40 Funny Resume Mistakes http://www.chequed.com/blog/40-funny-resume-mistakes

We’ve all seen examples of some pretty bad resumes, ranging from typos to bad jokes. Here’s a list of the 40 (well, actually 42) funniest mistakes we found while browsing the web:

1.“Objective: To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”

2.“I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.”

3.“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

4.“Hobbies: Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

5.“Service for old man to check they are still alive or not”

6.“2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of elderly and vegetable people”

7.“I am interested to learn more. I am working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.”

8.“I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success”

9.“My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.”

10.“I have an excellent track record even though I am not a horse.”

11.“Favorite Activities: Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”

12.“Languages: Speak English and Spinach.”

13.“Skills: Strong work ethic, attention to detail, team player, self motivated, attention to detail

14.“Hobbies: Getting drunk every night down by the water, playing guitar and smoking pot”

15.“Why are you interested in this position? “To keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail”

16.“Related job skills: Can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”

17.“I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

18.“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

19.“Objective: I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.

20.“I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”

21.Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”

22.“I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.”

23.“I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

24.“Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.”

25.“I eat computers for lunch.”

26.“Previous experience: Self-employed — a fiasco.”

27.“Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word ‘paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately.”

28.“Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!”

29.“Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.”

30.“I’ll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.”

31.“Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However…”

32.“I worked here full-time there.”

33.“I’ll starve without a job but don’t feel you have to give me one.”

34.Candidate included a letter from his mother

35.Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using only words

36.Candidate formatted resume as a play, including Act 1, Act 2, etc.

37.Candidate included a naked picture of himself

38.The objective on one resume stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position… with a rival firm.

39.A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

40.Candidate included a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the resume. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.

41.Candidate explained an arrest by stating “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

39.A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com




damn,if i only knew the rest of that email addy

Hey, how did one of my job applications ...err... Never mind.