tonight i was asked if i could write a country/folk style song...thinking no, i didn't let it stop me from trying...


Goin Nowhere

Your hearts been broken
So many times
You hold me back
And you draw those lines
But, I’m not the one
Who’s been
Hurtin you

Unfurl your
Suspicious brow
Follow me
Up to the clouds
And I’ll dance with you
Till the stars
Don’t shine

So put away
Your runnin shoes
I’ve got somethin
To say to you
Girl, I promise you
I’m goin
Nowhere

Lay to rest the
Empty smiles
Take my hand
Let’s walk for a while
And I know we’ll
Find ourselves in
Better days

Just sit with me
Enjoy the fire
I’ll tune up my
Favorite guitar
And I’ll sing for you
Till the night
Passes by

So put away
Your runnin shoes
Sometimes to win
You have to dare to loose
And I promise you
I’m goin
Nowhere

Girl I promise you
I’m goin
Nowhere



kc08

In The Light…One


Minute by painful minute the clock moves closer to releasing its screeching voice, its once every twenty-four hour call to end my early morning larceny.

In the quiet of night I listen to you breathe
A soft and subtle rhythm that soon dictates my own

Each passing tic of the hands
Reveals more and more of the silhouette
Of the temple at my side
Every smile
Every blink
Every beat of my heart
A mere pittance to all I dream to lay in homage at your feet

Now, like yesterday
Like the day before
And the day before that
I want to wake you
To take you
To taste those lips
That exhale so much life
To breathe in everything you breathe out
To feel my body

S
…L
…….I
……….D
…………..E
Into yours
And have the love
I crave so dearly
Fully encompass me
Cocoon me
Shelter and revive me

But, as the light
Filters into the window
I stop my hand by the thickness
Of an eyelash
Just above your brow
And trace in air
Along the bridge of your nose
Down its length
Past your lips and over your chin
I contemplate each little curve

Each rise and fall
Of my finger
Another journey led
By your endless beauty
An expedition to find another unknown
Part of you
This is what keeps me alive
This is what keeps me sane
This is what I steal

Little moments of time that I collect and
Build into a shrine
For you in my heart
The heart you have freed
The heart that belongs only
To you

For this morn the clock moves too quickly
It is time to end my nightly pursuit
I reach and stop the unkind noise
From the rude awakening it so cruelly
Intends to deliver

Instead I wake you with
A sunlit kiss
On your cheek
And anxiously await that first morning’s smile
Contented beyond all
That you’ll ever know
That I, for at least this one more day
Have felt the warmth
Of your soul
And danced under the blanket of your heart
And it was brought to me
Courtesy of seeing you

In the light


kc08

See I am right,,

Grace, Kindness, Love and Dignity
flowing from your spirit, Heart and
Soul

Stripped


Your hands
So strong
Yet, so feminine
They hold you
Steady as
You spin
Lift you
From the floor
Push away the
Un-wanted
Un-necessary
Un-savory
Advances
Of drunken
Dreamers
And corrupt
Men

Living from
Song to song
Private dances
VIP illusions
Mind games
Look but don’t touch

Drive them
Crazy

Count that cash
With those
Nimble
Roaming
Counterfeit
Fingers
That make
Promises
Your body
Won’t keep

Make them
Drool
Plot
Plan
And pledge

Ride that
Pole
Grind on
His lap
Give him a
Face full
Of “d” cups
Running over
With imagination

Man magnets
That would never
Stick to his
Corroded
Representation
Of artificial
Prosperity
And hopeless
Lies
Who are they
To criticize
With their
Cheating eyes
And shark like
Frenzies

Send them
Home
To their wives
Who
“Don’t understand”
Rock hard
And bursting
With disappointment
Anger sex
Her reward
For a long day
With the kids
And a fresh
Unspoiled
Box of
Kitty litter

The weekend…

Time for them
To cut
Loose
Time for you
To cash in

Shake it
To make it

Friday
Saturday
Another way
To say
Car payment
Mortgage
Tuition
Two more years
Of this
Acting class
And you’ll
Return to the
Safe missionary
Position
You prefer…

Then you can
Use those
Same strong
Hands to
Strip away
The residue
Of necessity

Just don’t
Be too
Jaded
When you
Finally arrive


kc09

You Don’t Know Me (written with a friend)

You don’t know me
The things I need
The things that would
Please
Appease
Excite and
Delight me
You never took the time
To see what you would find
It you only looked deeper
Tried
A little harder
Looked
A little farther

To you
It never mattered
If my smile was real
Or perhaps concealed
The things I feel
You didn’t want
To see
The real me
But I looked deeper
And now I’m free
Of dreams and hopes
Once holding me
In your cold
Uncaring
Captivity

