Yes, as there'll be some point where that someone will wanna change me for some reason. It's an inevitability when it comes to relationships- something and someone will be changed, and it'll be YOU.

that very sweet of you to say thank you

Hey I don't wear diapers anymore not need to change me I wear panties now Ima big girl

Yes, because people make it hard. We all have said at time that i would let the person be who they are who ever were with, but it's humon nature to do things that might seem to others as trying to change them and we may not even see it. It's learning how to work out them things as time goes on. Not saying that i have, but i have plenty room to grow.

I think the bigger question is do you actually let that person really KNOW who you are.

Trusting and loving them enough to do that, to really know you, THAT is what is hard...

But so worth the risk!

Apparently!

yes

plain & simple? YES!!!!!!!!

...and the sad part is that I've recently decided I'd actually LIKE to have someone love me for who I am... unfortunately, that seems like a pipe dream!

Maybe ... maybe not

Hard? No. Impossible? Certainly.

At least I haven't found anyone who comes close yet.

Gotta agree with you on this one Lex, unless they are
scammers. I am having lots of luck with them.

I will never measure up to what "they" are looking for, and at this point in my life, I am not too sure I care much anymore. Damn, guess I am getting cynical in my old age, sorry.

Cynicism: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

OK, here's my problem: people are always telling me how I have all these great qualities, blah blah blah, but every time I meet someone who seems decent (at first), they suddenly want to CHANGE everything about me.

Why would they want to change someone who (so they claim) they love everything about?

Makes no sense.

Yep!

Agreed! I don't think ANYONE loves EVERYTHING about ANYONE...the trick is to find someone who accepts you the way you are and loves enough about you to not want to change you.

Yeah, I know...I live in a 'rainbow bubble' according to my daughter!

Lex, I had this exact conversation with someone today. I echoed your same thoughts!

It doesn't make sense to 'love' someone but want them to change. If they do, they are no longer the person you supposedly 'love'.

WTF??

maybe it could be cause they can't follow intellect and need to bring you to their level or they are just a molder with a dream

I don't know about the loving me for who I am, I have always been guilty of taking on a man as a project and trying to "fix" him.

So I needed to do alot of work on myself as you can see.

I hope to find that one day.

I don't get it, either.

I've always been the good listener, the counselor, the advisor, the therapist. People need that, they need someone to talk to. I got used to it. My relationships have tended to be one-sided because of that, to varying degrees, but I was OK with it because, frankly, I've had relatively few major problems in my life, and most of those aren't something a partner could do much about anyway.

So I don't mind helping someone deal with problems, with issues.

Once things get "stabilized" in their lives, though, that's when they suddenly think their sacred mission in life is to CHANGE me.

Why?

I don't need to be anybody else. I CAN'T be anybody else.

I could see that, but they always CLAIM that the intellect is one of the reasons they were attracted to me in the first place.

Which is fine; but why be attracted to it and then want to tear it down?

I mean, a relationship doesn't need to be an egalitarian arrangement in every single respect. One person can be smarter, one can be taller, one can make more money, one can cook better, one can explain the mating cycle of the rhinoceros better. Does any of it matter?

I see this all the time on dating sites: "I want a guy who is intelligent and has a good sense of humor." But when that guy shows up, they run screaming the other way.

Maybe intellect is a deterrent to a good relationship....?? I don't know. All I know is everyone claims to be looking for it, but the reality is they either run from it or try to sabotage it.