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| Topic: Abusive sister | |
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I know alot of people say spanking is bad, but somedays I wish my sister had been spanked just once. She is a very vicious kid, last night she was almost arrested for hitting her boyfriend, and you know what she said about it?
"If they arrest me, when i get back im gonna beat your ass" so calling the police won't help, she is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. My mom just turned 52 on the 16th and my oh so wonderful sister, told my mom on her birthday-- "I can't wait till you die, I hate you anyways" My other sister the older of the 2 is about ready to kick her ass. I have virtually disowned her. I know for a fact that she has never been hit as my mom always tries to find other ways to punish us. The normal things didnt work on my sister though. my mom would ground her and she'd walk out of the house anyways, taking away privilages didn't matter, my sister would just do it anyways. She hits people all the time, whenever she gets angry at them. She swears at my mom all the time and basically does whatever she wants. My mom is at her wits end. Any suggestions? |
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IT CAN BE MANY THINGS_ANGER ISSUES, DRUG AND OR ALCOHAL ABUSE, DEPRESSION, BIPOLAR,
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I know alot of people say spanking is bad, but somedays I wish my sister had been spanked just once. She is a very vicious kid, last night she was almost arrested for hitting her boyfriend, and you know what she said about it? "If they arrest me, when i get back im gonna beat your ass" so calling the police won't help, she is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. My mom just turned 52 on the 16th and my oh so wonderful sister, told my mom on her birthday-- "I can't wait till you die, I hate you anyways" My other sister the older of the 2 is about ready to kick her ass. I have virtually disowned her. I know for a fact that she has never been hit as my mom always tries to find other ways to punish us. The normal things didnt work on my sister though. my mom would ground her and she'd walk out of the house anyways, taking away privilages didn't matter, my sister would just do it anyways. She hits people all the time, whenever she gets angry at them. She swears at my mom all the time and basically does whatever she wants. My mom is at her wits end. Any suggestions? How old is she? If not 17 juvenile is always an option or maybe boot camp... |
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might want to think about family counceling. Even if your sister doesn't go they can usually give suggestions as to how to handle the situation.
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 I had 2 very mean sisters when I was a kid.
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Edited by
Foliel
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Tue 02/19/08 10:09 PM
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she's 19, depression is possible, she is in counseling and has been declared unfit to care for herself, which means my mom gets to put up with her. My mom tries to put on a happy face but I don't know how much longer she can hold it.
My mom is suffering from depression herself and all this drama everyday isn't helping. |
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meds might help while she works on her issues with the counselor.
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I had 2 very mean sisters when I was a kid. I wonder if my brother says that? |
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I had 2 very mean sisters when I was a kid. I wonder if my brother says that?  My sisters are still mean !!
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she's 19, depression is possible, she is in counseling and has been declared unfit to care for herself, which means my mom gets to put up with her. My mom tries to put on a happy face but I don't know how much longer she can hold it. My mom is suffering from depression herself and all this drama everyday isn't helping. Your sibling feelings are very normal for the situation you are in. If you contact the National Alliance For The Mental Ill they can connect you with family support groups in your area. Hopefully give you venues to help you cope. Family history makes me wonder if there isn't some medical issue. Chronic Rage is not unusal in second generation depression but it is very difficult to treat. Actually your Mother does have a choice. She can make her a ward of the State on an out of control petition but then a state social worker will probably just park your sister in a residential care home where she will get marginal care and she will probably run away if she doesn't get arrested for one or another crime. That she will very likely add addictions to her problems is imminently possible. Or get pregnant since very rarely is forethought and planning a strong suit of people with conduct disorders. For your own sanity sake you might want to consider another living alternative if Mom won't address family needs rather than the needs of only the most disturbed child. Be very careful who you end up chooseing as a potential room mate. With the chaotic environment you have lived in you don't want to jump from the skillet to the fire. Will keep you on my prayer list. You are welcome to IM anytime you want for peer support. |
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she's 19, depression is possible, she is in counseling and has been declared unfit to care for herself, which means my mom gets to put up with her. My mom tries to put on a happy face but I don't know how much longer she can hold it. My mom is suffering from depression herself and all this drama everyday isn't helping. i don't think spanking would have helped...this sounds like a mental issue, not a disciplinary one. i've dealt with many a mentally unfit person...and i'm so sorry. this can be such a drain on the family...emotionally and financially. hopefully, the therapist and her will make some grounds. i would NOT allow her to just abuse me, however...i don't care if you have to lock yourself or her in a room to get away, or only socialize when she's stable. |
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totally agree w/star!!!
she's 19, depression is possible, she is in counseling and has been declared unfit to care for herself, which means my mom gets to put up with her. My mom tries to put on a happy face but I don't know how much longer she can hold it. My mom is suffering from depression herself and all this drama everyday isn't helping. Your sibling feelings are very normal for the situation you are in. If you contact the National Alliance For The Mental Ill they can connect you with family support groups in your area. Hopefully give you venues to help you cope. Family history makes me wonder if there isn't some medical issue. Chronic Rage is not unusal in second generation depression but it is very difficult to treat. Actually your Mother does have a choice. She can make her a ward of the State on an out of control petition but then a state social worker will probably just park your sister in a residential care home where she will get marginal care and she will probably run away if she doesn't get arrested for one or another crime. That she will very likely add addictions to her problems is imminently possible. Or get pregnant since very rarely is forethought and planning a strong suit of people with conduct disorders. For your own sanity sake you might want to consider another living alternative if Mom won't address family needs rather than the needs of only the most disturbed child. Be very careful who you end up chooseing as a potential room mate. With the chaotic environment you have lived in you don't want to jump from the skillet to the fire. Will keep you on my prayer list. You are welcome to IM anytime you want for peer support. |
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Everything in life is a choice.
