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| Topic: Do Nice guys..(Not what you think!!!) | |
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Do "Nice Guys" require more work on the part of the woman?
I'm re-reading a book right now and it states that 'Nice Guys' use covert contracts instead of being honest, and just asking for what they want..because perhaps what they want will make them seem like a 'not nice guy' ....excerpt from the book below. "All Nice Guys are faced with a dilemma: How can they keep the fact that they have needs hidden, yet still create situations in which they have some hope of getting their needs met? In order to accomplish this seemingly impossible goal, Nice Guys utilize covert contracts. These unconscious, unspoken agreements are the primary way that Nice Guys interact with the world around them. Almost everything a Nice Guy does represents some manifestation of a covert contract. The Nice Guy's covert contract is simply this: 1) I will do this ______________ (fill in the blank) for you, so that 2) You will do this ______________ (fill in the blank) for me. 3) We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Most of us have had the experience of leaning over and whispering in our lover's ear, "I love you." We then wait expectantly for our beloved to respond with, "I love you too." This is an example of a covert contract in which a person gives to get. Giving "I love yous" to get "I love you toos" in return is the basic way Nice Guys go about trying to get all of their needs met." -No More Nice Guy Robert Glover, What are your thoughts? |
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Do "Nice Guys" require more work on the part of the woman? Only the fake ones. What are your thoughts? My thoughts are what you're reading isn't really talking about "nice guys" only the facade that a lot of "bad boys" use. e.g. whispering in our lover's ear, "I love you." We then wait expectantly for our beloved to respond with, "I love you too." This is an example of a covert contract That is not an example of a contract. That is an example of poor communication and selfish gratification. Nice guys whisper "I love you" in their partners ear because they want to, and feel like expressing their emotional feelings honestly and clearly. If there's a desire and expectation for a reciprocal response (as opposed to an indication of understanding) then it's simply phishing for information because they don't really know how the other person feels. They don't know how the other person feels because communication sucks. If communication sucks when you're whispering "I love you" it means there really isn't love there. If you're saying I love you when you aren't really in love then you're simply using it as a tool to manipulate something from them. Which means up to that point you haven't been trying to learn to communicate, you've simply been manipulating them in order to get them to fulfill your needs. No different than any PUA. |
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Edited by
Fevor
on
Thu 05/26/16 10:22 PM
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I consider myself as "a nice guy"I agree with ciretom. Us who are truly nice guys are sincere. Those who can't get none use as a last resort to copy our ways to mask their inferiority.
The true test is just to say no when advanced. I personally will not engage in any physical activity for at least 30 days, maybe longer. I like to know who I'm going with. But yet I'm different, I'm looking for long term relations and that is why I do What I do. Nice guys finish last.... no we just have the last laugh. We get the gold, they get the bronze. |
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I am not sure if it is a "nice guy" thing but I totally think that people do this all time. Guys or girls, mainly guys lol, but they will do something with the hope of getting something in return. Like a person will wash the dishes for the house because they know their mate likes that and will come home happy and maybe they will be intimate sexually that day or make a romantic dinner for their mate, no matter what kind of mate, because they hope to get alone time, intimacy, love, attention etc.
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I'll respond more in depth after the holiday weekend, but I will say this book isn't a PUA book, and also that it isn't about bad boys pretending to be nice guys in the slightest. ..
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man that sounds like marriage
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That book is a bunch of ****
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It's pretty obvious to me, that this book was talking about Nice Guys. Not about nice guys.
It's referring specifically and ONLY to the people who PLAY at being "nice," because they silently think that the world at large will force everyone else to comply with their expectations when they follow procedures correctly. That's the classic definition of a Nice Guy. My answer to the opening question, asking if women have to "work harder " to get along with such people, is... ....ultimately, no. They need to realize they are dealing with one, and dump him. But if they decide to put up with the deception, the self-righteousness, and the refusal to communicate anything directly, then yes, it's a bunch of extra work, as any manipulation-based relationship is. |
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Edited by
mzrosie
on
Sat 05/28/16 03:35 PM
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That book is a bunch of **** You mean this book? 
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That book is a bunch of **** I'm assuming you've read it? |
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man that sounds like marriage 
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it's like asking permission first to kiss me
can I kiss you? I dunno can ya? that remains to be seen... |
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Do "Nice Guys" require more work on the part of the woman? I'm re-reading a book right now and it states that 'Nice Guys' use covert contracts instead of being honest, and just asking for what they want..because perhaps what they want will make them seem like a 'not nice guy' ....excerpt from the book below. "All Nice Guys are faced with a dilemma: How can they keep the fact that they have needs hidden, yet still create situations in which they have some hope of getting their needs met? In order to accomplish this seemingly impossible goal, Nice Guys utilize covert contracts. These unconscious, unspoken agreements are the primary way that Nice Guys interact with the world around them. Almost everything a Nice Guy does represents some manifestation of a covert contract. The Nice Guy's covert contract is simply this: 1) I will do this ______________ (fill in the blank) for you, so that 2) You will do this ______________ (fill in the blank) for me. 3) We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract. Most of us have had the experience of leaning over and whispering in our lover's ear, "I love you." We then wait expectantly for our beloved to respond with, "I love you too." This is an example of a covert contract in which a person gives to get. Giving "I love yous" to get "I love you toos" in return is the basic way Nice Guys go about trying to get all of their needs met." -No More Nice Guy Robert Glover, What are your thoughts? Women do not want nice guys. They want men who know when to be nice and men who know when to be bad... and just how bad to be.. they may not say it.. but that's what they want. Either you are that type man... or your not.. no in between. greeneyes, sometimes you make sense.  |
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Edited by
RustyKitty
on
Sat 05/28/16 11:19 PM
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I am not a fan of the 'tit for tat' thing.
I mean.. I do for you what I want, because I want to, .. I want you to do for me (to me), what I want, because you want to, because you know I want you to.. do you get it? |
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not at all a nice guy will open up to you if you make him feel like he can be himself with you
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A good relationship shouldn't be so complicated. If you want something, ask for it. Having an agenda or a game plan is just ridiculous. What's so hard about communicating?I really like the analogy of nice guys getting gold. WE ALL HAVE HIDDEN AGENDAS, THE STUFF USUALLY SHOWS UP AS BUTTONS ARE PUSHED.. WANT A BETTER UNDERSTANDING CHECK OUT THE WORKS OF JOHN GRAY AND WHY RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE AWARENESS ON OUR PART ON HOW OUR PARTNER THINKS AND PROCESSES INFORMATION DIFFERENTLY THEN WE DO.....A REAL EYE OPENER.... GOOD LUCK..... |
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