* Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

* Drum on every available surface.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Ask 0800 operators for dates.

* Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copy warnings and Simon Bates "Whenever you rent or buy a video..." bits.

* Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

* Set alarms for random times.

* Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

* Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

* Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

* Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

* Tape pieces of "The Grumbleweeds" over climactic parts of rental movies.

* Wear your trousers backwards.

* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

* Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

* Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode. (Please note: Dot Matrix printers only.)

* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

* only type in lowercase.

* dont use any punctuation either

* Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

* Pay for your dinner with pennies.

* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

* Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

* Light road flares on a birthday cake.

* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

* Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

* Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

* At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

* When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

* Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

* Finish the 99 green bottles song.

* Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.

* Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.

* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

* Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

* Name your dog "Dog."

* Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

* Ask people what gender they are.

* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

* Lick the filling out of all the jammy Dodgers, and place the biscuit parts back in the tray.

* Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

* Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "good one."

* Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Glade Air Freshener.

* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains.

* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

* Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

* Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

* Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

* Wear a LOT of cologne.

* Ask to "interface" with someone.

* Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

* Sing along at the opera.

* Mow your lawn with scissors.

* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

* Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

* Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

* Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?

* Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture."

* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

* Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

* Never make eye contact.

* Never break eye contact.

* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

* Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

* Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

* Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in an annoying John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.

* Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

* Make appointments for the 31st of September.

* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

* Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Based on an unoriginal email forwarded by Dave Willens, November 1996.

My Addition:
Post really long topics that require scrolling on Mingle2 dating site.