I can’t tell you why these things are as they are. No, that would take too long but I can tell you however what the days bring and what it means to someone like myself to go through all that I do. I’m going to explain to you.



Day 1 week 1 of month 2,

I had just woke up from the previous night. I roll over and look at the time on my phone. 5:00am

My sphyciatrist just up the dosage to my medication so I’m still drowsy and slightly groggy.

As I sit up I realize my back and neck are sore an stiff, with a slight turn both sections pop becoming less stiff almost waking my roommate across from me but still in pain.

At this point in time I’m still adjusting to what it means to no longer sleep on the street sidewalks. I’ve been so use to having to wake and peak over my shoulders to make sure my belongings are still next to me, along with being sure nobody is creeping behind me to take them by force.

Waking up at 5:00 in the morning use to feel like a normal thing to do in fact it was normal by nature.

But now in current time I live in doors and 5:00am is no longer the normal waking hour.

Nothing is the same as when it was

For me living on the streets.

Before the lifestyle change I walked for miles.so many miles I could not tell you in numbers. Everyday was a different number and no two days were the same.

Rest in these moments where a rarity, it almost felt nonexistent with hardly any places to sit.

There were so many no loitering signs that it literally felt like they were everywhere….

….but all that is the past now.

I must bring you back to my present chapter in my life.

Shortly after waking up and looking at the time on my phone and feeling the discomforts of my back and neck, I layed down for brief while as I could not get back to sleep after later realizing my legs were sore from my thighs down to my toes. It felt as if my thighs and legs were throbbing while my knees fell to sleep and of my toes would start to cramp one after the other.

Pain that only hot water from the shower head would ease in such a painful way. To know what it’s like to have to bathe sitting down From the inability to stand in one spot for long periods at a time . It is the facts of this I don’t wish on anybody including myself even though it’s the fact I live with everyday.

Somehow and to my amazement alone. Others don’t see the ordeals of all that i expressed to you the reader.

For some reason I appear normal to all others, to the naked eye it can’t be seen.

That fact is comforting but also in some separate cases can be lonely as well.

Sometimes, I wonder why it can’t be seen. I don’t dwell on it but I do ponder it at times.

I’ll always remember though how strong my mom was. That is the fact that will always and forever bring a smile to my face. To think that I have the strength she passed on to me will also bring also always and forever bring a smile into my heart, and that in itself keeps going.

I watch and see,
The mirror reflection of me.
The man I came to be,
The truth is pain to me
The misery that lives
So strong willfully.

A damaged man I am,
Broken spirited,
An empty soul feels
like a hollow Shell.

I am worn down and
Torn down.
All the fragmented pieces
Left of me can be swept away
“Ash to dust”

Broken, hurt but unharmed
On the outside you can’t see.

As well the inside of me, you can

See so transparently.

The person you use to love,
The one you once use to
Wish to see.

The one you use to believe.

The days we enjoyed together,

Do you remember me,
The one who once provided
For you,
Guided you while
In other moments confided
In you,
When my heart decided on you.
I was there taking care of you,
You whispered your needs
In my heart and soul I always knew I wanted to be there to
Make them appear for you.

Sick/health
Each moment
We stood together.
This love still
Last forever
Even when right now
It feels like I haven’t seen
You in forever
I cared for you so carefully
Yet my heart would shatter
So carelessly,

Could swear we were blessed
Under serenity.
Our hearts would beat in sync
You could hear the melody.
When we lay so comfortably.

Somehow I now wonder,
Where the sight of your eyes
Reflection be? That’s the sight I
Wish to see.

Still I wonder, do you remember me?

If my heart be with you,
Well let me be with you to.

If my eyes see you,
And your arms feel my love embrace.
Then give yourself a chance
To see this love inside of me.
At heartbeats pace.

"Ripples in places through time in spaces. The chapters to my story, please don't turn back my pages.
The rose love novel cases is
What lead me to these places."

I follow my heart's beat as
If it were the chorus to my song,
After all it is the sound of my soul.

Homely warmth within my arms
For you whom might decide
The spirit of recognition when you
Decide to confide.

The loss of this comfort, also from within, conflicts my spirit.
The empty felt feeling inside now lives in me.
" Where do they go, the tears
That reach the pond? Do they surface to the soil? Then grow from the ground?"
To grow what my eyes see as a rose. Be the cliche' what they call
It but is the moral of the structure of my being.

