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| Topic: You discover your friend is a rapist,,, | |
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... or a serial killer, or a drug lord or something equally horrible ... They are now being charged for their crime and going through all the legal proceedings . They have been loyal and kind to you for years, but now you have to reconcile that with the fact that they have devastated many lives. Would you immediately end the friendship? If not, what would you do? Ps: With the discovery of abusers like Jared Fogle, and other seemingly normal people in recent times, it really made me wonder how friends and family of these perpetrators coped with this new information I would end the friendship. Someone with those character flaws would go against the grain of my beliefs. I could not phantom continuing a friendship. |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 10/30/17 04:55 AM
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quote from peggy We wont be buddies anymore but Im not sure if I could cut them off altogether either. so what not friends anymore but visit them in jail and help support their defense ? For me , visiting them in jail is not supporting their defense. I already made it clear that I would support the full retribution of the law, but I would honor the friendship we had by trying to understand why they did what they did Yes, I agree, more likely I would too. Forgiveness and compassion doesn't mean I condone their actions, or defend them. If my father abused me, I would find forgiveness and still love him.... but that doesn't mean I accept his behaviors as being okay. He once said he should have gone to jail for his actions... yes he should have! But his remorse over the years was his punishment and I still loved him, even now that he's in his grave! So in the end, I would be the same way for a friend. Its admirable that you were able to forgive your father under those horrible circumstances Pisces. It really says alot about you  Thanks peggy This subject definitely makes one think though. Had he raped me or killed my mother, I can't honestly say I would have found forgiveness or compassion. I would hope so, but I guess one never truly knows how they would react in any situation, until they are experiencing it. I have forgiven those who have victimized me, but of those few, only the ones that are family have I continued to associate with. Thank you for posting this.... truly a thought provoking topic Oh wow pisces! If it were done to me, then Im not sure if I could forgive them either :( I always wondered how people reconcile such conflicting emotions or if the conflict morphs into permanant contempt And thanks for your thought provoking responses.:) |
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quote from peggy We wont be buddies anymore but Im not sure if I could cut them off altogether either. so what not friends anymore but visit them in jail and help support their defense ? For me , visiting them in jail is not supporting their defense. I already made it clear that I would support the full retribution of the law, but I would honor the friendship we had by trying to understand why they did what they did Yes, I agree, more likely I would too. Forgiveness and compassion doesn't mean I condone their actions, or defend them. If my father abused me, I would find forgiveness and still love him.... but that doesn't mean I accept his behaviors as being okay. He once said he should have gone to jail for his actions... yes he should have! But his remorse over the years was his punishment and I still loved him, even now that he's in his grave! So in the end, I would be the same way for a friend. Its admirable that you were able to forgive your father under those horrible circumstances Pisces. It really says alot about you Thanks peggy This subject definitely makes one think though. Had he raped me or killed my mother, I can't honestly say I would have found forgiveness or compassion. I would hope so, but I guess one never truly knows how they would react in any situation, until they are experiencing it. I have forgiven those who have victimized me, but of those few, only the ones that are family have I continued to associate with. Thank you for posting this.... truly a thought provoking topic Oh wow pisces! If it were done to me, then Im not sure if I could forgive them either :( I always wondered how people reconcile such conflicting emotions or if the conflict morphs into permanant contempt And thanks for your thought provoking responses.:) It takes a lot peggy, you have to be able to detach from your emotions and practice discernment. It's not about you or has anything to do with who you are as to why someone would hurt you in that way. It's about them and their sick mind that makes them think it's okay to do that, for whatever reason that may be. As far as forgiving, yes, it's difficult. It takes a lot of praying for the willingness to be willing to forgive. And praying for the souls who have been damaged from such acts, including the perpetrator's soul. Our souls are precious, some for whatever reason walk in a dark light. If there was no forgiveness, how would they ever find the light? Some never will, and that's really sad, for them and those that they continue to harm. |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 10/30/17 05:54 AM
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... or a serial killer, or a drug lord or something equally horrible ... They are now being charged for their crime and going through all the legal proceedings . They have been loyal and kind to you for years, but now you have to reconcile that with the fact that they have devastated many lives. Would you immediately end the friendship? If not, what would you do? Ps: With the discovery of abusers like Jared Fogle, and other seemingly normal people in recent times, it really made me wonder how friends and family of these perpetrators coped with this new information Here are some thoughts inspired by this OP. Past/Present/Future People live their lives in the present. The 'Now'. Considering that one can only know what one experiences during the continuation of the now. Nobody can know everything about anyone but themselves. The only actual understanding of another is formed by their participation with you in your now. Their history of participation with you, in the now, creates a pattern of familiarity in your past with them. If that person has always been conducive to your personality, when you find out they are not that way with others, its a shock to your understanding of who they are with you. It causes you to think they have been dishonest with you and the first reflex is usually anger or sadness. That they were the 'problem'. In reality, it is your own idea of who that person was, based on limited understanding of who they actually are. It is impossible to know anyone as well as you know yourself. It is a failure of your own idolization of that person that hurts the most.  Very true tom.But even when we learn facts about a person that are diametrically opposed to the experience we had with them, it doesnt cancel out the identity that you personally experienced from them. A person could be a heartless wife but an amazing attentive mother for example. The conflicting knowledge of one identity doesnt always cancel out the other identity. Or does it? |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 10/30/17 06:10 AM
