When you are not a party person (like me) it is always hard. Sometimes you can't reject party offer but if you are introvert a bit, it is always hard to find out what kind of party you are invited.

Some people are 100% party people. I'm jealous of them. During party, you see some people flirting each other for short relationship. Some people starts dirty dancing and they seem they are happy and it is nice if they really are.

I don't want to isolate myself from community. But i think i'm too shy and want to be invisible during those parties or sometimes i would like to start dancing and enjoy, then i start to worry that what if i would be misunderstood. Because i'm not plannig too far.

I just miss a long term relationship, serious one, maybe ends with marriage. Some people like that. But if you tell this in advance, there is a possibility to be misunderstood again and i don't want to break noone's heart.

Gosh! I think too much!

Is there anyone who thinks like me?
How do you deal with it in a kind way? how do you save yourself from being isolated then?

You think too much

You know why people behave/think/feel the way they do?
3 reasons.
1. Genetic conditioning.
2. Social conditioning.
3. Mental conditioning.

The 3rd is important. That entails expectations, memory, and the dialectic of experience (self appraisal of opinions/beliefs), figuring out the "bad" things that aren't satisfying to and how to pursue the things identified that are.

Everything you do or experience goes into your brain. Your brain cogitates on everything and learns how to push your personality towards doing/thinking/feeling certain ways in order to lead to desirous results. Desirous results being identified and defined via genetic, social, and mental conditioning.

Part of genetic conditioning, greatly supported by social conditioning, is commitment and consistency.

Once you've committed to something, as a human being you are pushed to follow through, to be consistent. It's part of/stems from the natural human reaction to lying, untruth.
Once you've decided something is true, or how something must be, you will exert inordinate effort in order to maintain the truth.
If you don't know something, you will spend energy to figure it out.

All cultures that have ever existed have proscriptions against lying, falsehoods, forked tongues, speaking untruths.
People fear the patch of tall grass that is weaving until they know the truth of there being a lion in it. Some people will be compelled to physically go check it out. Others will assume the big strong brave hunter/warrior will go check it or protect them. Others will sit there and think "hey, there are no lions around here, only rabbits, must be a rabbit in the grass."
People respond to lying or the unknown with fear of danger.

If you've decided through your own mental conditioning that your identity (the truth of you) is of an introvert, of someone shy, that you aren't a party person, you are going to be compelled to behave in ways that continue to make that true, that reinforce that belief.

If you are miserable at parties, you may choose to go to parties in order to make yourself feel miserable so as to prove right that you're miserable at parties so you can continue thinking you aren't a party person. You may have chosen to go to your very first party with the ultimate goal of making yourself miserable, even though your social conditioning and maybe genetic conditioning was all "yay! I get to go out, be with friends, drink and lose inhibitions!"

In reality, no one is absolutely an introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing.
People are malleable and adaptable to situations and needs.


In many to most cases, people that believe they are absolutely introverts, too shy, not party people, are really just kinda control freaks.
It's not that they don't like parties, that they're shy, dislike parties, but that they like not having their mental conditioning questioned, they like being able to control what information goes to their brain, like to live in their imaginations and personal opinions.

So, they go to parties (identifying as shy, introverted, and not party people) to not only make themselves miserable, reinforcing that is the truth, but also to derive greater pleasure from doing what they enjoy doing, isolating themselves, living in their head, thereby proving they are "right" that is the "truth."


So:

Most everyone. Everyone comes up with labels for themselves and others. Everyone works towards proving their labels true.


Most "self medicate" by leading a more hedonistic lifestyle while avoiding any labels whatsoever.
Most fail by labeling others while deathly avoiding any labels for themselves, or by trying to use social conditioning in the formation of personal labels while avoiding the dialectic identification process in mental conditioning.


You do the things you have to do just to do them even though you hate doing it, and keep doing it, rather than waiting for pleasant motivation to do it, accept the consequences and learn from them.

Also an introvert but an infj type to be exact.. not shy just don't wanna go to parties but you are right sometimes we can't say no... when I am there I am just enjoying. I can be sociable at times but when it's too much, I feel exhausted.. needs time to rest

We all want a long term relationship and just like you i don't wanna break someone's heart but it's unavoidable.. better to be frank and tell them what you really feel than to give someone a false hope

Love is always taking a risk

Don't be afraid to be misunderstood.. just be yourself.. sometimes we have to stop caring about what other people will think.. in the end it's our happiness that is more important not theirs... do what makes you happy and not what makes other people happy