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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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Picnics are fun and don't cost a lot. $20 in the gas tank and a country drive can be nice too. Or travel to a small town and walk around the downtown area. Raining or snowing weather... build a snowman, make cookies, movie and popcorn, or have a picnic in the living room with a bottle of sparkling juice and fondue. Great ideas River! It takes some creativity , doesn't it? Have you been on any inexpensive dates that you really enjoyed? Pretty much everything I listed, except building a snowman and baking cookies together :) I've been fishing out on the Reef in Florida for a date, that was fun. And strolling on the beach looking for seashells was a lot of fun too. Most of the dates I've been on were inexpensive, a lot of the things I enjoy don't really cost a lot of money. One I really enjoyed was a day trip where we visited the beach, then went into the mountains and visited waterfalls, and stopped at little towns along the way checking out all the cool stuff. It was with a friend, not really a romantic date but it meant a lot to me and I had a blast. It might have been more than $20 for gas though? Adding a little romance to that would be my ideal kind of date  I love long drives and the hiking and waterfalls are wonderful to me . Count me in River! |
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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The beach at sunset  perfect Ooooooh r2d2…. Me likeeeeeee. Done! 
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 01/03/19 03:08 PM
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Fiahing anywhere is always fun. Movies at home or walk along the lake or beach with a picnic. Hanging out by a fire just getting to know each other. And flea markets are always great. I've only gone fishing before with friends Queenie , but I'm open to doing it on a first date. Even bowling would be fun for me, although I only did it once before :) And if I like the guy enough I'm loving the idea of sitting by the fire together, but I live in the Caribbean, where it's hot all damn day lol. In what forum does one access a fire, except in someone's home or a campsite? |
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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I plan my Dates, which sre more than any 20.00 . However, I have activity partner that I been out with as friends to mall, park , cafe other events for cheap outings. Not dating. Do you think you would enjoy the mall or park setting for a date Toody? |
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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Not really so difficult. I don't understand why people think dating should always cost (a lot of) money. Going for a nice walk in nature -which allows for romantic moments if you gotten to that stage of course-, and a nice cup of coffee at a restaurant. You can even have a piece of apple pie or cheesecake. I think that would still leave you with some E7 in your pocket, so you can even have a second cappuccino. I actually love coffee dates Crystal. In fact, I would love if a guy asked me out on a breakfast date for a change ... Maybe some pancakes or something  When the chemistry is good and the conversation is easy, almost any venue can be fun!
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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Those are all good ones River! Go for a walk anywhere Stay home for a movie night Flea market I like the flea market idea JBH! Any inexpensive dates you've been on that you enjoyed? |
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 01/03/19 02:45 PM
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Picnics are fun and don't cost a lot. $20 in the gas tank and a country drive can be nice too. Or travel to a small town and walk around the downtown area. Raining or snowing weather... build a snowman, make cookies, movie and popcorn, or have a picnic in the living room with a bottle of sparkling juice and fondue. Great ideas River! It takes some creativity , doesn't it? Have you been on any inexpensive dates that you really enjoyed? |
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Topic:
Song to describe your 2018
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Hey . This is a great topic for the music board on the forum. Maybe they will move it .
 I will say " the greatest love of all " by Whitney Houston |
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Topic:
THE $20.00 DATE
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So the guy is easy on the eye, smells great , and the phone conversations are lovely!
Time for the first date... But what if he only had $20.00 1) What kind of a date can you take someone on that's charming, but requires no more than $20.00? 2)And what enjoyable dates have you had in your life that didn't cost alot? |
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Topic:
Distance does Matter.
Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 01/03/19 01:43 PM
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Ive had 3 or 4 friends who have made the successful cross-over from long distance relationship to marriage and co-habitation over 2 to 3 year spans, as their partners organized themselves for migration... And they are all very happy. For myself, I'm open to the idea, but the caveat is that I would only take the risk with someone I felt amazing chemistry and compatibility with over time. It's not lost on me how difficult that combo is to find . While there's very little chance of the long-distance relationship thing working out based on statistics, some individuals are simply worth the risk  |
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Topic:
Good morning from Sweden :)
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Happy New Year Roger!
