ok here goes....I am bitter...I am angry...I am trying to learn forgiveness, not for the other person but for myself. living with all this anger and bitterness in my heart is not healthy for me and is a miserable existence. but how do you overcome it? by harboring this bitter and hatred, i am allowing him to still have power over my heart, i have to rid myself of this. i am a good person and i deserve to be happy so why am i allowing this to linger? i know we have all been there...any suggestions? ive come to you since you guys have always been kind and helpful....thanks

hmmmm no help huh?

Meditation works for some people, quiet time as well. Forgiveness is one thing that I've worked very hard on this year and if I didn't accomplish anything else, it was forgiveness that actually was completed. We have to look inside ourselves, to who we truly are, and realize that no matter if someone accepts us, as is, we can just accept them, forgive them and move on. Life's too short to let anyone cause us a lot of pain. I hope this helps.

Another couple of ideas are good music and candles. Scented ones, like vanilla, for instance. Being relaxed while working on forgiveness...seems to help leaps and bounds. My daughter taught me a meditation type of thing that I actually do. Stand outside and let all the bad release from your body, and take in the good from the earth. :)

Life is too short to waste it on bitterness or anger.
Just imagine what would you do if the person you are angry to, tommorow will die and you wount have a chance to say good things?!

I can totally relate...

I've been through something of the same nature, but my dumbbutt went back to him. I ended it for good a while back but I thought that since I got over him the first time, it'd be easier this time. It was harder because I felt like more of an idiot. But I just keep trying to look forward and think of the great things I have ahead of me and if he does pop into my head, I push the thoughts out with thoughts of how miserable he's going to be if he doesn't change his ways and how good of a person I know I am. I have a quote I found a while back that I try to think of whenever I get down about it:

"He's gonna be so sorry he lost you. Forget the past, forget the pain and remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he'll realize what he lost."

Chin up, buttercup!

I agree with Romantic, forgiveness is something that takes time.. and alot of soul searching.. Just focus on the good things that the relationship brought in your life,remember that you are no longer in it for a reason, and you will eventually start to heal.. They say that for as long as you are in a relationship it usually takes double the time to get over it, trust your heart, be kind to your soul and keep your chin up. It will get better and there is someone out there who will love you and who you can reciprocate that love back to. Then the past bad relationships will be nothing but a memory..something that you have learned from.

You are holding on to the pain and frustration of the break or whatever it is. Realize, first there is nothing you could have done different knowing what you knew at the time. Second, people have the right to do what they have to do in their life, they have a right to make a choice that does not include you, so let them go. Third, cry, pound a pillow or both and tell yourself this will be the last time you give this person any more of your energy other than to wish them well. Fourth, do something good for yourself in celebration of a step or lesson in life learned and move on. Hope that helps, if I am hard to understand, then look up the steps of grief and see if that will help you, you are stuck in one of those stages of grief. Good Luck

he is a diagnosed sociopath. i never knew what that was until i studied up on it. they have the gift of crawling under your skin. its hard to explain but they are mind altering...they never let go, they always try to make sure they have you in the backdrop somewhere. i have cut the ties, he continues to try to pry into my life somehow...ughhh hard to write it all down and explain...those of you familiar with sociopathic behavior know what i am saying....its their sickness that can easily be turned into yours. im healing, its a slow process...but i cant stand feeling this much anger and all...thanks for all your advice and thoughts...i appreciate anything right now to help

Here is something I once read by none the less confusious: He who angers you, has control over you. It helped me.. Good luck.

just let it go......in thru the nose, out thru the mouth...do not give him the satifaction of f*ing w/your emotions...and yes it is hard to forgive when they continue to mess w/you...i think really the forgiving part is the easiest, because it's a conscience choice you make to be a better person indide...the hardest part is the forgetting......good luck w/this and congrats??? on your new job or is it too early to tell???

too early to tell yet on the job but thanks...you guys all rock!!! xoxoxoxo i find out thursday about the job ill keep ya posted and thanks for all the prayers on that too!!!

My ex is diagnosed as paranoid schitzophrenic with tendancy towards violence. It took me a while but I DID let go of the anger etc of the sh1t I was put through. Granted he still pisses me off now but I have to remind myself to walk away. Consider finding a good therapist that will work through this with you.. Once you begin to peel apart all the layers of feelings, you will really begin to accept your healing.


Much love & hugs...I know what you are going through. I have been there.

Madam, what exactly can you not forgive about yourself??? You have no control of a sociopath......

What you do have control of is your choice to love him, your choice to cut all ties....

he had phycopathic tendencies with violent behaviors...hence knocking out 9 of my teeth...i so thank you for all the words of encouragement and although sad...it helps knowing im not alone with this even though i hate that others had to go thru the pain of it as well. much love to all of you

its not me i need to forgive, i did nothing wrong. im trying to forgive him in order to release this horrible feeling inside. of course, i feel foolish for falling for the garbage, but again, that is part of a sociopath...very good at what they do. i am learning more and more about it in my own healing process.

somewhere we become wiser and stronger

and allow the good ones to touch us again

if we keep hating, keep suffering

we get sick

the relationship is poison. cut the cord and live again.

I think for everyone its different....I too had to forgive my son's dad......it took me 9 years to do it but eventually it did come.
I know of the bitterness you feel, I had it so much that my friends thought I was a man hater!!!

One day I realized that the only person my anger was hurting was myself and I just released it.....I realized that while I had all this useless anger/guilt etc, that he was off having a life and mine had stopped. And that I did nothing wrong, and I deserved to be happy.....at least with myself!

im so glad for you. you are a good person and deserve happiness...never forget that! xoxoxox