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... or a serial killer, or a drug lord or something equally horrible ... They are now being charged for their crime and going through all the legal proceedings . They have been loyal and kind to you for years, but now you have to reconcile that with the fact that they have devastated many lives. Would you immediately end the friendship? If not, what would you do? Ps: With the discovery of abusers like Jared Fogle, and other seemingly normal people in recent times, it really made me wonder how friends and family of these perpetrators coped with this new information I would end the friendship. Someone with those character flaws would go against the grain of my beliefs. I could not phantom continuing a friendship. For most prople, I think the decision will be that simple, but like I said, if if were a child or parent , perhaps the process would be a lot more complex |
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You discover your friend is a rapist
Would you immediately end the friendship? YES. Without a doubt. |
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quote from peggy We wont be buddies anymore but Im not sure if I could cut them off altogether either. so what not friends anymore but visit them in jail and help support their defense ? For me , visiting them in jail is not supporting their defense. I already made it clear that I would support the full retribution of the law, but I would honor the friendship we had by trying to understand why they did what they did Yes, I agree, more likely I would too. Forgiveness and compassion doesn't mean I condone their actions, or defend them. If my father abused me, I would find forgiveness and still love him.... but that doesn't mean I accept his behaviors as being okay. He once said he should have gone to jail for his actions... yes he should have! But his remorse over the years was his punishment and I still loved him, even now that he's in his grave! So in the end, I would be the same way for a friend. Its admirable that you were able to forgive your father under those horrible circumstances Pisces. It really says alot about you Thanks peggy This subject definitely makes one think though. Had he raped me or killed my mother, I can't honestly say I would have found forgiveness or compassion. I would hope so, but I guess one never truly knows how they would react in any situation, until they are experiencing it. I have forgiven those who have victimized me, but of those few, only the ones that are family have I continued to associate with. Thank you for posting this.... truly a thought provoking topic Oh wow pisces! If it were done to me, then Im not sure if I could forgive them either :( I always wondered how people reconcile such conflicting emotions or if the conflict morphs into permanant contempt And thanks for your thought provoking responses.:) It takes a lot peggy, you have to be able to detach from your emotions and practice discernment. It's not about you or has anything to do with who you are as to why someone would hurt you in that way. It's about them and their sick mind that makes them think it's okay to do that, for whatever reason that may be. As far as forgiving, yes, it's difficult. It takes a lot of praying for the willingness to be willing to forgive. And praying for the souls who have been damaged from such acts, including the perpetrator's soul. Our souls are precious, some for whatever reason walk in a dark light. If there was no forgiveness, how would they ever find the light? Some never will, and that's really sad, for them and those that they continue to harm. I think I would have to view a oerson like that through divine eyes Pisces. I dont tgink the average human heart has the cspacity for that level of forgiveness. In fact, aoart from children, I dont think msny people are that forgiving as a whole |
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Edited by
Piscesmoon02
on
Mon 10/30/17 06:25 AM
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I think I would have to view a oerson like that through divine eyes Pisces. I dont tgink the average human heart has the cspacity for that level of forgiveness. In fact, aoart from children, I dont think msny people are that forgiving as a whole I agree peggy, unfortunately there are very few. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we seem to lose that ability to see with Divine eyes. |
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I think I would have to view a oerson like that through divine eyes Pisces. I dont tgink the average human heart has the cspacity for that level of forgiveness. In fact, aoart from children, I dont think msny people are that forgiving as a whole I agree peggy, unfortunately there are very few. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we seem to lose that ability to see with Divine eyes. Exactly |
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Get shot,
Friends can be broken as well as made. |
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You discover your friend is a rapist Would you immediately end the friendship? YES. Without a doubt. Would you operate the same if it was a family member lu? |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 10/30/17 08:52 AM
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Get shot, Friends can be broken as well as made. Very true, but how do you reconcile the concept of gratitude if the person was good to you and your family for years. Is that memory wiped out by the discovery of their crime? |
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Get shot, Friends can be broken as well as made. Very true, but how do you reconcile the concept of gratitude if the person was good to you and your family for years. Is that memory wiped out by the discovery of their crime? |
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End the friendship as fast as you can. That's why you always share everything with your mother. Parents are experienced. We should take advices from them. Because Parents loves you more than anybody in this whole world.
