I can’t tell you why these things are as they are. No, that would take too long but I can tell you however what the days bring and what it means to someone like myself to go through all that I do. I’m going to explain to you.



Day 1 week 1 of month 2,

I had just woke up from the previous night. I roll over and look at the time on my phone. 5:00am

My sphyciatrist just up the dosage to my medication so I’m still drowsy and slightly groggy.

As I sit up I realize my back and neck are sore an stiff, with a slight turn both sections pop becoming less stiff almost waking my roommate across from me but still in pain.

At this point in time I’m still adjusting to what it means to no longer sleep on the street sidewalks. I’ve been so use to having to wake and peak over my shoulders to make sure my belongings are still next to me, along with being sure nobody is creeping behind me to take them by force.

Waking up at 5:00 in the morning use to feel like a normal thing to do in fact it was normal by nature.

But now in current time I live in doors and 5:00am is no longer the normal waking hour.

Nothing is the same as when it was

For me living on the streets.

Before the lifestyle change I walked for miles.so many miles I could not tell you in numbers. Everyday was a different number and no two days were the same.

Rest in these moments where a rarity, it almost felt nonexistent with hardly any places to sit.

There were so many no loitering signs that it literally felt like they were everywhere….

….but all that is the past now.

I must bring you back to my present chapter in my life.

Shortly after waking up and looking at the time on my phone and feeling the discomforts of my back and neck, I layed down for brief while as I could not get back to sleep after later realizing my legs were sore from my thighs down to my toes. It felt as if my thighs and legs were throbbing while my knees fell to sleep and of my toes would start to cramp one after the other.

Pain that only hot water from the shower head would ease in such a painful way. To know what it’s like to have to bathe sitting down From the inability to stand in one spot for long periods at a time . It is the facts of this I don’t wish on anybody including myself even though it’s the fact I live with everyday.

Somehow and to my amazement alone. Others don’t see the ordeals of all that i expressed to you the reader.

For some reason I appear normal to all others, to the naked eye it can’t be seen.

That fact is comforting but also in some separate cases can be lonely as well.

Sometimes, I wonder why it can’t be seen. I don’t dwell on it but I do ponder it at times.

I’ll always remember though how strong my mom was. That is the fact that will always and forever bring a smile to my face. To think that I have the strength she passed on to me will also bring also always and forever bring a smile into my heart, and that in itself keeps going.