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| Topic: another Joke | |
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I’ve heard that one Apple Love but it’s still funny
 . I have one: Where does Superman park his Cars? On Lois Lane. |
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Nice joke.Lawyers always Go To hell ?
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Nice joke.Lawyers always Go To hell ? haha...thats what it meant  ...im trying my best not to be included lol.
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I’ve heard that one Apple Love but it’s still funny  . I have one: Where does Superman park his Cars? On Lois Lane. funny julie 
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Vibes to answer your question is not as much as all televangelists go to Heaven.
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A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a salary raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand and finally said in her frail voice,  "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."The entire congregation said "Amen."  Thanks to Umbrella ☔ I-Mean Cinde-rella |
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Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him. "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!”🤣 |
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Thumping joke
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F
UNNYMy thumb also pain's |
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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.” The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.” She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?” “Yes I do.” says the lady. The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours"  |
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I like that
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An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.... Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone. The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares. |
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An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.... Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone. The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares. Good Message Conveyed In Humour Way.  N ICE
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An aeroplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.  The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.” The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.” SmartBoy
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Funny Robin
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An aeroplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.” The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.” SmartBoyhahahaha..i knew it..the boy is the smartest.  
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A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was a Navy SEAL for 20 years." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every Day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?" "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that."🤣🤣🤣 |
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A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was a Navy SEAL for 20 years." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every Day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?" "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that."🤣🤣🤣 |
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Edited by
Ꮢ Ꭷ Ᏸ ɨ Ꮑ
on
Wed 11/30/22 08:16 AM
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A husband notices that his wife’s hearing is deteriorating, and decides to visit her doctor for advice.
“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doctor. “There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does”. That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks to himself, “what a perfect opportunity to test her hearing”. He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks; "What’s for dinner honey?” No answer. He moves closer. "What’s for dinner honey?” Still no answer. He moves even closer. "What’s for dinner honey?” Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is stood right next to his wife. "What’s for dinner honey?” “FOR THE FOURTH FሀCKING TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN” KeepSmiling
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Not a Joke but worthy of sharing...from An Unknown Author
THINGS TO TEACH YOUR SON 1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down. 2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs. 3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king. 4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer. 5. Request the late check-out. 6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it. 7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard. 8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas. 9. Play with passion or don’t play at all… 10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye. 11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be. 12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point. 13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her. 14. You marry the girl, you marry her family. 15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath. 16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone. 17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room. 18. Never turn down a breath mint. 20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising. 22. Eat lunch with the new kid. 23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it. 24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win. 25. Manners maketh the man. 26. Give credit. Take the blame. 27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied. 28. Write down your dreams. 29. Take time to snuggle your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you. 30. Be confident and humble at the same time. 31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and REFUSE to just be ordinary! 32. In all things lead by example not explanation. 33. Dress how you want to be addressed 34. BE BLESSED BY BEING A BLESSING Author Unknown |
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