When I look in your eyes
I realize they’re nothing more
Than impersonal copies
Of what you’d
Find on a mural
Behind the
Prescriptives counter
And to think
I used to fall
So deeply
Into them …

Deep enough to
Lose
Myself
Mindlessly
Stumbling
Fumbling
Searching to find
Something more
Than Me
To find a “We”
That never
Truly
Existed

Well I’ve been
Enlightened
My vision
Heightened
The darkness
Lightened
You’ve shown me
Who you are
And what
You will
Never be

And now at last
My path is wide
And clear of
Fantastical
Notions
Convoluted
Emotions
Emptied of
The insincere
Debris
Under which
You buried me

The accumulation
Of promises
Promised
Piled high
On the tray
Of hope
Carried around
By the
Falsehearted
You that
I believed and
Trusted
Weighing
Heavy
On me with the
Disenchantment
Of a thousand
Dreams
Never to be
Realized

“I was once lost
But now I’m found
Was blind
But now
I see”*

Amazing grace
Amazing waste
Bitter taste
Of loves embrace


kc & alicia winski

Love like that

She read Josephine’s letters and cried

She wanted a love like that

I guess the closest thing she could remember was the time one of her boyfriends wrote her a poem. It wasn’t very good and like most times with her men it was too late. They had already broken up.
In fact, she recalls the night he told her he was leaving. How those words like briers tugged at her skin. From her heart moving outward, slowly scraping at her and not stopping until it reached the tips of all her extremities.

So clear he was that night; so matter-of- fact and oh, so, damn arrogant. She hated him for lying to her though the lie was her realization that he was not leaving that day at that moment no, he had been gone for months.


We could have been lovers…Her and I

If not, for the timing of life getting in the way. We’ve spent most of the days we have known each other, either falling or healing but, always at separate stages and never with one-an-other. We have never discussed it, never acted upon it, though it does seem to lurk just below the surface with us. You can see it in the hugs that sometimes last longer than a friends` should. It is evident in the jealous glare of her latest auditioner. It shows up in the late night calls and the unannounced visits she is so famous for.

We double dated one time and spent the entire evening talking to each other. Sat next to each other at dinner and pretty much lost track of the two unlucky people we were supposed to be out with. It was sad for them yet, she and I often laugh about it, even now.

It’s kind of strange the way she never notices it, the way I look at her. The way I am always there for her. How I just seem to never have plans when she calls. How I take care of her when she is sick or as too often the case, the way I hold her hair when she has too much to drink.

I remember last winter; she stopped by one very cold night. I remember this night for two reasons, not because of the freezing temperature but, because when she walked through my door the crisp, cold, clean winter air didn’t really follow her in, it attached itself to her. It was like every follicle of her hair breathed in the freshness and held on to it only to discharge it slowly throughout the night. Like little time release scent capsules of awakening and affirmation. (To this day it still lingers in my mind) As I removed her coat and she walked away I just stood there and soaked it all in.

Secondly because, we sat on the couch, shared two bottles of wine and just talked all night. We watched a movie but, couldn’t tell you what it was. Somewhere between yawning and first light she fell asleep on me. And I do mean “on me” her head was on my chest, her elbow was digging into me and most of her weight was over my left leg. Cutting off the circulation and sending it into a slow and numbing sleep.

It was quite possibly the most uncomfortable night of my life but, I didn’t wake her. I managed to get the blanket over both of us and just enjoyed having her close. I must have run my fingers through her hair a thousand times (it was all I could do to keep from burring my face in it) the scent was still there and she looked so beautiful, peaceful.

At one point she raised her head, looked at me and simply smiled. That was when I knew I was not going to move a muscle the rest of the night or the rest of the next day for that matter.

I dosed off for a while and woke from the sun shining brightly through the room. She had moved her arm from trying to penetrate my ribs and had it under me. The other arm was resting across my chest with her hand on my shoulder. Mine? Well, one was hanging off of the couch and the other, in spite of me falling asleep never left her curls. Hell, I’m not sure I ever stopped passing my hand through them.

We’ve had many nights like this over the years. I have watched her search and toil, get used and use, I’ve held her when she’s cried, laughed at and with her, I miss her when she is away and I’ve rescued her several times. And through all of this I can tell you, she is amazing. Except for the fact that she can’t see she already has a love like that.



