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| Topic: Is This A Red Flag To Anyone Besides Me? | |
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? If this thread disappears, I'll get that is a rule breaker... I'm not pointing out anyone in particular. |
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Yeah, I'm the same way. If you're that bitter and jaded, I'm not ready to deal with ya yet
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I agree, those profiles are odd. I wonder if they get many takers?
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Ah dang, now I have to re do my profile!!! |
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Ah dang, now I have to re do my profile!!! awww...you gave yourself away, I have never read yours. 
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? If this thread disappears, I'll get that is a rule breaker... I'm not pointing out anyone in particular. I really don't see anything wrong with asking the question, particularly since this sort of thing is SO prevalent in so many profiles. And I see this so consistently, every day; rather than saying "This is who I am, this is what I'm looking for, and here's some stuff about my life," it turns into a rambling diatribe about what an inhuman monster the ex was. Now, I'm all for venting. Venting is good. The problem is when you vent in your profile, and this is the very first impression your making on X number of new people who don't know anything about you, it can have some repercussions. "If this person is THIS angry about their ex, what sort of things can I look forward to if I get involved with this person?" It's worth considering -- you don't want to be walking on eggshells all the time, you don't want to be suspected/accused of things you aren't even doing simply because this new person imagines a parallel between the "bad ex" and yourself. We all have a need to let it out. I'm just thinking there are better ways and better places to do it. |
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? If this thread disappears, I'll get that is a rule breaker... I'm not pointing out anyone in particular. I really don't see anything wrong with asking the question, particularly since this sort of thing is SO prevalent in so many profiles. And I see this so consistently, every day; rather than saying "This is who I am, this is what I'm looking for, and here's some stuff about my life," it turns into a rambling diatribe about what an inhuman monster the ex was. Now, I'm all for venting. Venting is good. The problem is when you vent in your profile, and this is the very first impression your making on X number of new people who don't know anything about you, it can have some repercussions. "If this person is THIS angry about their ex, what sort of things can I look forward to if I get involved with this person?" It's worth considering -- you don't want to be walking on eggshells all the time, you don't want to be suspected/accused of things you aren't even doing simply because this new person imagines a parallel between the "bad ex" and yourself. We all have a need to let it out. I'm just thinking there are better ways and better places to do it. ...  ... Exactly! What He said ^^^^^^^ I'm so grateful when Lex better does all the thinkin', talkin' and typin' for me ... 
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? If this thread disappears, I'll get that is a rule breaker... I'm not pointing out anyone in particular. I really don't see anything wrong with asking the question, particularly since this sort of thing is SO prevalent in so many profiles. And I see this so consistently, every day; rather than saying "This is who I am, this is what I'm looking for, and here's some stuff about my life," it turns into a rambling diatribe about what an inhuman monster the ex was. Now, I'm all for venting. Venting is good. The problem is when you vent in your profile, and this is the very first impression your making on X number of new people who don't know anything about you, it can have some repercussions. "If this person is THIS angry about their ex, what sort of things can I look forward to if I get involved with this person?" It's worth considering -- you don't want to be walking on eggshells all the time, you don't want to be suspected/accused of things you aren't even doing simply because this new person imagines a parallel between the "bad ex" and yourself. We all have a need to let it out. I'm just thinking there are better ways and better places to do it. ... ... Exactly! What He said ^^^^^^^ I'm so grateful when Lex better does all the thinkin', talkin' and typin' for me ... yep, me too. Because that's how I look at it... Is this person even emotionally available? Is this person going to compare me to the ex? Is there something I may say or do that will remind him of her? Is he just a very angry person? That is itself is a valid concern. Is he still in love with her and in a subconscious way saying that via the profile? I'm glad to see it isn't just me..since I'm fairly new to all this (just the last year or so) I wonder if maybe I am just doing it wrong... |
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yeah, I run from those who define themself in past relationships, and those who dont bother to define themself at all(the tell you later profiles). The phrase, open to anything, also sends me the other direction,,, prefer those with some type of boundaries and standards.
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my ex is such a *****.....SCRAMBLE!!
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Sounds like the ones who ramble on about how much their exes suck don't have a clue how to shut up. If you've been burned by romance, there's a better way to make it known.
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The way I see it if they're writing about the ex, they're thinkin about the ex. And if they're thinkin, they're not over it. If they're not over it, how can they start another chapter? Pretty basic stuff.
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Sounds like the ones who ramble on about how much their exes suck don't have a clue how to shut up. If you've been burned by romance, there's a better way to make it known. maybe being on a dating site makes it obvious...  I don't think a person can get to a certain age without having experienced "being burned'. |
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The way I see it if they're writing about the ex, they're thinkin about the ex. And if they're thinkin, they're not over it. If they're not over it, how can they start another chapter? Pretty basic stuff. Yeah, if you can write 23 consecutive paragraphs about how much you want to kill somebody, odds are you're thinking about that person at least a little bit.... |
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The way I see it if they're writing about the ex, they're thinkin about the ex. And if they're thinkin, they're not over it. If they're not over it, how can they start another chapter? Pretty basic stuff. good point. Negativity isn't very becoming IMO |
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad.
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either!
Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? |
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I don't think I have anything in my profile about my ex... I was bitter, I got over it. There were things we both did that resulted in the split. That's life. Learn from it and grow from it. Personally, my ex and I are still friends. In fact, I spent Christmas with my ex, our children, and the rest of his family. We make better friends than SO's
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad. |
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either! Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? Contrary to the old cliche, when it comes to internet dating, what you see is NOT NECESSARILY what you get.... It's a precarious balance between wanting to be open, to be trusting, and knowing that the e-world is full of sharks and loonies and users and scammers and posers and a whole bunch of people who just can't come right out and say what it is they're REALLY looking for. |
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