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peaceful That's great Vish. Happy New Year to you ! |
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Topic:
CIA--Dealbreaker?
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I would laugh it off , thinking the CIA talk was some kinda weird role-play fetish
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Well this is easy lol
Her wisdom |
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You took a lot more chances last year than some people take in a lifetime River , and clearly the satisfaction you feel now was worth all the challenges implied. It's just a matter of time before that courage spills over into your dating life. I'm working on it too so you are not alone  Thank you... Here's to the both of us having more courage and it spilling over in that area of our lives Cheers!
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Firstly I think the people that are genuinely confident don't usually go around bragging about how confident they are  That sounds like someone who feels the need to prove something. It sounds more to me like cockiness when someone uses their inner sense of power to wield over others or intimidate them. I don't know how the life-long affluent people act in different parts of the world, but in my country they actually dress very understated and carry themselves in a very unassuming way , and that's because they know they have money and power and don't feel threatened by the status of others . Similarly, I think a truly confident person quietly embraces their own sense of power and assimilates with others rather than dominates them, because they are not driven by a need to prove their worth in the way that cocky people are. I don't know if I explained it well , but confidence should be differentiated from cockiness/azzhole-ism LOL.. Yep... Just like those guys who feel the need to keep saying how they are a "nice/ good" guy..or they keep sayingv they are a "gentlman".. My late husband used to say "Quality sells itself" (he did flooring..and that was kind of his motto) If you are TRULY a nice/ good guy...or a gentleman...it will be evident in your every day behaviour... You don't need to ~tell people~ you are...they'll readily see it. "Quality sells itself" Think I'm stealing that line bluegrass, but I will add that a bit of good marketing helps |
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the mindset that if I wake up and "like" myself , then everybody's "like" is extra, but not essential. Nice! From the day you were created there has been only one constant in your life. YOU When its all said and done 'everything' is your life according to you. The only "Like" that actually matters is your own. The rest is fluff. Self-esteem plays a large part in the first move and it can tell you a bit about how you look at life depending upon how and why your self-esteem may or may not take a hit from rejection. Most self-esteem issues are the result of some type of delusion. Commonly, putting someone on a 'pedestal' that they are better than you. Everybody Poops. Everybody Dies. Everybody Bleeds when cut. Everybody Sleeps. Some people have more money than you, they have different problems than you. Some people have better looks than you, they have different problems than you. If you don't have complete control of your self-esteem, why not? You are the only one that lives behind your eyes. It makes absolutely no sense not to like yourself, love yourself. There is only one expert on this planet on being me, ME. Well said Tom. I will always prefer if people approve of me.... will even feel bothered when they don't , but their approval should not be my goal. Gonna keep working on it , and happy new year to you Tom! |
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Great points and insight peggy. I know for me I've been guilty of being the lazy one, not out of arrogance or cockiness, it's more of a subconscious thing where I don't think to balance it out. I was conditioned to let the man make the first move so I tend to wait until he does. Once he does, I continue to let him make all the moves and that's not right or fair. While it boosts my ego and makes me feel wanted, it leaves him feeling like he's not appreciated and eventually he tires of having to make all the effort. That's something I will definitely work on in the future. It is challenging and requires taking the risk of being let down from time to time.... fear of rejection! I like to think I've grown past that but on some level it still effects me. I believe too that sometimes once the chase is complete and successful that some tend to stop dead in their tracks and get comfortable, thus not working at continuing to keep that spark alive. They are more into the thrill of the chase and stop once they've "captured, so to speak" the one they were interested in. Although that's an entirely different topic and more to do with sustaining the relationship once the relationship is developed. I've gotten better with being confident enough to initiate, but still struggle with the how much is okay and if he's the one who initiates, at what point to I join in on being the one who says "hey, let's go do something". I tend to freeze up and do nothing, maybe due to insecurities I'm still not aware of. I can see though where that would come across to men that I'm either not interested or that I don't appreciate their efforts... and that's not my intention at all. Once I'm comfortable and feel secure with that person that all changes, but it takes time which ends up failing before it begins because first impressions make or break whether a relationship or dating partner happens. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for commenting peggy  Those are very valid and relatable fears River This year I challenged myself to do something I never did in a romantic context. I asked a guy I was attracted to, out to a concert. I felt pretty sure I would be rejected as he never made a move on me in the 3 years I knew him as a friendly acquaintance , but I approached him nevertheless. He eventually ended up declining politely as I anticipated, but the rejection didn't feel too bad as my invitation was very casual and friendly.. nothing creepy or clingy, and when he declined, I stepped aside casually, with the resolve to never ask him out again , but with the peace of never having to bang myself over the head with all the "what ifs" that would have haunted me if I didn't at least try. I decided last year that my main motivation for doing anything in any area of my life would be to impress myself, regardless of what others thought and regardless of whether my outcome was desirable or not. I'm still kind to others, but their approval is not my main goal. So while I hated this guy's rejection, I was really impressed by my own courage to try , and to do it with what I hoped was dignity and class. We are clearly living in the Instagram era where our entire day revolves around getting "likes" from others , and I am deeply influenced by it, but I'm trying to develop the mindset that if I wake up and "like" myself , then everybody's "like" is extra, but not essential. And it's kinda like a job application. you re likely to get a lot more rejection letters than acceptance ones .. but then again .. Do we really need every agency to employ us? or just that special one ???  I love that peggy... "Impress myself"... much better than trying to impress others, which seldom works out as we'd like. I took a similar approach when I left my last seasonal job to come to New Hampshire. I signed up for 6 months and left after one month. What would people think, lol. But I turned it around and was impressed with myself for recognizing it wasn't for me and I really didn't want to be there. Looking over the last year, I am impressed with how many times I've climbed out of my comfort zone to start living rather than hiding in my room... a wonderful feeling. Now if I can do the same when it comes to initiating, that would be lovely :) And no... when it comes to a job, I wouldn't want every organization to employ me, so it makes sense to approach dating prospects the same way... Wait and appreciate that special one that comes along. Thanks peggy You took a lot more chances last year than some people take in a lifetime River , and clearly the satisfaction you feel now was worth all the challenges implied. It's just a matter of time before that courage spills over into your dating life. I'm working on it too so you are not alone
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 01/02/19 07:53 AM
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And can we all be honest in admitting that we are generally turned off by anyone, whether male or female if they are too aggressive in their pursuit? I'm mainly referring to the beginning stage where first impressions are so critical in determining whether you agree to date them or not. Most men and women are attracted to CONFIDENCE , and many of the men or women who "doggedly" pursue an individual in the beginning , end up coming accross as stalkerish , desperate or insecure which is a scent that appeals to no one. THIS guy claimed in his profile jhe was a "confidient, self-assured" guy...which was why *I* didn't mesasage him..because, in MY expereince (not *yours*, MINE)...every guy that has mentioned his "confidence" and self-assuredness and knows how to be aleader, etc.....every one has been an unmitigated overbearing ***.. Back in November I had the displeasure of being messaged by such a guy... We had a few things in common, and I thoughtm, well, maybe on the off chance this guy is different, I'll give it a go... After chatting online for a couple days, we went to phone.. In the first 30 minutes of conversation, you TOLD ME I needed to get a cell phone..I asked why.. He said so you could keep in touch with me.. Why exactly? Was he going to call numerous times a day to "check" on me? What exactly is the reason he needs me to have a phone so you can "keep in touch with me"?? I don't have one currently (don't feel I need one), and dang sure not paying for one, I told him.. He said *he'd* pay for it.. There were other problematic thing said, and I was nice but mentally thought "nope".. I didn't write him on the site..and as he didn't have *my* number (thank GOD)...he couldn't call me.. Then he wrties me with the insinuation that I *must* be talking to other guys because I am not talking to you..