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Topic:
~ 'night, Mother ~ (rev)
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Soft hisses of machines in the night mingling with labored breaths scented in medicinal fumes wafting under my nose Appalled by the cruelty of life slowly dissipating before me as echoes of goodbye close in on me I watch grayed skin heavy with disease once bright red-rimmed eyes dimmed as her once girlish hopes and dreams fade along with her life Knowing her end is near riddled with fear my sorrows trickle onto a beloved face death holds no grace I lean down kissing cracked dried lips my broken whispers pressed against a deaf ear 'night Mother~ nov 2008 rev may 2009 |
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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I like the energy created by your repetition of "It's the first night", leading one to the unexpected destination of "its the first night alone without you". THAT is how momentum is achieved, folks! Thank you Madame~  AngelFace, good morning my lamb~ Hello Lovely Txy, I appreciate it darlin~
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Topic:
Broadband Love (rev)
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Very nice! You've got talent  Thank you. |
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Topic:
Broadband Love (rev)
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 thatt is very nice do you have more some where else on line Yes I do. On several writing sites. |
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Topic:
Broadband Love (rev)
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Mesmerized Polarized I sit anxiously staring At my laptop screen Meticulously polished And glaring In preparation For the pop up Instantly messaging The arrival of my Digital love~ Oh how I yearn to see him~ With my little heart pattering He types his sweet flattering Across broadband lines which Flicker and define this Hard driven romance We’ve slowly developed When the airwaves free flow and the traffic is light I run to my computer Hear it boot up See that bright light and Instantaneously I'm Juliet to his Romeo Roxanne to his Cyrano Bonnie … …to his Clyde With the click of a key I'm his sultry eyed Princess and He's anything and anyone I want him to be My dark savior My redeemer My high resolution Prince Charming~ I say good riddance to the Lost art of archaic snail mailing so Painfully slow and consistently Failing to deliver with clarity The sweetly worded sincerity and http://loveofmylongdistanceman awh@nov 2007 rev june 2009 |
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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Very nice MsWiz Hello Sunshine, how have you been handsome?
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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powerful revision Alicia Thank you Sweetheart~I'm tightening my pages here
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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((( Ms Wiz ))))) Deeply missing you,,,, I miss you too darling
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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 Lovely!! Thank you LilyPetal, I appreciate it~ Thank you as well Mekikis~I'm glad you enjoyed this~
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Topic:
first night (rev)
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eyes closed
hot quiet tears sliding gliding down a face wracked in pain teeth clenched tightly dont leave me again solitary whispers silent cries in the dark forever’s first and only respite knowing with shattering certainty it’s the first night blood rush roar loud in ears gasping breath panting in fear echoes loudly resounding a broken heart pounding with a knee jerk rush of realization it’s the first night its the first night alone without you awh@2007 |
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Topic:
I Love..... Me
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Upon the shadows, Love is alive Shadowed scars came alive Leaving beauty upon the eye Beholder of hope Sets one free I love myself This I’ve come to engage Loudly speaking, silence erased Upon the shadow, light appears Beholder of hope Sets me free Moonlight simplicity Fills my thoughts Open skies, speak my words Hope filled moments Casting no doubt Beholder of hope Set me free I love, the me, I’ve come to be Scars of shadows set me free Gracing upon my spirit… Life Embracing my flight Beholder of hope Set me free I love The shadows The shadows in me Then we have much in common. I love you too!
