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| Topic: Is it even worth it? | |
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So I've been hanging out with this guy for a few months. We'd hang out about once a week...It would usually consist of me going over to this place, having a few drinks, talking, watching movies, and sometimes cuddling. We've never hooked up. I'd just keep telling myself that it's just for fun and he's not my type at all...because he isn't. Physically, I find him very attractive and he's very intelligent and ambitious...which I like. But other than that, he doesnt have any qualities that I like in a guy and he even has some "deal breakers" for me. I know he's totally wrong for me, but recently, I've started to have really strong feelings for him. I can't stop thinking about him. The thing is, I'm moving to Boston next month for school and I'll probably only get to see him once or twice before I go. After that, I'll only be back here on breaks. Is it even worth it to tell him how I feel or should I just let it go and forget him?
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look at the pro's a con's, which out weighs which?
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I think you answered your own question....
"But other than that, he doesnt have any qualities that I like in a guy and he even has some "deal breakers" for me. I know he's totally wrong for me" and "I'm moving to Boston next month for school and I'll probably only get to see him once or twice before I go. After that, I'll only be back here on breaks" Unless you completely reassess what constitutes your deal-breakers, and you change your mind about moving, I think it's more or less a dead issue. Sounds like it's OK for a "right now" thing, but where's the future in it? |
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Sounds to me like you've already made your decision and going off to school only enhances that.. Could it be the time of year? Sometimes we go through things that make us think or feel things we wouldn't normally think or feel...
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you could always test the water see where it goes and how he feels who knows might be the onwe
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Yeah, I've told myself before that he's not boyfriend material. And if he's not boyfriend material, he's certainly not long distance material. I just can't stop thinking of him and I've been turning down actual dates from great guys who are my type because I don't want to spend time with anyone else. I have no idea how he feels about me, he's probably the last person on this earth to ever talk about feelings. I can't explain these weird feelings...maybe it is this time of year..who knows?
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well for starters your not having feelings for him, your lusting after his body, so don't tell him you'll just upset him and yourself
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well for starters your not having feelings for him, your lusting after his body, so don't tell him you'll just upset him and yourself I'd say that what my feelings for him are pretty legit. I'm not lusting after his body. If I were, I would have given in and at least kissed him. He's tried to hook up almost every time we've hung out but we just end up cuddling instead. I know that would probably frustrate most guys, but it doesn't seem to bother him because he keeps wanting to hang out, maybe thats one of the reasons I like him. I really do have strong feelings for him though and I can't help them. I guess it's not worth it to tell him since I'm leaving, but I do want to know what he would say. I'm dying to know if he feels the same way...is that selfish? |
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what is telling him going to hurt?if you truly do have feelings for him,let him know.atleast give the guy that before you move
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Is it even worth it to tell him how I feel or should I just let it go and forget him? Do him a favour, Stop wasting his time and giving him false impressions that it may go some where concerning a relationship , let him get on with his life. |
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So I've been hanging out with this guy for a few months. We'd hang out about once a week...It would usually consist of me going over to this place, having a few drinks, talking, watching movies, and sometimes cuddling. We've never hooked up. I'd just keep telling myself that it's just for fun and he's not my type at all...because he isn't. Physically, I find him very attractive and he's very intelligent and ambitious...which I like. But other than that, he doesnt have any qualities that I like in a guy and he even has some "deal breakers" for me. I know he's totally wrong for me, but recently, I've started to have really strong feelings for him. I can't stop thinking about him. The thing is, I'm moving to Boston next month for school and I'll probably only get to see him once or twice before I go. After that, I'll only be back here on breaks. Is it even worth it to tell him how I feel or should I just let it go and forget him? Break it off. End of story. If he has "deal breakers" and you are moving, what is there to debate? 
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it doesn't sound to me like she's giving him false impressions, it sounds to me like she legitimately likes this guy and is scared.