(he saw me logged in on the site).. That means he was on there too...and, if he isn't talking to other women (which i don't care about)...then only other reason would be to *check on me*.. I live alone, and no one else has access to the computer..so I never log out...no reason to.. So, when I tell guys I don't like pushy, donmineering, over-confident "alpha" dudes...I'm speaking from expereince.. Known more than a few (my ex in the 80's was one)...know it's not fore me. Don't crowd or push a woman.. Don't ~tell her~ what she needs to do...because you are the man and need to make like "the leader". Some women may like that, but..as far as I know, most don't.. There are ways to pursue someone without all that crap...I know, I had a few *good* guys pursue me, and it was great..  I understand and fully relate to your point bluegrass , and I have also met the kind of persons you are referring to ,but maybe we have a different definition of confident. Firstly I think the people that are genuinely confident don't usually go around bragging about how confident they are That sounds like someone who feels the need to prove something. It sounds more to me like cockiness when someone uses their inner sense of power to wield over others or intimidate them. I don't know how the life-long affluent people act in different parts of the world, but in my country (in informal settings) they actually dress very understated and carry themselves in a very unassuming way , and that's because they know they have money and power and don't feel threatened by the status of others . Similarly, I think a truly confident person quietly embraces their own sense of power and assimilates with others rather than dominates them, because they are not driven by a need to prove their worth or be validated in the way that cocky people are. I don't know if I explained it well , but confidence should be differentiated from cockiness/azzhole-ism |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 01/02/19 07:15 AM
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Great points and insight peggy. I know for me I've been guilty of being the lazy one, not out of arrogance or cockiness, it's more of a subconscious thing where I don't think to balance it out. I was conditioned to let the man make the first move so I tend to wait until he does. Once he does, I continue to let him make all the moves and that's not right or fair. While it boosts my ego and makes me feel wanted, it leaves him feeling like he's not appreciated and eventually he tires of having to make all the effort. That's something I will definitely work on in the future. It is challenging and requires taking the risk of being let down from time to time.... fear of rejection! I like to think I've grown past that but on some level it still effects me. I believe too that sometimes once the chase is complete and successful that some tend to stop dead in their tracks and get comfortable, thus not working at continuing to keep that spark alive. They are more into the thrill of the chase and stop once they've "captured, so to speak" the one they were interested in. Although that's an entirely different topic and more to do with sustaining the relationship once the relationship is developed. I've gotten better with being confident enough to initiate, but still struggle with the how much is okay and if he's the one who initiates, at what point to I join in on being the one who says "hey, let's go do something". I tend to freeze up and do nothing, maybe due to insecurities I'm still not aware of. I can see though where that would come across to men that I'm either not interested or that I don't appreciate their efforts... and that's not my intention at all. Once I'm comfortable and feel secure with that person that all changes, but it takes time which ends up failing before it begins because first impressions make or break whether a relationship or dating partner happens. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for commenting peggy Those are very valid and relatable fears River This year I challenged myself to do something I never did in a romantic context. I asked a guy I was attracted to, out to a concert. I felt pretty sure I would be rejected as he never made a move on me in the 3 years I knew him as a friendly acquaintance , but I approached him nevertheless. He eventually ended up declining politely as I anticipated, but the rejection didn't feel too bad as my invitation was very casual and friendly.. nothing creepy or clingy, and when he declined, I stepped aside casually, with the resolve to never ask him out again , but with the peace of never having to bang myself over the head with all the "what ifs" that would have haunted me if I didn't at least try. I decided last year that my main motivation for doing anything in any area of my life would be to impress myself, regardless of what others thought and regardless of whether my outcome was desirable or not. I'm still kind to others, but their approval is not my main goal. So while I hated this guy's rejection, I was really impressed by my own courage to try , and to do it with what I hoped was dignity and class. We are clearly living in the Instagram era where our entire day revolves around getting "likes" from others , and I am deeply influenced by it, but I'm trying to develop the mindset that if I wake up and "like" myself , then everybody's "like" is extra, but not essential. And it's kinda like a job application. you re likely to get a lot more rejection letters than acceptance ones .. but then again .. Do we really need every agency to employ us? or just that special one ??? |
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