Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? And if they aren’t you really needed to take a bath.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And if you have any, send them to us!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you!

Why do they call it a "driveway"

Why do they say, "A pair of pants" when it's only one.