What NOT To Do - 7 Things to Ruin a First Date!
First dates can be a delicate event in the life of dating. It's essentially two people, who don't quite know each other well, get together to see how compatible they are. From a women's perspective, first dates are a way to analyze how well a man can handle himself – Is he shy and reserved? Is he overly confident and obnoxious? Is he calm and collected? Let's face it, the pressure is usually on the men so knowing what NOT to do on a first date is the key to getting to the second date.
Here are some obvious DON'Ts that I'm not going to include in the top 7 list because it's almost a given of what NOT to do on a first date. It's definitely worth mentioning just in case you've forgotten. ;-)
- Don't be late. Like I said, pretty obvious, right? Being late on a first date gives off the first wrong impression that your date wasn't worth being on time for. Practicing your “fashionably-late” charm is not going to work this time so be on time.
- Don't be a slob. Take the time in grooming yourself. Proper hygiene is one the biggest complaints from women on first dates with men. Take a shower, do your hair, shave, brush your teeth, and dress smart. I don't mean dressing nerd-smart, but I do mean dress to impress – not necessarily a tuxedo, but maybe some fashionable jeans, a nice button-up shirt, and a blazer. You want her to go Ooh-La-La over you, wear something nice on a first and she'll take notice. A woman likes a man who looks like he has control over his life.
- Don't lie. Or over embelish your talents. Don't say that you have a God-given talent of being a chef, when in reality you can only "cook" grilled cheese sadwiches. The truth will come out eventually and all the time you spent building up to a certain point will all just have been in vain.
Let’s get on to the less obvious DON’Ts of a first date.
- DON'T GET DRUNK.
There's a big difference between having a couple of cocktails and getting drunk. Limit yourself to having one or two cocktails during dinner. I'm a big proponent of breaking the nerves with a couple of drinks, but don’t over do it. Cocktails are a good way to help loosen up the tension of meeting a new person (for both you and your date) and miraculously it also help gets the conversion going. Too many drinks tend to bring the obnoxious out in everyone.
- DON'T ANSWER YOUR CELL PHONE.
Unless of an emergency of course. Talking or texting on your cell phone while on a date is a big NO-NO. Answering calls or texts while on a date doesn't make you look cool and popular, it makes you look rude and uninterested. If YOUR date is on the phone all the time, politely call him/her on it - your date will appreciate your confidence on that. If they continue to be on the phone after you've asked them nicely not to, then maybe that person just isn't the one for you... And that's part of the dating process because you'll have to go through some WRONG people before you meet the RIGHT person.
- DON'T TALK ABOUT YOURSELF TOO MUCH.
Don't brag about how much money you make or what kind of car you drive. Instead, ask questions and listen to your date. Try to create conversation based on the questions and answers she talks to you about. Keep the conversation simple and light-hearted. Try not having debates about religion and politics. Sometimes a mysterious man can be more attractive so don't give away your deep emotional secrets on a first date. The fastest way to a second date is not how much money you make; it's more about listening and giving your date the undivided attention he/she deserves.
- DON'T "GO HR" ON THEM.
What I mean by that is, this is a date, not a job interview. The opposite of talking about yourself too much is asking too many Human Resource questions about your date. Avoid asking too many personal questions and just let the conversation flow without too many technical details.
- DON'T BE CHEAP.
Call me old fashioned but I believe on the first date, a man should pay for dinner. It's gentlemanly and it'll show you're the kind of man that'll take care of her. For the ladies, men always appreciate if you offer to pay (eventhough he knows he's going to pay) - it's polite and makes it feel like you're not out to just get a free meal.
- DON'T-DON'T-DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.
This is probably the most important DON'T advice for a first date. There's no need to share details about your ex or your divorce during the first - there just isn't. If the subject does come up, briefly bring up the good things about your ex so that your character will show that you're not ill-fated towards them. There's a time and place when you'll have to talk about your ex, your first date isn't that time and place.
- DON'T PRESSURE THE KISS.
I think this is where most men fumble. To kiss or to kiss too much? Unless she's giving you very obvious signals, don't rush the kiss. If you make your move too early, she might get defensive and it'll ruin the atmosphere. So what's appropriate? A handshake, a hug, a kiss? Handshakes on a first date are so impersonal; the least that should happen at the end of a first date is a hug and a nice kiss on the cheek. The best that could happen, well… I'll leave that up to your imagination. ;-)
So now you know what NOT to do on a first date. It's quite simple: Give your date your undivided attention and make them feel comfortable.
Do you have any first date DON'Ts that you've experienced? Share and leave us a comment on this blog post.