kc09

I’m In You (The Devils Due )


i am a child of the rain,
the architect of pain

i am your suicidal pact,
the monkey on your back

i gave birth to the girl
you cannot quit
and i coach the guy
who treats you like sh*t
i scoff at your feeble attempts
to ignore me
while i prey
on your weakness
thrive in the shadows
and feed on your shame
kick you when
you’re down
and laugh at you when
you half heartedly
call to your god
for help
and forgiveness

i have an insatiable hunger
and you feed me well…

i am there
when strangers
fill your body
you recognize me
in that excruciating
hollow feeling
that massages your soul
as the last remnants
of what you thought
might be a
meaningful
expression
trickle slowly down
the inside
of your thigh
dampening your sheets
and washing away
your dreams

i am in every
first drink
and every
last drop
the high steaks room
and the penny slots


i am not
a disease
you didn’t catch me
i am in you
and you wouldn’t
have it any other way
i am stronger
than you
or any 28 day
program you
throw at me
i am your
excuse
you are my
playmate
your life,
my comedic script
and when i get
bored with it
i tie the
tourniquet
so you can
deal with it

then you can turn it over
to the greasy
white coats
who get you to trade
the fiction
of the
prescription,
one addiction
for another
affliction
pre-bottled
especially
for you
a one size fix
that will have you
knocking on
my door
before the
check clears
because we both know
the real problem is
you love me
more than
you will ever
love yourself
so let me escort you
to the pinnacle
then steer you
to the valley
rock bottom is my
sanctuary and your tomb
and the hollow feeling
i talked about-
that is my
jungle gym
where recess
can last a
lifetime…
and that’s
how long
i plan to
be here

now come to me
with your warmth
and desire…
burning
fulfillment
shall be your reward
forever and ever



kc09

Nothing Everything

I remember you with snap shots
from my mind

I have to…

My heart has locked away all feelings
All emotions have been put to rest

Your absence has changed everything

Nothing is the same
Not sound
Not touch
Not taste
Nothing

And I have to admit,
it’s better than numb which,
allows a faint sensation
Instead; nothing gets through

Nothing moves me

Not the dim flicker
of early evening stars
Not the yellow tinted moon
hovering on the horizon…

But, as I lay here tonight
Thinking in ink
I relish in the understanding
That as long as I am feeling…

Nothing

I am free
To one day… (perhaps soon)
Feel everything

Once more


Kc09

Each one so beautiful in it's complexity. Wow...

Now I have a place to come to, where I can take in your
Beautiful Soul

Thank you both very much

How I Became Single



I remember us that Saturday
We walked by the riverside
Holding hands
Falling, falling
So deep

You turned into my everything that day
Everything I could ever wish for

When the thunderstorm made its way up the river, we ran under that huge walnut tree and you clung to me so tight…It wasn’t much for shelter but, it did make for an unforgettable place for us to share our love that first time.

Married eight months later.
Your love changed everything for me. Why then do the winds blow so harshly on me now?

Today of all days…
This was to be our day

If live for a thousand more years, I will never forget the way they pushed me out of the delivery room. Their faces turning from routine to panic in the blink of an eye, I was so scared for you.
I can only pray you know I didn’t want to leave you there.

Oh god! How I love you

This waiting is killing me.

Walking…
Walking…

Your family is trying to help but, I can’t take this much longer. Why can’t they let me/us know something?

Wait hon, I think the doctor is coming
“How is she?”
“How are they?”
“I want to see them, now!”

Oh no!
(I see them over his shoulder)
The two nurses at the door are standing arm in arm. Blood covering their scrubs, somber stares to their eyes.
What?

“What do you mean; you know this is hard on me? What the **** do you know?”
“I want to see my wife, NOW!!!”
“I want to see my daughter”…
“No! I will not calm down.”
The weight of his hand on my back almost knocked me to the floor. The heaviness of his words finished the job.

NO! GOD, please NO!

Goddammit babe, I hope you can’t see me on this floor, head in hands that shake from pain, a river of tears that flow from the eyes of a frightened broken man, my heart bleeding for all to see.

I miss you already…both of you
I can not breathe
I can’t get up






kc09

Human Me


I stood
on the top
of that
granite
mountain
shimmied
to the outer
most reach
of the limb
of emotional
cause
screamed
at the top
of my
lungs
and waited…

there is
no more
sad a sound
than an
echo
returned
in
silence
and the
tear
inching
its way
down my
hardened
flesh
serves
as yet
another
reminder
that i
am all too
human…



kc09

The Senior Class President and Me

For three and a half years she was my world.

I hadn’t really thought of her in years, then out of the cobwebs of my mind she appeared.

Julie,
Julie with her long blonde hair, big brown eyes and that
tanned Southern California skin.

Though there were a few before her, for the purpose of love,
She was the first.

Total opposites we were; her, prim and proper
Me, anti everything…

She was two years younger than me and five years ahead.
The night she gave herself to me, completely, she cried in my arms for what seemed like hours. It is one of the sweetest memories I carry to this day. I was her first and we were deeply and madly in love.

We taught one-an-other everything about relationships, sex and life.
We taught each other what it was to love.

She often spoke of marriage and children but, at nineteen I knew I was nowhere near ready for that.
As it turned out, that was our downfall.
My inability to grow up as fast as she had.
She tried though, tried her best
Until she realized that,
I knew “me” better than she ever would.

