MOONLIGHT PROPOSAL

Moonlight shown in silver tone
She spied a lover within her glow
On his knee in pale moonlight
A tear had formed and shone so bright
A bundle of roses within his hand
An offer of love within his grasp
A ring then offered with quivering sigh
He hoped and prayed this perfect night
His lover's face adorned with tear
Bid him stand and held him near
Her voice had spoke in words unsaid
And felt the moment in which they tread
The answer came with kiss so dear
Their hearts had purged their doubt and fear
Bound together with love this night
Proposal accepted in love's moonlight.

Fadedspirit 1/4/08

aaaahhhh...SOMEDAY!!!!!!.....

Hurrayyyyyyyyy
So sweet

Thanks lelee and nightimefantasy.

-This is really good, but mind if I do some crits?-

Moonlight shown in silver tone
She spied a lover within her glow [explain..]
On his knee in pale moonlight [this is a strong line]
A tear had formed and shone so bright[yerr using 'shone/shown' a lot]
A bundle of roses within his hand
An offer of love within his grasp
A ring then offered with quivering sigh [offer should be changed..yew used it in the line before]
He hoped and prayed this perfect night [this line sticks out and is unnecessary]
His lover's face adorned with tear [nice...however, yew've changed POV..]
Bid him stand and held him near
Her voice had spoke in words unsaid [spoke in? or spoken? i'm confused..]
And felt the moment in which they tread
The answer came with kiss so dear [a kiss or just kiss? either way it works]
Their hearts had purged their doubt and fear [strong..^^]
Bound together with love this night
Proposal accepted in love's moonlight. [this is a nice ending]

These are some simple crits..I really liked it and hope yew don't mind me critiquing yerr poetry..yew have quite the skill.
There's a website I think yew may like-www.poetry.org It's really useful and I love it.

-Lozer =3

Ohhhhhh very nice (((( fadedspirit )))))

I don't mind critiques Lozer as long as you may bear in mind that most words that are written come from the heart and for some, they come from somewhere in the soul. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

Awww....thanks LAMom!

Well,
I understand poetry very
well..I write poetry all the
time. It's just that,
what makes a poem is not just
all of the emotion in it,
but the revision and work,
also..I'm a huge believer of that. ^^

But I really liked it..^^

Hmm....we can do this Lozer.

Moonlight shown in silver tone
She spied a lover within her glow [explain..]
EXPLANATION: read the context and understand that the moon is being figuratively personafied as using it's light to see or capture a glimpse of something.

Moonlight shown in silver tone
A tear had formed and shone so bright[yerr using 'shone/shown' a lot]
EXPLANATION: The first line is and expletive line. The second line shone is used as a past tense of shine, so therefore, two totally different words with different meanings.

An offer of love within his grasp
A ring then offered with quivering sigh [offer should be changed..yew used it in the line before]
EXPLANATION: offer is used twice to illustrate two different actions which also gives meaning to context. The first line is used as a gift able to be received while the second line is used as a gift given.

He hoped and prayed this perfect night [this line sticks out and is unnecessary]
EXPLANATION: This line is really necessary to complete the feeling of the quivering sigh.

His lover's face adorned with tear [nice...however, yew've changed POV..]
EXPLANATION: Author's perogative

Her voice had spoke in words unsaid [spoke in? or spoken? i'm confused..]
EXPLANATION: Correct grammar here. read as written.

The answer came with kiss so dear [a kiss or just kiss? either way it works]
EXPLANATION: Writer's perogative again


Their hearts had purged their doubt and fear [strong..^^]
EXPLANATION: Was meant to be strong, because it holds deep meaning.


Proposal accepted in love's moonlight. [this is a nice ending]
EXPLANATION: Thanks

Thanks Lozer.

I understand where you're comming from. I've been a writer for a while. Just bear in mind that some of the work from Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Keats, or even Hemmingway were not revised. Most of the poetry you will find here are forms of free verse. Happy writing.