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Topic: Can I live with an Ex and still be friends?
KylePhxAz's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:43 PM
Im going to try to make this as short as possible but to get advice I need, the people need to know the situation.

Girl moves 2,400 miles from home to live me and start school and her life. My intentions for seven months prior to her moving was "I want her to be with me". (first mistake)? So She moves and 3 weeks in we talked and talked and talked. I finally made the move by telling her "I Like you".(not exact words). But she accepted the fact that i do. She then tells me things no girl has ever told me like, "I LOVE YOU"."Your everything in a man I've ever wanted". Etc.Just good things.

The biggest thing we agreed upon was moving slow because we have to much to risk as far as already living together, and really just knowing that were doing this whole thing a$$ backwards.

I then went out of town for 9days for work and those nine days were great cause we missed eachother so much. Haveing 5 hour conversations everynight. Great things were said and we were so suprised that we did not run out of things to talk about.

Nine days pass and I get home, had the best 3 nights of my life. I wanted to leave this out but its vital to the situation for me. She was my first girl and first relationship.

After the 3rd night I realized its different now. Shes acting strange around me and finally she says,"we have to slow down, this Is'nt how we should do this". I agreed considering shes my queen now. I completely fell for her and I knew that I would.

But we didnt slow down,She completley shut me out and latched on to my other roommate. It's not that there together she just does'nt talk to me as much but him more,txting him for questions where she would always come to me for them but not now and it hurts. I want to be her sercurity but....?Im lost at what shes doing. Its so hard to talk to her now cause anytime I bring up a problem or feeling im haveing. I'm the only that see's it. WTF?

I feel completley used for a sense of security and im not sure how to handle it.Im commited to a year lease with the both of them. Can i Make this work or no? The akwardness is almost unbearable! How can i Move on? Can the friendship still be the same? Might I add I was decent friends with her for 4 years before this.

I NEED SOME HELP,ADVICE,I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT BUT HOW?

yellowrose10's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:47 PM
in that situation...I don't see how you can live together. now if you broke up and were friends...then it's possible...but I suspect there would be problems if one of you starts dating others. sounds like ya'll weren't ready to move in together and you need to go separate ways

no photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:53 PM
No. There'll be too much in the way of weirdness between you and said ex. You'll only be asking for trouble.

KylePhxAz's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:55 PM

in that situation...I don't see how you can live together. now if you broke up and were friends...then it's possible...but I suspect there would be problems if one of you starts dating others. sounds like ya'll weren't ready to move in together and you need to go separate ways

Well I agree that we were not ready but I have to some how make this work. Shes great I just have a problem letting it go only because I have never been put up to this challenge. I'm Told to get over her but,I dont want to get over her I feel like i have to wait till she gets her life together out here but then if she never comes back.... Ive waited for nothing...Then im told to find someone new but i feel she will hold it against me even though she says she wont. WHY?WHY?WHY? lol.

tngxl65's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:56 PM
I doubt you can make this work, but if you can handle the tension for now, just start seeing other women and not seeking her attention. She may react to that and she may not.

beauty314's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:57 PM
I'm so sorry.....brokenheart

yellowrose10's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:58 PM


in that situation...I don't see how you can live together. now if you broke up and were friends...then it's possible...but I suspect there would be problems if one of you starts dating others. sounds like ya'll weren't ready to move in together and you need to go separate ways

Well I agree that we were not ready but I have to some how make this work. Shes great I just have a problem letting it go only because I have never been put up to this challenge. I'm Told to get over her but,I dont want to get over her I feel like i have to wait till she gets her life together out here but then if she never comes back.... Ive waited for nothing...Then im told to find someone new but i feel she will hold it against me even though she says she wont. WHY?WHY?WHY? lol.


ok....but why would you want someone not into you???? there IS someone out there that will be into you hon. and you will drive yourself crazy until you move on.

someone once told me....an old way to trap a monkey is...get a cage with a hole in it. dangle a coin inside...when the monkey grabs the coin...he is trapped because he won't let go of the coin. all he has to do is let go and he's free.

TxsGal3333's photo
Sun 07/05/09 08:59 PM
First thing I would do is talk to the manager about the lease and ask if someone else wanted to move in and you wanted to move out would they let them pick up your part of the lease. There could be a possibility you could get out of the lease if so then do it and get out while you still have your sanity.

PATSFAN's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:01 PM
scared

RKISIT's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:03 PM

Im going to try to make this as short as possible but to get advice I need, the people need to know the situation.

Girl moves 2,400 miles from home to live me and start school and her life. My intentions for seven months prior to her moving was "I want her to be with me". (first mistake)? So She moves and 3 weeks in we talked and talked and talked. I finally made the move by telling her "I Like you".(not exact words). But she accepted the fact that i do. She then tells me things no girl has ever told me like, "I LOVE YOU"."Your everything in a man I've ever wanted". Etc.Just good things.

The biggest thing we agreed upon was moving slow because we have to much to risk as far as already living together, and really just knowing that were doing this whole thing a$$ backwards.

