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| Topic: Keep trying? or move on? | |
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dang right it is degrading to her and her feelings.... there is nothing more degrading than someone trying to slide on in during a rough time and having to degrade someone they loved in the past to make them self sound better as you have done you compared her ex to you in ways.. and while doing it degraded him and his ways by name calling.. that is just plain hurtful to her cause she loved him.. Name calling? When and where? Oh yeah, the P.O.S. thing. He completely took advantage of her, manipulated her to get his way, constantly lied to her, cheated on her with multiple women, used her for her money, used her for a place to stay, stole money and jewelry from her to support his drug habit, beat her,... Is this not a man you'd call a P.O.S.? I am not trying to "slide on in" anything. I was just trying to be a good friend and be there for her, offer her some words of comfort, give her a shoulder to cry on. She took it to the flirting level. I never responded to the flirting until she showed very much apparent progress in getting over him. Next time a lady friend goes through a rough breakup, perhaps I should just tell her, "Tough sh!t, get over it"? "Sorry, not my problem"? |
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dang right it is degrading to her and her feelings.... there is nothing more degrading than someone trying to slide on in during a rough time and having to degrade someone they loved in the past to make them self sound better as you have done you compared her ex to you in ways.. and while doing it degraded him and his ways by name calling.. that is just plain hurtful to her cause she loved him.. Name calling? When and where? Oh yeah, the P.O.S. thing. He completely took advantage of her, manipulated her to get his way, constantly lied to her, cheated on her with multiple women, used her for her money, used her for a place to stay, stole money and jewelry from her to support his drug habit, beat her,... Is this not a man you'd call a P.O.S.? I am not trying to "slide on in" anything. I was just trying to be a good friend and be there for her, offer her some words of comfort, give her a shoulder to cry on. She took it to the flirting level. I never responded to the flirting until she showed very much apparent progress in getting over him. Next time a lady friend goes through a rough breakup, perhaps I should just tell her, "Tough sh!t, get over it"? "Sorry, not my problem"? Well I HAVE to say: 1) he manipulated her? What are you trying to do by trying to get her over him and to go out with YOU?? Sorry that's manipilation plain and simple... 2) you stated "you" were the better man for her.. NONE of my male friends would ever say that b/c REAL friends do not try to get with you when you're down, they try to help you feel better and get through your heartbreak... So now every female friend should be told 'tough sh*t' b/c you didn't get the one you wanted.. Or do you want all your female friends? All lot of contradiction going on... I never 'tried' to get her to go out with me. I simply told her I know where she could find love and care and stuff she was looking for. I left the decision completely up to her. I never said I was a better man for anything. I told her that there were plenty of better men out there for her to choose from. And yes, I AM a better man than the other guy, all the way around. But if she's looking for manipulation and degradation and dishonesty, there are plenty of other guys for her to choose from that would be better because i simply will not provide that. |
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I must have misunderstood... back to my tomatoes....
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I was soooooo trying not to reply because there are a lot of posts here with the answer you are searching for and I did not want to be repetitive.
You are a great person for what you are trying to "be" for her. If she is not in a place to move on and get passed this other guy, NOTHING you will say will make her see it. It may take 3 months it may take her 3 years. No matter how much you like her and want "something" with her it will not happen if she doesn't want it. Clearly she is not wanting it. I am sure she is a great person and you see that in her and again, that is wonderful that you see it. I would back off and not talk anymore about him to her. IF she needs your input, shoulder to cry on, strength....let her be the one to come to you. I know it's going to be hard because you seem like a man of strong convictions, but really IMO you need to lay low for now or maybe forever. Only time will tell on that one. This was not said in a mean or "bad" way. I hear in your posts that you really want this person to be happy. Hope this helps 
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dang right it is degrading to her and her feelings.... there is nothing more degrading than someone trying to slide on in during a rough time and having to degrade someone they loved in the past to make them self sound better as you have done you compared her ex to you in ways.. and while doing it degraded him and his ways by name calling.. that is just plain hurtful to her cause she loved him.. Name calling? When and where? Oh yeah, the P.O.S. thing. He completely took advantage of her, manipulated her to get his way, constantly lied to her, cheated on her with multiple women, used her for her money, used her for a place to stay, stole money and jewelry from her to support his drug habit, beat her,... Is this not a man you'd call a P.O.S.? I am not trying to "slide on in" anything. I was just trying to be a good friend and be there for her, offer her some words of comfort, give her a shoulder to cry on. She took it to the flirting level. I never responded to the flirting until she showed very much apparent progress in getting over him. Next time a lady friend goes through a rough breakup, perhaps I should just tell her, "Tough sh!t, get over it"? "Sorry, not my problem"? The guy is already out of her life, but she seems to want him back in it. Keeping him out of her life and thoughts is the second step towards her recovery. That's why I put him into consideration, but I don't focus on it. I am most definitely concerned with her feelings more than anything here. I have done the whole "you don't deserve that; you can move on" schpeel. Telling her how she can (NOT SHOULD) move on is the whole basis of my "therapy" (for lack of a better word). |
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So I'm wondering should I abandon all the flirting and talking we've done these past few weeks and move on? Or should I keep trying to score this woman I really do like? Would it be worth my while? Or would it be a waste of my time and possibly be getting myself into nothing but a troubled relationship? Should I let her know I haven't given up the idea that I can make her forget about this other guy? Or should I let her deal with it herself? you don't seem to like the answers you're getting |
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Shine it on, duder. Life's too short to deal with wishy-washy's.
