I would give my ferret "Sissy" a bath every Saturday! Washed her and let her swim in the tub for a bit to rinse off somewhat and then rinsed her with fresh clean water! My house did not smell!

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”

I WILL

I will always love you,
forever and a day.
I will always be true to you,
in each and every way.
I will always cherish your love
and hold it in my heart.
We will always be together
until death do us part.

LMAO, I love it!

Cute

What happened to all the pictures on this site?

Did you make these up?

very good! Just about to the point!

Very funny!

i'm betting the tattoo really hurtpretty bad.

Iam 53 and I received a sex position calendar from my son-in-law for Christmas.LOL! It's cute as heck. I love it. Good conservation starter!!!

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph..'

Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers,
clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' < BR>
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
' Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Ralph.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

'Ralph! Wake up. You **** the bed!'

Too funny!

Didn't know there were 3 Duffy.

Whew! Just made it!

Glad you liked them. I almost p'd my pants.

Good Night Gracie

Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef

1 large Roast of beef
1 small Roast of beef
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.
When the little one burns, the big one is done.

Sure hope this wasn't on here already!


I can imagine the look on the teacher's face as she reads these entries!!!


Children write about the sea:


1) This is a picture of an octopus... It has eight testicles. (Kelly age
6)


2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)


3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)


4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)


5) A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)


6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)


7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)


8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen age 6)


9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy age 6)


10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)


11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)


12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.
Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)



13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Jule age 7)



Start each day with a smile.... then pass it on!!!