"I grew from love, into love,
Taught by love, and trust in love.
No form of otherwise would live in me or my vocabulary.
There is only room for you and the trust you have in me.

Please don't ever fail to see, that if you need anybody you can always call on me.

Do not be weary when your heartbeat sounds near me.
When you see your comforted hand in mine.
The blessings we see are refined.

" I now know the mystery of a heart in love, by a miraculous grand design."

The person you use to love,
The one you once use to
Wish to see.

The one you use to believe.

The days we enjoyed together,

The moments we saw together,
When I saw the night star sparkle
Glisten in your eye.

Do you remember me,
The one who once provided
For you,
Guided you while
In moments confided
In you,
When my heart decided on you.
I was there taking care of you,
You whispered your needs
In my heart and soul I always knew I wanted to be there to
Make them appear for you.

Sick/health
Each moment
We stood together.
This love still
Last forever
Even when right now
It feels like I haven’t seen
You in forever
I cared for you so carefully
Yet my heart would shatter
So carelessly,

Could swear we were blessed
Under serenity.
Our hearts would beat in sync
You could hear the melody.
When we lay so comfortably.

Somehow I now wonder,
Where the sight of your eyes
Reflection be? That’s the sight I
Wish to see.

Still I wonder, do you remember me?

Ripples in places through time in spaces. The chapters to my story, please don’t turn back my pages.
The rose love novel cases is
What lead me to these places.”

I follow my heart’s beat as
If it were the chorus to my song,
After all it is the sound of my soul.

Homely warmth within my arms
For you whom might decide
The spirit of recognition when you
Decide to confide.

The loss of this comfort, also from within, conflicts my spirit.
The empty felt feeling inside now lives in me.
” Where do they go, the tears
That reach the pond? Do they surface to the soil? Then grow from the ground?”
To grow what my eyes see as a rose. Be the cliche’ what they call
It but is the moral of the structure of my being.

“I grew from love, into love,
Taught by love, and trust in love.
No form of otherwise would live in me or my vocabulary.
There is only room for you and the trust you have in me.

Please don’t ever fail to see, that if you need anybody you can always call on me.

Do not be weary when your heartbeat sounds near me.
When you see your comforted hand in mine.
The blessings we see are refined.

” I now know the mystery of a heart in love, by a miraculous grand design.”

Words to the wise, your my surprise. The feeling of in-contentment subsides but then for you to be with me, between the two of me and you, who will decide?

It's at this point I can't hide that these feelings I have for you.
Lead to the emerging
Temptation of my heart love implementation as to reach for more Is the felt sensation.


You can see me, but for the moment when I catch my breath
You can't see this heart.
My love wants to hold you and my mind disagrees cause I want to be with you always. On call no matter night or day whenever you need me....I'm there..."on my way"
Next to you is where I wanna be anyway.

..... "Know I'm waiting for the chance to tell you, exactly how much I love you. ....Words speak but actions show more clear
That's why anytime you need me I'll be near. The thought of losing you to anything else that's less is
My honest fear, your in my heart so sincere. I love you always, please be mine, my dear"

If my heart be with you,
Well let me be with you to.

If my eyes see you,
And your arms feel my love embrace.
Then give yourself a chance
To see this love inside of me.
At heartbeat pace.

Beautiful are your eyes, the wonderous gateway peak to the soul

Yet sensuous are your lips, tempting and sweet.

Beautiful is your heart of which and where
All time stands still.

Serenity carries thee.

Peaceful are your arms,
Time would tell that each and every moment I need comfort, you'd be there Holding me.