I then went out of town for 9days for work and those nine days were great cause we missed eachother so much. Haveing 5 hour conversations everynight. Great things were said and we were so suprised that we did not run out of things to talk about.

Nine days pass and I get home, had the best 3 nights of my life. I wanted to leave this out but its vital to the situation for me. She was my first girl and first relationship.

After the 3rd night I realized its different now. Shes acting strange around me and finally she says,"we have to slow down, this Is'nt how we should do this". I agreed considering shes my queen now. I completely fell for her and I knew that I would.

But we didnt slow down,She completley shut me out and latched on to my other roommate. It's not that there together she just does'nt talk to me as much but him more,txting him for questions where she would always come to me for them but not now and it hurts. I want to be her sercurity but....?Im lost at what shes doing. Its so hard to talk to her now cause anytime I bring up a problem or feeling im haveing. I'm the only that see's it. WTF?

I feel completley used for a sense of security and im not sure how to handle it.Im commited to a year lease with the both of them. Can i Make this work or no? The akwardness is almost unbearable! How can i Move on? Can the friendship still be the same? Might I add I was decent friends with her for 4 years before this.

I NEED SOME HELP,ADVICE,I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT BUT HOW?
so when is this going to be a show on the WB:smile:

no photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:04 PM

Im going to try to make this as short as possible but to get advice I need, the people need to know the situation.

Girl moves 2,400 miles from home to live me and start school and her life. My intentions for seven months prior to her moving was "I want her to be with me". (first mistake)? So She moves and 3 weeks in we talked and talked and talked. I finally made the move by telling her "I Like you".(not exact words). But she accepted the fact that i do. She then tells me things no girl has ever told me like, "I LOVE YOU"."Your everything in a man I've ever wanted". Etc.Just good things.

The biggest thing we agreed upon was moving slow because we have to much to risk as far as already living together, and really just knowing that were doing this whole thing a$$ backwards.

I then went out of town for 9days for work and those nine days were great cause we missed eachother so much. Haveing 5 hour conversations everynight. Great things were said and we were so suprised that we did not run out of things to talk about.

Nine days pass and I get home, had the best 3 nights of my life. I wanted to leave this out but its vital to the situation for me. She was my first girl and first relationship.

After the 3rd night I realized its different now. Shes acting strange around me and finally she says,"we have to slow down, this Is'nt how we should do this". I agreed considering shes my queen now. I completely fell for her and I knew that I would.

But we didnt slow down,She completley shut me out and latched on to my other roommate. It's not that there together she just does'nt talk to me as much but him more,txting him for questions where she would always come to me for them but not now and it hurts. I want to be her sercurity but....?Im lost at what shes doing. Its so hard to talk to her now cause anytime I bring up a problem or feeling im haveing. I'm the only that see's it. WTF?

I feel completley used for a sense of security and im not sure how to handle it.Im commited to a year lease with the both of them. Can i Make this work or no? The akwardness is almost unbearable! How can i Move on? Can the friendship still be the same? Might I add I was decent friends with her for 4 years before this.

I NEED SOME HELP,ADVICE,I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT BUT HOW?


this has disaster written all over itflowerforyou

MirrorMirror's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:04 PM

Im going to try to make this as short as possible but to get advice I need, the people need to know the situation.

Girl moves 2,400 miles from home to live me and start school and her life. My intentions for seven months prior to her moving was "I want her to be with me". (first mistake)? So She moves and 3 weeks in we talked and talked and talked. I finally made the move by telling her "I Like you".(not exact words). But she accepted the fact that i do. She then tells me things no girl has ever told me like, "I LOVE YOU"."Your everything in a man I've ever wanted". Etc.Just good things.

The biggest thing we agreed upon was moving slow because we have to much to risk as far as already living together, and really just knowing that were doing this whole thing a$$ backwards.

I then went out of town for 9days for work and those nine days were great cause we missed eachother so much. Haveing 5 hour conversations everynight. Great things were said and we were so suprised that we did not run out of things to talk about.

Nine days pass and I get home, had the best 3 nights of my life. I wanted to leave this out but its vital to the situation for me. She was my first girl and first relationship.

After the 3rd night I realized its different now. Shes acting strange around me and finally she says,"we have to slow down, this Is'nt how we should do this". I agreed considering shes my queen now. I completely fell for her and I knew that I would.

But we didnt slow down,She completley shut me out and latched on to my other roommate. It's not that there together she just does'nt talk to me as much but him more,txting him for questions where she would always come to me for them but not now and it hurts. I want to be her sercurity but....?Im lost at what shes doing. Its so hard to talk to her now cause anytime I bring up a problem or feeling im haveing. I'm the only that see's it. WTF?

I feel completley used for a sense of security and im not sure how to handle it.Im commited to a year lease with the both of them. Can i Make this work or no? The akwardness is almost unbearable! How can i Move on? Can the friendship still be the same? Might I add I was decent friends with her for 4 years before this.