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So I'm wondering should I abandon all the flirting and talking we've done these past few weeks and move on? Or should I keep trying to score this woman I really do like? Would it be worth my while? Or would it be a waste of my time and possibly be getting myself into nothing but a troubled relationship? Should I let her know I haven't given up the idea that I can make her forget about this other guy? Or should I let her deal with it herself? you don't seem to like the answers you're getting No I don't particularly care for them, but I am listening. I have made the decision to lay low and let her get herself through this because it is clear that I can't help. Now I just feel I am being attacked and labeled an "a$$hole," or whatever else people want to call me, for agreeing to start a relationship with this woman, however short it was. So I asked you guys if I should lay low and let her be. That's what I wanted to know. Am I an a$$hole for wanting to continue to talk to her even if it is just as friends? Even if I make that clear to her. Why does me wanting to continue to talk to her make me a "stalker"? |
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it's a fine line between seducing and stalking
generally no can be construed as meaning no |
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Edited by
buttons
on
Sun 04/26/09 05:22 PM
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well i wasnt attacking ya... i just dissagree with some of your tactics.... doesnt mean im attacking ya.. does it mean that you are attacking your friend cause you dissagree with her thoughts?...
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okay, i read all thru this and here's my take ~
i don't think you come across like an a**, more someone who cares about someone else, only probably more than you should. people often look for validation from others when a relationship ends, but when push comes to shove they aren't really interested in taking the "new" relationship further, they are just testing the waters to see if they are still desirable. why ruin what sounds like the good thing you two already have and especially under the duress of unresolved feelings (on her part). i say chill. you also need to know that there are good women out there who are not rebounding, the last thing you probably want to be is "the other guy" out of convenience, perhaps your "advice" to her applies to you as well. good luck with all this. |
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Edited by
EZ4Sheezy
on
Sun 04/26/09 05:37 PM
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it's a fine line between seducing and stalking generally no can be construed as meaning no My GOD!!! When did seduction come into play? That's just stupid. And yes, it is a very wide and clear line, usuallu defined by a curb, a yard, and a wall with a bedroom window. So is stalking. She never said "no" to anything. She said "I can't" Nowhere did she say she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I am wondering for myself, whether I should be talking to her or not, whether or not she is worth my time. I'm the one who said I give up. I have not stalked her, contacted her, or even tried. We HAVE FREAKIN MET, in case anybody else wants to bring that up again. We've been close friends for years... ...ah, screw it. |
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Edited by
EZ4Sheezy
on
Mon 04/27/09 07:37 PM
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Well, my psychiatric doctor (a guy who IS QUALIFIED to give advice; it says in the rules you guys aren't, not that that makes your advice and opinions useless to me)says that I should try and talk to her. I should just tell her that I feel like an ass for what has happened and that I should make it clear that I don't want to lose her as a friend, since she has been a dear friend for a few years now. And that I am fine with being friends for now, not to take it any further than that unless she says otherwise on her own, with no influence from me (yeah I get what no influence from me means). And even then to be very cautious going beyond a friendship if SHE decides she wants more. And to stay out of the way of trying to get her through this, to let her do it on her own at her own pace.
What's your take on this? Oh yeah, and for you guys that tell me to move on, I gotcha. I am not waiting around for anything. If something else comes up, her loss, not mine. |
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