Reasons to NOT make a list of qualifications for "Miss or Mister Right"



Are you one of those folks looking to connect with "Miss Right" or "Mister Right" ??

Do you tend to make a list of what you THINK is the right person for you? (i.e., blue eyes, petite, red hair, etc. etc. etc)

Then rip up the list and forget it... it doesn't work that way.

Let's say (as a guesstimate) there are like 100 million men and 100 million women in this country alone. On the planet total let's say for a guesstimate that there might be (out of a total world population of 6 billion people) let's say 2 billion of each sex.

OK...

So every time to make a list you start LIMITING your chances of actually meeting someone who is compatible.

Let's say I were to just add the above three qualities to my list, and I search for a gal that has blue eyes, is petite or of a small frame (5'2", etc.) and has red hair.

So, how many millions of women do NOT have those qualities? That is how many possibilities I have just deleted from my probability of matching up with someone. Even in a room full of 100 women, my chances of meeting someone have now diminished greatly.

So don't make lists!!!

Instead, do this... MAKE FRIENDS!!!!!

Be open and honest with every person you meet (which, I know is nearly completely impossible for some BS-ers)... and start out making friends with anyone and everyone. A great relationship will be based on an equally great friendship anyways......

Find something besides sex appeal to be attractive, because let me tell you, honey, by the time we hit 80 we ain't gonna be too sexy... we'll all be sagging, wrinkled and aged. (Howbeit we can choose to age like fine wine... but that's for another thread)

Weight can be worked off if that is a big deal... and I think there are a lot of shallow people who look at the outside package and refuse to look within. Both sexes pull this crap... I understand there having to be chemistry... but what do you really want? A bed partner or a life partner... preferably both... but if you are just looking to throw down between the sheets, and you pass by some lovely men and women of a larger size... than you are MISSING a majority of folks who live in the U.S. Because quite frankly, I believe in-shape, buff people are in the minority. Chunky folks rule the majority, and that's just how it is...

So, if this is one on your list, you have just limited your ability to find someone that is compatible.

I would prefer to see if I can make someone laugh. I have always felt like if I can make someone laugh, then I have found a way into their heart. But that's just me. Its not on any list, its just one of the things that guides me toward a compatible person in friendships with guys and girls. If my male friends can't understand my humor, most likely they aren't going to understand other key parts of me, and won't make very good friends. Same goes for me making a lifetime partner.

So.....

My "relationship advice" to folks on here sincerely seeking to find a match?? >>> DON'T MAKE A LIST!

Open your mind to any and all possibilities, and you might (just then) find a match that blows you away.

This has recently worked for me, and I thought I would share the "secret" with you folks out here in Mingle-land.



TM

This makes the assumption that people's idea of compatibility is based on physical characteristics. Which pretty much everyone knows is silly. Eye color or hair color is NOT a basis of compatibility and we know this.

Similar interests is much more important, shared values is much more important, and these things are as important to friendships as they are to romantic relationships.

I have pets. So a person who dislikes animals is not going to be all that compatible in the long run. Not as important in friendships, but more important in romantic relationships.

Religion is important if you or you may have a devout Christian getting close to a Wiccan and everything is all sweetness and light until Halloween and then they realize they have some serious philosophical differences.

So having some sort of list is not a bad thing.

so true...whether on a date or online i tell the gentleman (and most of them are)...make me laugh and i'm yours...lol...maybe they pretend not to be funny so i'll go away...

The things you mention are commonalities discovered by friendly conversation. Friendship is still the key. Honest communication is also one of the keys. A lot of attractions start out with people flirting with each other, and tend to remain quite shallow until several days, even weeks into the new found inter mingling of conversations.

I am not making the assumption of just physical characteristics, I used those as an example. I mean making a list of anything, including being a Wiccan, being a pet lover, etc... who know who you might convert? I once thought I hated country music until I met a friend who enjoyed it, and now I can appreciate SOME country music... that kind of thing...

Topics about politics, religion, beliefs, etc can be matters of friendly conversation. These are the types of matters that make for a deeper relationship. They are also what make us into friends between the sexes, and amongst the sexes. Any guy friend I might have would have to share common beliefs about politics, religion and the like. But it doesn't mean I don't have friends of all types. It just means the better friends are the ones I have more things in common with.

I don't go around in life with a list of attributes for my male friends, why should I do that when I apply it to women?

I've been in relationships with men who would be considered physically unattractive, but so mentally stimulating and made me laugh that things worked out, for a while. Usually, the things that killed the relationships were not based in looks either.

Instead, they were usually ex's. The guy who was still attached to his ex's apron strings. The guy who was still to attached to his former girlfriend who died in a car crash and really should have waited longer before he started dating again. Things like that.

Exactly... folks who are not "over" their last relationship are not much good to become close to in a new relationship. You determine these things by forming friendships first, discussing life in general. Having conversations, etc...

Unfortunately, I have indeed had to council some of my younger friends away from the physicalaties that they were hung up on. (Don't think that physical bia/preference don't happen...it does) I have dealt with it frequently in my life...."I Love Guys with Long hair"...yeah, right...

I don't have any interest in a woman who wants me for me physically...(I know I sound egotistical, but I am being honest)

I want the woman to love me for me. It shouldn't matter if I was a hunchbacked, peg-legged dwarf with a lazy eye or if I look like what I look like. Had too damned many women unwilling to see past the physical.

Speaking from my own perspective, I have earned the right to be choosy. I have spent more years of life single than with someone, so it's not like I don't know how to be alone.

There was a time that I thought I had found Ms. Right....

but she neglected to tell me her first name was Always.