I NEED SOME HELP,ADVICE,I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT BUT HOW?


scared RUNscared

KylePhxAz's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:05 PM



in that situation...I don't see how you can live together. now if you broke up and were friends...then it's possible...but I suspect there would be problems if one of you starts dating others. sounds like ya'll weren't ready to move in together and you need to go separate ways

Well I agree that we were not ready but I have to some how make this work. Shes great I just have a problem letting it go only because I have never been put up to this challenge. I'm Told to get over her but,I dont want to get over her I feel like i have to wait till she gets her life together out here but then if she never comes back.... Ive waited for nothing...Then im told to find someone new but i feel she will hold it against me even though she says she wont. WHY?WHY?WHY? lol.


ok....but why would you want someone not into you???? there IS someone out there that will be into you hon. and you will drive yourself crazy until you move on.

someone once told me....an old way to trap a monkey is...get a cage with a hole in it. dangle a coin inside...when the monkey grabs the coin...he is trapped because he won't let go of the coin. all he has to do is let go and he's free.

Ok I've been doing my best to let go of this coin. The Hardest thing im having is seeing her everyday and never getting a break. So i took a 3 week vacation back home to GET AWAY. and im still having troubles. I need someone new i know it. I had a taste of Companionship for the first time in my life and a taste is not enough for me the intensity that the two of us had was so good. And yet I did nothing wrong. I feel she spared my feelings and lied about why she didnt want to be with me. How can i get passed it. I have to live with her theres no way out right now. Money wise i cant afford to get out????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/

yellowrose10's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:09 PM
ok Kyle...I'm a blunt kinda girl. you are having trouble because your mindset. yes it takes time...but you have to work on it as well. don't just think it will happen over night. and coming back from vacation...knowing you are coming back to her living there....doesn't help. seriously...get your own place. if she isn't on the lease (check with your state) but most states require a 30 day notice for month to month. if she isn't on the lease...then that is what she would be since she is living there. but as long as she is there...you can't move on.

KylePhxAz's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:09 PM
Running is out of the question This place in AZ is all i got right now and its my life my home now. My Job is very importent to me and its where im at now. I've worked to hard to just drop what I have going on. And I want the friend ship to work out. If i go back with a new attitude i hope she will follow it but i would hate it if she uses it against me. From what i here women are better at game playing lol.

no photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:10 PM

ok Kyle...I'm a blunt kinda girl. you are having trouble because your mindset. yes it takes time...but you have to work on it as well. don't just think it will happen over night. and coming back from vacation...knowing you are coming back to her living there....doesn't help. seriously...get your own place. if she isn't on the lease (check with your state) but most states require a 30 day notice for month to month. if she isn't on the lease...then that is what she would be since she is living there. but as long as she is there...you can't move on.


i agree. if you were away from her, it'd still be hard, but you wouldn't have to see her everyday and suffer.

no photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:11 PM
Edited by Calleigh12 on Sun 07/05/09 09:13 PM

ok Kyle...I'm a blunt kinda girl. you are having trouble because your mindset. yes it takes time...but you have to work on it as well. don't just think it will happen over night. and coming back from vacation...knowing you are coming back to her living there....doesn't help. seriously...get your own place. if she isn't on the lease (check with your state) but most states require a 30 day notice for month to month. if she isn't on the lease...then that is what she would be since she is living there. but as long as she is there...you can't move on.



yellowrose10's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:16 PM

Running is out of the question This place in AZ is all i got right now and its my life my home now. My Job is very importent to me and its where im at now. I've worked to hard to just drop what I have going on. And I want the friend ship to work out. If i go back with a new attitude i hope she will follow it but i would hate it if she uses it against me. From what i here women are better at game playing lol.


wrong wrong wrong Kyle. for whatever reason...she is on a different path and only she can change what she does....not you. you are better than that....why would you go through this with someone not into what you want???? would you want her doing this to you if the roles were reversed????

seriously...listen to me. either you move out or have her move out...then start your life and learn to be happy with yourself first and not depend on someone to make you happy

KylePhxAz's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:16 PM


ok Kyle...I'm a blunt kinda girl. you are having trouble because your mindset. yes it takes time...but you have to work on it as well. don't just think it will happen over night. and coming back from vacation...knowing you are coming back to her living there....doesn't help. seriously...get your own place. if she isn't on the lease (check with your state) but most states require a 30 day notice for month to month. if she isn't on the lease...then that is what she would be since she is living there. but as long as she is there...you can't move on.


i agree. if you were away from her, it'd still be hard, but you wouldn't have to see her everyday and suffer.

I understand that it would help doing this. I suppose i could put it out there as an option but i feel its going to be harder than it sounds. ADVERSITY has struck my life at the wrong time and I AM Lost at how to resolve this issue, Im to young to have this stress and heartache. Does anyone actually think its possible to get through this without running???????

yellowrose10's photo
Sun 07/05/09 09:18 PM
you aren't running...that is your first mistake. you are picking yourself up and doing what you need to do. NOTHING wrong with that. don't make me come over there and move you myself...because I will ya know

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