Broken crackled ripping rippling rose petals. "Lord, I count the many ways so many days I pray that special love I come encountered to. That so many few sometimes know or knew. Something real. Unconditional and true." I know my heart need be content with time I've spent. The moments when I hear birds fluttering through. The sound I hear are paired in two. So when the whispering whistling sound come through I huddle and hurry inside from the beautiful pictured formation rotations behind closed door in cue. Though the memories of past passing love seem everlasting even when they turned never lasting. My window is where I peak even when the picture looks bleak.  My sheltered heart wish I could sing to the stars even they feel nearest in reality are far. Would anyone notice this soul that's in suspense. The spirit heaves for moments I have to grasp my chest in order catch my breath. So tired now I need to rest.
Coincidentally in the same position I use to lay in bed where i use comfort her head.
Moving on and forward leave no rest with this reality that world keeps turning. "Coherent spirit  catch my breath, coherent spirit catch your breath" somehow I need to rest, close and lock the door inside my chest cause again
Another leave me breathless with restlessness. "All I have to apologize to I'm sorry my patience, I'm sorry my time, so sorry my soul ever thinking could fill whole.
Sorry my mind ever letting someone put you in shame. I take responsibility and blame.

My heart exhaustion, please proceed with caution. My heart sleeve I am worn by few. Not cared for correctly but somewhat indirectly my sleeve torn in two.
How some would wish for better
Your only on the first floor my love has different levels. So sorry some broke the lever.
My heart home in need of bad repair.

My soul so strong when my walls fall down.
Although, my heart in bad condition this love comes quickly an recover remission.
The love stain window pain is my guilty pleasure hearts love submission.
Skips two beats too fast an the passion wont come down.
Tame this love you can take this love but never this heart calm down.

The remedy of serenity Isn’t just in the one I caress but One who carries me. Leads the arms of mine. The arms that follow but Never get left behind. Love is the peacemaker Of destiny. I believe in Nothing other than, cause Lust is only the silver bullet Of Russian roulette a temporary game Of Which nobody wins. Tis blinding with an ending Away from all new beginnings. “Blessed be this love, To whom I seek that may I see To say Blessed be this love” Please don’t ever forget me. When eyes grow weary through Time you’ll see me Just as I see you every day. Morning wake to midnight day. I’ll always pray. “Blessed be this love” So tempt me the sweet remedy of serenity. Though I try not fall. Still I will only fall for you. A moments peace is what I feel With you.

The words between the lines
In finding simple love
That defines.
Be the kind of love
that’s true.
That kind of love in you.
So tell me all you want.
So tell me all you need.
To plant the flower of love.
To plant that rose a seed.
A planted cherishment
Within the field of dreams.
Temptation arose to see
The love you have in me.
Please know that ,
I only desire to be.
All the beautiful things
You have ever wished to see.

“For heart is fragile.
It must be handled so delicately”

Heart is healing still found new feeling.
What are these feelings?
Emotionally heart taken.
While still aching.
Please tell me why I'm so confused?
Wanting to grasp closer.
Leave the past behind.
In all how can i reach closer too?
Far away yet still so close.
Rid the memories, well will the past appear like ghosts?
Desire to move forward.
I'm trying to let go.
Strong willed entirely.
If you asked anybody.
It's something they know.
I can never give up.
Maybe it shows.
Giving 110percent.
This time round just dosen't add up. Cause I'm in ℅75
Heartache. Only ℅25 chance this will work out. That leaves
℅10 chance that you'll be happy. And ℅0 that's just not fair.

Desire is there but where's the will? Can't find the way. I would ask you stay. Well now I gotta say I'd only be your ache.
My love you can tell me go. Cause deep inside I'd understand and honestly
It'll be okay...

The melody, sympony that beats within my chest. Always keeps me awake for more. Forever it seems to keep me from rest.
When my heart falls to my sleeve.
My words speak whole-heartedly.
Don't leave me gasping for air I can't breathe.
You took, me mistook me. Don't mistake me.
The tears that crash to the floor so love stainly.
I'd rather love reign. To not rain from my eyes.
I speak of it the empowered pain.
Cause its my love
That got tossed so blatantly.
Can you trust in me.
To know this melody.
To hear this symphony.
The same sound that drew you nearest me.
Always seeking is my heart.
Forever forgiving is my mind.
Always caring is my spirit.
The song of this love. do you hear it?
So I ask you to "trust in my love?"
Worthy is the song.
Trustworthy is me.
Open your eyes.
"Is it me who you wish to see?"

To toss away the pain,
Is no sweet remedy.

Fragile is my heart.
Softened is soul.
I can't change this chorus.
Cause in your arms is my
Home.