Your family has the power to NOT have this drama around. TOUGH LOVE is for the person doing it as much as the reciever. Have her arrested & let the legal system get involved, might get her to change. Get help for yourselves also. The YWCA in this area has some fantastic programs for women & men. |
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Edited by
zippyfear
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Wed 02/20/08 07:16 AM
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We have problems with my older sister (I am the youngest of 3). My older brother being the 1st child (oldest).
Me and my brother went into the Air Force after college and both completed college after that. We both have held great jobs over the past 10 years. My sister continues to be a mess. did not finish high school. eventually went on to get her GED. can not hold a job, lives in a bad neighborhood with a bad (abusive) relationship and 3 kids which she is doing a mediocre job raising. My parents spanked us all. go figure.. didn't help her at all. |
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I know alot of people say spanking is bad, but somedays I wish my sister had been spanked just once. She is a very vicious kid, last night she was almost arrested for hitting her boyfriend, and you know what she said about it? "If they arrest me, when i get back im gonna beat your ass" so calling the police won't help, she is physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. My mom just turned 52 on the 16th and my oh so wonderful sister, told my mom on her birthday-- "I can't wait till you die, I hate you anyways" My other sister the older of the 2 is about ready to kick her ass. I have virtually disowned her. I know for a fact that she has never been hit as my mom always tries to find other ways to punish us. The normal things didnt work on my sister though. my mom would ground her and she'd walk out of the house anyways, taking away privilages didn't matter, my sister would just do it anyways. She hits people all the time, whenever she gets angry at them. She swears at my mom all the time and basically does whatever she wants. My mom is at her wits end. Any suggestions? Next time she hits someone, you call the police, when she is arrainged, you don't bail her out, when she goes to trial, you go to the judge and you ask the judge to put her in an inhouse treatment center. When she gets out, you request for her to have ongoing counceling, which most metropolitan areas have a sliding scale for that sort of thing. (Catholic charities, ect) if she continues to behave badly, you don't allow her in your home. |
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she's 19, depression is possible, she is in counseling and has been declared unfit to care for herself, which means my mom gets to put up with her. My mom tries to put on a happy face but I don't know how much longer she can hold it. My mom is suffering from depression herself and all this drama everyday isn't helping. i don't think spanking would have helped...this sounds like a mental issue, not a disciplinary one. i've dealt with many a mentally unfit person...and i'm so sorry. this can be such a drain on the family...emotionally and financially. hopefully, the therapist and her will make some grounds. i would NOT allow her to just abuse me, however...i don't care if you have to lock yourself or her in a room to get away, or only socialize when she's stable. Just a word of caution you can not legally lock her in a room for any reason. It is considered illegal confinement, and carries some very major penalties. |
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I agree this is not a spanking, discipline issue, it is a mental health issue. She has some sort of personality disorder, just the fact that she was found unfit to care for herself proves there is something organically/chemically wrong. But your mom needs some help with her too. I agree with what Star said, contact the Alliance and other mental health agencies, see what they recommmend. Some cities have housing for women or halfway houses. If your mom has depression, this only makes it worse for her too, they both need help. This is a hard place to be in, her mom wants to help her, but your sister is stuck in a place mentally where she doesn't want it and is very angry at the world and needs treatment, and sometimes the treatment doesn't actually do much depending on the disorder. Some mental disorders are very hard to treat unless the patient really works at changing, and it sounds like your sister isn't willing to change, not at this point anyways. I would talk to a social worker and see what is available out there and then have a family meeting and see what you can come up with. I agree, too, if she hits anyone, call the police and have her held responsible for her actions. Good luck, this is a really hard place to be in. She may grow out of some of it with age, but that takes a long time.
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hopefully, the therapist and her will make some grounds. i would NOT allow her to just abuse me, however...i don't care if you have to lock yourself or her in a room to get away, or only socialize when she's stable. Just a word of caution you can not legally lock her in a room for any reason. It is considered illegal confinement, and carries some very major penalties. daniel, there isn't a police officer or court that will penalize someone for locking a door to get away. nobody has to stand still and be beat on. |
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Ok , I am NOT taking up for your sister, but has she ever been "abused" As in sexual abuse ?
I mean I have and sometimes victoms play this role of.. " I'll hurt them before they hurt me."  No offence on this question. Its hard to tell loved ones about such abuse. And if she had been " S - abused" , she can't play victom her whole life. She must learn to SERVIVE. I do hope she hasn't tho. PLEASE do not be angry at me peolpe.....I am just sayin. |
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