First, keep in mind the deal breakers. Are any of them something you think you can decide to deal with anyway? I don't know your age or his, but saying the word "school" makes me think probably pretty young. The 'deal breakers' may just be stuff he eventually grows out of. Think about that before you decide to get his reaction. It sounds to me like you've made a good friend so far, is that worth the risk? Its completely up to you if it is or not. He sounds like a pretty understanding person. Try something like this on for size (re word and add to it however you see fit): "I just wanted to tell you that I've developed feelings for you. If you dont' feel the same, its okay with me, we'll never speak of it again. I just felt I had to tell you." Sounds like you're both fairly mature, its possible that your friendship could sustain such a thing if he doesn't feel the same. Whether he does or not, you're still going away to school. BUT school won't last forever, and then there's breaks where you can see one another. Who knows? Life isn't much if its without risk. |
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Is it even worth it? not the most convincing or assuring term concerning a relationship , any one that has to ask such a question is already there obviously. the only thing that is scary at this point is She already knows She has to break it off with Him what She is looking for here is support for her actions. |
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From what I've read it seems her 'actions' have been pretty innocent. So far they've just been friends who cuddle, so there really isn't a reason to 'break off' a friendship. She seems like a smart girl, I'm sure she'll know what to do when the time comes.
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so there really isn't a reason to 'break off' a friendship. easy for You to say We are not hearing his side of the story contrary to popular belief there are two sides to every coin. She sound like she's dealing with feelings of guilt to me. |
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Is it even worth it? not the most convincing or assuring term concerning a relationship , any one that has to ask such a question is already there obviously. the only thing that is scary at this point is She already knows She has to break it off with Him what She is looking for here is support for her actions. I think you misinterpreted what I was looking for. He knows that I'm leaving for school, I told him about it weeks ago and we talked about it the last time we hung out. We've just never had any conversations regarding "us" or our feelings. He's not one to talk about feelings and neither am I. What I was asking here is if it's worth it to even let him know how I feel because I am curious to see if he feels the same way. I'm 100% sure that he's not looking for a relationship so I'm not leading him on in any way. I don't think I'm his type either, we're just too different. I just want to know if he has feelings for me too. |
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it doesn't sound to me like she's giving him false impressions, it sounds to me like she legitimately likes this guy and is scared. First, keep in mind the deal breakers. Are any of them something you think you can decide to deal with anyway? I don't know your age or his, but saying the word "school" makes me think probably pretty young. The 'deal breakers' may just be stuff he eventually grows out of. Think about that before you decide to get his reaction. It sounds to me like you've made a good friend so far, is that worth the risk? Its completely up to you if it is or not. He sounds like a pretty understanding person. Try something like this on for size (re word and add to it however you see fit): "I just wanted to tell you that I've developed feelings for you. If you dont' feel the same, its okay with me, we'll never speak of it again. I just felt I had to tell you." Sounds like you're both fairly mature, its possible that your friendship could sustain such a thing if he doesn't feel the same. Whether he does or not, you're still going away to school. BUT school won't last forever, and then there's breaks where you can see one another. Who knows? Life isn't much if its without risk. I don't know if I can put up with the deal breakers if we were in a relationship. I really don't think he's looking for a relationship anyway. He hooks up with a lot of girls and he hasn't had a girlfriend since he was in high school. He's 21 now and getting ready to graduate college. Even though I don't agree with some aspects of his lifestyle, he is a good person and we have great conversations. For some reason, it's just really hard for me to talk about feelings. I'm just wondering if he feels teh same way...if he doesnt, I guess I have nothing to lose since I'm leaving. I will be back here for breaks, but I dont see myself living in california after I graduate college..but who knows what the future would bring? |
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I'm 100% sure that he's not looking for a relationship so I'm not leading him on in any way. Well that clarifies a lot then doesn't it. I do find it strange He hasn't put any moves on You???? |
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I think its possible your feelings for him are feelings for familiarity. You've become accustomed to seeing him every week, he's been a constant thus far. Why ruin what seems to be a perfectly good friendship if its obvious to BOTH of you that it would never work? You do seem like a very smart girl. Good for you that you're thinking it through and not just acting on impulse. Ya know, if you guys decide to just stay friends for now, who knows what the future holds. I looked at your profile, you're only 20 years old. Can I guess that he's around your age? Neither of you are fully who you're going to be yet. You will change alot while in school and in new settings, and he will change as well. You could both wind up to where in a few years you're perfect for each other, OR you could have a life long friend. MY advice for right now would to be just be friends. You can even say "I really like you alot, I'm glad you're my friend" Then he'll know you care for him, but it won't put him on the spot. Best of luck with your schooling sweetie, may your future be bright and successful!
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I'm 100% sure that he's not looking for a relationship so I'm not leading him on in any way. Well that clarifies a lot then doesn't it. I do find it strange He hasn't put any moves on You???? I wrote in a post earlier that he has tried to hook up with me everytime we've hung out...but I'm just not into hooking up with people. He's fine with that because I know he hooks up with a lot of girls. Me and him just have great conversations so I guess it's different. |
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