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Topic:
her PC broke
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Sure it did Her PC broke all she said complaining explainging to me how she plays with her pc and how hot it is because she just touched it and how she thinks it is broke only I know it is not because she has kids to prove it someone screwed it and she says her pc is broke and wants me to take a look at it only i don't fix what takes 8 years of college not with this kind of knowledge I don't have the patience to sit in on a class summoned on someone elses wit accomadating what I have I will not sit still havent before why start now when She was screwed she tied her tubes insists on my glue for her pc that is hard to believe propped tween her and her laptop I sit unstill fiddling with her pc until it spills data Dc, generally I myself prefer this style of words pouring down a page like a waterfall, but in this case, I dont think that works as well for this piece. It's too broken and I think it is losing some of the impact. Have you tried structuring this in longer sentences and stanzas? Outside of that, the concept is way cool. And you know I love your work~
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Topic:
her PC broke
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Sure it did Her PC broke all she said complaining explainging to me how she plays with her pc and how hot it is because she just touched it and how she thinks it is broke only I know it is not because she has kids to prove it someone screwed it and she says her pc is broke and wants me to take a look at it only i don't fix what takes 8 years of college not with this kind of knowledge I don't have the patience to sit in on a class summoned on someone elses wit accomadating what I have I will not sit still havent before why start now when She was screwed she tied her tubes insists on my glue for her pc that is hard to believe propped tween her and her laptop I sit unstill fiddling with her pc until it spills data Dc, generally I myself prefer this style of words pouring down a page like a waterfall, but in this case, I dont think that works as well for this piece. It's too broken and I think it is losing some of the impact. Have you tried structuring this in longer sentences and stanzas? Outside of that, the concept is way cool. And you know I love your work~
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Topic:
Flame Thrower (final rev)
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Exceptionally amazing, I give it three gold stars and an A+++ very enjoyable read. Hey darlin' how are ya? Thank you, this is the final revision I think~Im cleaning up the rest to get them all ready to go! What's shakin?
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Topic:
I've become a quiet man
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Forgive me for saying so, but it sounds like the quiet man was rather a poor judge of character.
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it sounds (JUST A LITTLE) like your trying to hard) make it descriptive enough, but leave a cliff hanger to hook the readers yeah, my 1st draft of going to be a bit over done, but once it goes to the editor its going to get cleaned up a bit. thanks though guys! you're all giving me good hopes for this book!!  If you're self publishing, there's not going to be an editor unless you're buying a package from some place like Wheatmark or iUniverse. You'll need to clean this up yourself, which is a good discipline. |
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Topic:
Flame Thrower (final rev)
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Thanks K~Im working on some final revisions so thought I'd throw them out here~how are you sweet man?
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Topic:
Flame Thrower (final rev)
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Like an enraged lioness
Striped of her pride I licked the wounds You inflicted Beating me down With apathy Detached and Smug complacency Struggling All the while To make you see How emotional Atrophy was Destroying Anything we had Anything ...we might ......have held onto… Trying to work Through a mire of miscommunication Your cold reservation Of thoughts never Honestly shared Or expressed and Failing … …miserably… There was just no winning this battle … Your lack of Care and feeling Left me reeling Unable to Understand or Comprehend Your cold decision To remain in your Self-enforced Solitary confinement Locking me out Swallowing the key Contented to be Locked down Deliberately Distanced from Emotional Interaction Sparking a Violent reaction… And without Hesitation I Unleashed Devastation Finding myself a Veritable Verbal Commando packing Heavy duty ammo Loaded with Steel jacketed Hollow pointed words Guaranteed to Annihilate on site A man with no Defense against A bloodied woman Armed and … … Dangerous… Lashing out with Little thought I Took my best shot Firing Over and over My verbal Flame thrower Smoking you For every Careless Hurtful Unthinking Remark you’d Thrown my way Only to come up Against your wall Of passive resistance Time and time again An indomitable force Indignantly Self-righteously Absorbing the flames Of my firepower Leaving us both Burnt out No peace made No treaty No amnesty Nothing left But two war torn Countries unable To come to terms … Well, perhaps You deserved Every burn you got But then again Perhaps you did not Maybe I set the Fire too hot Burning Us both up With my good Intentions Perhaps you never truly Wanted to engage In the first place Preferring a Hit and run skirmish I suppose it No longer Really matters The war’s been Fought and lost Leaving feelings Shattered Bloody bodies Strewn and Scattered Across the Killing fields Victims... ... of Emotional … .......… Warfare … Mar 2009 |
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go to www.youtube.com and at the bottom type in elvis & celine . they have a great video that was apparently made a couple of years ago for an american idol show. I love it, watched it over and over. if you are or were ever an Elvis fan, you'll probably like it.     Elvis is god. |
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Topic:
amerika idolizes
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kc...words of wisdom as always darling
pdk, how are you beautiful???
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