Just asking from the bottom of my heart

Takes time and patience.

Like Stormy said, it takes time and patience. You also have to believe there are true gentlemen out there. Look for ways men are being gentlemanly rather than the ways they aren't. After a while of doing so, you'll notice there are actually quite a lot of them out there.

Did you search in Syria?

There are many real gentleman out there but there are several problems: most of you won't recognize one when he comes into your life and if you do, you won't respect him as the gentleman he is. As River said, look for ways their behaviors are those of a gentleman and appreciate them for it. If a gentleman holds your coat for you or opens the door for you, a "thank you" is much appreciated; if you take it for granted, it will soon not be happening for you.

Good point oldkid... I've actually heard men say they won't open doors for certain ladies anymore because they never say thank you. Showing appreciation goes a long way for any kind act.

I agree to a point River. I may feel sometimes that it would be nice to hear a thank you if I don't get one but I would not let that feeling change how I act. That's just how I am, I will always hold the door and pull out chairs, all the kind acts a lady would like them to do regardless if I get a thank you or not.

True dat, I read somewhere maybe Miss Manners or Dear Abby that when someone gives a gift or act of kindness they shouldn't expect a thank you, though I agree a thank you would be nice. Is that the purpose of being kind? To demand gratitude? It should be from your heart

I agree with you there

"why is so hard to find a true and real gentleman?"

After studying this for six decades, I have noticed two main things about it.

One, is that very few people (especially males) are directly taught what it is to be a "gentleman." Mostly, we are expected to pick it up via osmosis.

A much bigger reason, is that BEING a gentleman isn't generally rewarded.

Note the entries here about people not saying "thank you," for example. It took me a long time and a lot of effort and thought, to work out what I SHOULD have been directly taught, which is that saying "please" and "thankyou" are not rote obligations, to be used only in formal settings, or worse, to signal subservience. What they actually are best used for, is to directly signal mutual respect and good will between people.

Socially, things get slightly trickier, because one of the prime components of being a "true and real gentleman," is that one is not pushy and demanding. But in US society at least, many people only get noticed in a crowd, if they ARE pushy and demanding. That alone, tends to make those of us trained by "osmosis," opt for discarding the whole "gentleman" thing, fairly early on. those of us who stick with it anyway, often spend a fair amount of time quietly observing the females who complain about the dearth of "real gentleman," as they go about their lives repeatedly choosing the non-gentleman, because those guys are the ones doing the bulk of the overt chasing.

Basically, it's math. Just as the guys who complain that most women are duplicitous, think that's true because they habitually chase duplicitous women, so too most women who complain they can't find any "true gentlemen," are only looking at the loud and pushy non-gentlemen for attention.

I do not expect a guy (random stranger) to hold/ open a door for me.
I walk kinda slow (when I am not hurrying), and I have had more than a few look at me like "hurry up, ya fat bi**ch I ain't got all day.."...like I am supposed to now HURRY just because they decided to be "nice"..
If you were being nice..you wouldn't have that snarky look on your face..
Second, I didn't *ask you*...
But, even then, I mumble a half-assed "thanks"...

If it is someone I know, we;re out together, I *always* say thanks..that's just courteous.

I agree with ibaceltic1 though on one thing...
IF you do it solely because you expect a thanks...that's wrong...true niceness does things just to be kind and courteous, nothing expected...

If you have to advertise/ tell people/ brag about what a gentleman you are....maybe you are NOT.
Because it should be evident in your daily behavior....and people would already see/ know that...no need to "advertise"..
Like my late husband used to say "quality sells itself"...

Not me...I have never gone in for the loud, pushy, cocky, aggressive alpha-type guys (no, not interested in debating the definition here, you like them, good on you...that's great)..

I like the more laid back, quiet type...they are usually way more interesting and intelligent/ intellectual...

None of my long-terms wee with loud, pushy, outspoken, "works the crowd" type guys..they were all quiet, artsy, bookish (the exception being my ex in the 80's, he was not "bookish") types.

There may be other places in your heart to ask from. Explore.

Look around you, are the men around you true and real gentlemen? If yes, you don't have to look elsewhere. If no, that is sad because it is unlikely that you will find them on the internet.

I also agree with Rosie. Much of what you're looking for is determined by your definition of a "gentleman", since social mores and expectations have changed in the past 40 years.

And I also agree with you, Mike. Gone were those days

To me, a gentleman is thoughtful and kind, without expectation.
And a thoughtful and kind woman will always say thank you.
These people do exist. :)

I can only speak for myself, but I pride myself on being a gentleman. I've had good and bad relationships and I love and cherish women, and if I'm fortunate enough to have another relationship I will treat her like a queen! I always have.

My two cents is that what makes a 'true gentleman' is probably as subjective as what makes a 'true lady'. And that both probably will find a hard time finding each other in the modern 'gender fluid'/lack of gender roles culture.

I agree John!