Even that rapist, criminal was kind and honest with you. If you want good for him. Then help him to change and accept his crimes or sins. Give justice to victims. But According to my experience... Womens are innocent and they try their best to never end relation. But now days mens are crazy. ah i think i gone a little extreme. Well But i always see women as a victims. |
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Get shot, Friends can be broken as well as made. Very true, but how do you reconcile the concept of gratitude if the person was good to you and your family for years. Is that memory wiped out by the discovery of their crime? Hi Peggy, Well, that is something you'll need to think over and put into perspective. You can't erase the memory but neither can you erase the memory of there wrong doing. I have had a few good friends over the years that I've chosen not to mix with anymore, seriously heavy stuff, they are good people just playing the wrong game for me. As for if it were a family member it depends on the crime. |
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End the friendship as fast as you can. That's why you always share everything with your mother. Parents are experienced. We should take advices from them. Because Parents loves you more than anybody in this whole world. Even that rapist, criminal was kind and honest with you. If you want good for him. Then help him to change and accept his crimes or sins. Give justice to victims. But According to my experience... Womens are innocent and they try their best to never end relation. But now days mens are crazy. ah i think i gone a little extreme. Well But i always see women as a victims. The wonen arent always the victim calm passenger but I understand your concern about the vulnerability of a woman in a friendship like that. And I agres with you that your friend should pay for his crime . No debate there. Thanks for your contribution :) |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 10/30/17 09:23 AM
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Get shot, Friends can be broken as well as made. Very true, but how do you reconcile the concept of gratitude if the person was good to you and your family for years. Is that memory wiped out by the discovery of their crime? Hi Peggy, Well, that is something you'll need to think over and put into perspective. You can't erase the memory but neither can you erase the memory of there wrong doing. I have had a few good friends over the years that I've chosen not to mix with anymore, seriously heavy stuff, they are good people just playing the wrong game for me. As for if it were a family member it depends on the crime. Ive cut off friendships with some people as well , not even because of crimes but because their frequent moodiness towards our friendship, which is a trait I have a low threshold for . That said, if they needed help with something I would most likely assist and in the case of a criminal , I could see myself giving the person a chance to explain why they did what they did |
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I don't know how is this any different than meeting someone online then getting to know them.. over course of a year or two they tell you they're not married then you find out they are married still...
Pretty sure you'd break things off with them... just for deceiving you.. They're just still married.. they haven't raped or killed anybody... So my answer would be cut ties with them.. That's what Society does when somebody rapes or kills somebody else... that's the punishment... you get shunned... Now if it was your own child doing the raping or killing..hmmmm....well.. A Parent's Love is Blind..sooo.. of course you would need to support them... but outside of that..nope... |
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Yes I agree with helping them depending on the crime.
Year's ago when I worked in the night clubs we were a good bunch of mates. We Had many regular customers, girls who looked up to us. one occasion one of the girls was attacked by a horrible person. We delt with the person no need for details. does this make us bad? |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Mon 10/30/17 09:32 AM
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 double posted
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