And I was right…

So, without meaning to, I taught her about disappointment…
And without wanting to, she taught me about loss…

I don’t know where you are now, we lost track years ago but,
wherever that is, I hope it is where you want to be…


kc09

Dichotomy of Her Goodbyes `

Usually it is an afterthought…goodbye…

Goodbye, bye, see you later
It is said in times of hurry
Times of…..eh?
…..Going

We use it everyday
It has become sort of a
Well wishing…

But,

There is something excruciating about the way she says goodbye

She has a way of saying it
That makes me hurt,
Makes me wish I could freeze time
And live in her eyes for eternity

And,

There is something alarming about the way she says goodbye

Almost a warning…
As if, once exposed;
All of the evil elements in the universe
Might conspire to deny my return
My journey,
May well be interrupted by a
Possessed breeze
That passes through me
And washes away any memory of her
And I will be lost…forever

Yet,

There is something so magical about the way she says goodbye

How she draws out the last of it
…G`byyyeeeeeeee…
It nearly begs for a question mark

Yes my sweet, yes
Yes I’m leaving
And yes,

I’ll be back

It sounds so,
Endearing so,
Laced with
Desire and longing
Her voice fluctuates
My soul
Chills
My mind visualizes her
In all the stages of her life
From the woman in front of me
All the way back
To her childhood

Back to this pretty little girl
Standing at the end of a driveway
Somewhere
Waving
With little pink bows
Holding back
Her hair

I love the little girl in her
The teenager
The woman

And I have come to both,
Detest
And love

The way she says….

……………goodbye



kc09

Exit…Stage Left



Goodbye, my friend
Seems
We’ve come to
The end
Though I hate
Them
I must say…

Goodbye

Goodbye my sweet
Through these
Tears I see
The flight
Of a
Single dove
It’s always been you
With this
Bittersweet
View
But, I could have
Used
Just a little
More love

Farewell, adieu
Please
Look after you
And when
You think
Of me
Try not
To cry
I’m not what you
Wished
I’ve resigned
Myself, this
And by the
Cowards way
I shall fly

Goodbye
To those
I can’t
Look
In the eye
I can’t say it
So I
Write you…

Goodbye



kc09

Seasonal Effects


winter seemed especially
cold this year

I think…I can’t remember

that’s one of the side effects
of an empty heart,
not being able to feel or see things as they are

I missed spring too…
oh, how I used to look forward to
the thaw. the honeysuckle,
the birds preparing their nest.
new life, new starts
the universe
keeps turning even when you feel
as though life has betrayed you.

and the simple truth is;

seasons slip
quietly passed
the lonely arms
of a lover
in wait.

night to day
day to night
the healing
hands of time
see no cause
for hurry.




kc09

Shadows (lyrics)


There’s a girl in West Virginia
Whose heart is doing time
She leads a lonely shadow
As she walks among the pines
And the moon sings sadly
While the wind, it whispers free
The one thing she can’t escape
Is her shadows company

Were all lonely shadows
Strung out on the line
Waving with the soft breeze
While our shadows
Dance in time
Lonely shadows
Lonely,
Lonely shadows
Just waiting to be freed

There’s one up in Seattle
And in Memphis Tennessee
One down in Alabama
Where the white sand meets the sea
And when the sun shines down upon them
The shadows come and go
Night fall finds’em lonely
So the followers call them home

And we’re all lonely shadows
Lo…oh…n…ly
Lonely shadows
Begging to be freed
Yeah it’s a lonely shadow
The one that’s cast from me
A lonely lonely shadow
Drifting out to sea

Sometimes when I daydream
I see her come to me
My eyes fill with her light
She does a shadow dance for me

I wanna hold her heart in my hands
And raise it towards the sun
Look over my shoulder and die there
As two shadows melt to one

Were all lonely shadows
Strung out on the line
Waving with the soft breeze
While our shadows
Dance in time
Lonely shadows
Lonely,
Lonely shadows
Just waiting to be freed





kc09

I Dream

in the quiet
divine serenity
of silence

i miss,
not a sound

i speak,
not a word

but, i dream

i dream
of you



kc09

The Girl Behind The Eyes

a pack of smokes…

that’s all I was after

until I was
mesmerized
by her eyes.
it was like looking into
a brochure
for the perfect vacation
but, these weren’t
dark
mysterious
exotic eyes

they were bright
and blue
the kind of blue
the sky could emulate
only on the rare
occasion.

the kind of blue
one would
imagine a baby
dreaming of

they were full
of life
yet, I wondered
how much they knew
of pain
I wondered
if they have ever
known “real” love
I marveled
at their youth
and was moved
by the realization
that being twice
her age
I am left to drive off
and daydream
of a time
when I might have
tried
to know her…


kc09