The inner remedy is this.
Comfort in your kiss.
A lone heart yes. Although I speak so profoundly Because
It is your gentle eyes
Always seem to astound me.
"Grow nearer to my heart.
To whom I speak grow nearer. So I may serenade the sweet beauty. Caress with warmth. Share comfort in our kisses."
"Please take this heart of mine. Because it is truly simply you who defines.

A rose petal falls into an ocean ripple.
A beautiful white cloud overcast.
This is what reminded of the beautiful love
That never turned out to last.
The rose petal of my love that fell from the rose of time
It fell into the ocean that is my heart.
The ripples calmly resembles the change within my soul.
The silent winds. The smooth sadness swifts over me.
So God, please tell me. How did this come to be?
The woman I gave my heart to. She is not with me.
I promise her I would be true. An honest man I am I gave my word and kept my word to.
I saw her trust was damaged. So I said to her if she could not trust me then she can surely trust you. "Her trust damaged?" Yes so was her heart to. Her heart was damaged with a broken ideal love.
What she could not understand I then lead by example.
I then later found out the truth of my love, my heart, my passion is one she could not handle.
So God I ask you, where did this misunderstood angel go? I can not find her.
Where is she? If not with you?
What her body language could not tell and her words could not speak. Her eyes told the whole story.
I remember so clearly when her love built but broken trust showed her frightened.
Her eyes softly spoke to scoot closer near thee. When she finally first kissed my lips I felt my heart skip a beat.
Never did I know at that time.
My heart would later feel the ultimate defeat of a true love now fleeting love.
Still this misunderstood angel is one I speak of.
When I do not speak I still think of.
When I do not think I still dream of.
Why could my heart never grow to know her warm embrace? Her soft comfort?
I proved my love everlasting. It can beat the sand grains of time.
A rose petal of love is mine an ocean is my heart. A ripple-A ripple is how I define.
I can write this. I can right this love.
This misunderstood angel. The whereabouts. I am not knowing of.

Within the power of love I stand tall.
Without I now fall. I fold.
The barer of this heartache.
All this pain I can no longer withhold.
I have hidden it. Withheld it I admit it was hidden. It over built all my sorrows.
That I buried now overfilled. Now I must ask. Still my beating heart..
Still my beating heart..
Be stilled....

Faith in something is what sets the pace
For the growth that's dwells, overwhelms,
Overfills then pours from within this soul.
Like when two spirits bind. The two hearts that combine. In time you'll find that your love is truly meant to be mine.
The definition of love if you look closely, you can see. What you're looking for is in me.
The love flows through these veins blood Scarlet red like a rose
keeps my heart beating. Never leaving forever will stay right beside.
Faith written in my DNA.
My compassion everlasting.
My empathy to your sympathy.
This Casanova to your love so supernova.
To believe in love is to beleive in someone like me. Having trust
With faith oh so faithfully is what you'd see.
My heart screaming for love though so softly.
How could the one have love but not in me.
How could one not see this armor of love with the stripes on the shoulder. Before the
Battle for passion within the realm of lust.
Sent through the realm of love. Strong-hearted sometimes weak-hearted but the battle has never defeated me.
Sweat out these fears to never see another day when a good woman has Inner pain that falls from the gateway peak.
Tears to dry with a heart so saddened.
A heart that doesn't give up is one that never tries to. Can you see my soul when I
Look into your eyes?
Cause I do

Times change like leafs in winter.
Sometimes things old like
Leftovers from last night's dinner.
At times memories get too
Packed fridge too full.
Needs to get thinner.
Lord knows more than I
But still I know when times
Get tough. I'm gonna keep
A level head and brush all the
Dirt off my shoulder. Come out
The winner.

One whom I may be dear,
To one I may one day call darling,
Well yes, the incomparable beauty.
Your body is beautiful, but darling
Dear so are your eyes.
Pure gateway to the peak of your soul.
Had I not looked so carefully.
To think i would've missed this angel
In disguise.
I only ask one question
The need not be held though over ones mind.
Still must ask though, that my heart is to whom
You will be kind.

Shattered once or twice
How many l,...
You See I've lost count.
Though healed
Still there are visible Scars.
If need be.
Well then you can count the amount.

Not too many ways in words to
Express the way to proclaim love.

Still time will tell
If you'll see
I find my ways.
So no question in my mind.
That for my dear
I will find new ways.
Some then more.
Not once more
Twice more.