So I'm feeling introspective today and thought I'd share. Many of you know me here and know that I'm trying to work through the feelings that my divorce has caused. I've been going to a support group and it's really provided me alot of insight.

The one emotion I haven't been able to really get a handle on is Anger. Not my anger about my failed relationship or the anger associated with the rejection but the anger I feel when my ex hurts my kids.

So last night in my support group the topic was anger. I really believed I would never be able to control it and that it was just a fact of life.

The question posed was why was I angry? Well, my answer was I am angry because he hurts the kids, because he doesn't put the kids needs ahead of his own, because he doesn't make good decisions, because he isn't responsible...

The facilitator looked at me and asked "Chrissy, if he did those things, would you be divorced now?" Well of course not I replied. So you couldn't make him be responsible, accountable, selfless while you were married but you expect him to do them now that you are divorced?

Holy cow. Talk about a dose of reality. I've been thinking about that all night. Quite interesting really.

So, how do you handle your Anger?

That is some very good insight. Talking to others always helps so much. I usually handle my anger by going to the batting cages and crush a few baseballs. I hope things get better for you...

stuff it till i explode....


actually talk about it with friends and try to look at all angles

Anger was the one emotion that I really knew how to feel. All I can offer you is keep going to your meetings, they will help you, and try to channel your anger into something postive. When you feel like this, do something good, get more involved with the meeting, setting up, putting things away after, etc. One thing I did learn from my support group is that when I got busy I did get better. Good Luck.

I find my anger is a reaction to a hurt; NOT a feeling.
Took me 40 some years to learn that. Now I can chose how I react to people hurting me.

"whenever you let anger make you lose control; you hand that control to the person you are angry with."

How do I handle anger? Interesting....anger for me comes on many different levels. I usually just ignore things, life is too short to get all worked up. Then there are those things that more than irritate me. They basically piss me off. For those the reaction is varied from yelling to physically attacking another guy.

But when I hit my 40's last year, a whole different perspective came into view. I rarely -- and I mean years ago -- have ever resorted to violence. I suppose what they say about mellowing with age is true.At least it is for me.

And I hope it does for you too Chrissy, life is so much simpler now.

no anger

everytime I get mad things get broken and the police show up

so I NEVER get angry

its too dangerous

I do get irritated or aggravated but never angry

Thank you for all the kind words. I really am doing well and healing. I just wanted to share what I learned last night. I used to be passive-agressive when handing my anger, I would just NOT react but it didn't make me feel less angry.

What I learned last night was my anger was a reaction because I was hurt. For me, the kids, the dream of what I wanted my life to be.

I may not only heal from this experience but may actually be a better person for it. Who knew?

Just a stumbling block, you'll recover. It just takes time. When I got divorced back at the beginning of 06, I thought it was the end of the world - literally. It took two years and the love of a great woman to show me otherwise.

R, I've always dreamed of being openly aggressive just once. But I guess that's not healthy either.

I've been in over 200 fights in my life and I think I lost em all

even if you win you get hurt and stuff gets broke

"whenever you let anger make you lose control; you hand that control to the person you are angry with."
-Words of Wisdom.Well said indeed.Godspeed!Cy

When I am angry...I do a whooping lot of house cleaning. When I am worried or anxious, all of the towels, cups, dresser drawers are all lined up perfectly and the same way. Maybe a little OCD?

A little....

well first i would not worry about your anger, as it is normal to be angry after a divorce....
wait until you have known the butthead for 40 years, and he is still busy poisoning the children because you divorced his asz year unknown. that is deep anger radiating from way back for
then wait until the children turn on you and won't let you c the grandkids. that is real anger for denial of rights.
then, did you ever type his papers while he was going through college playing with all the girls while u were home with the typewriter or babies slaving away? that is mental abuse.
did he ever leave you for long periods of time while he went and played baseball leaving you to fight with the kids? that is emotional abuse. and abandonment
did he ever yell and scream at you for no good reason because his steak was not on the table at 5:00? more of the abuse.

so he is doing something to the kids? just what exactly? report it to your attorney or CPS. then c what happens. let me know.

Anger is part of the process I mailed U to tell U how I released mine!!!

Exercise. Muay thai and mountain biking. A great release.

Pretty much like this

Sure it is. But only in a controlled environment.

If you have a room with high enough ceilings go buy yourself a heavy bag ( used by boxers for training ) and a pair of boxing gloves.

Get angry and beat the ever living HELL out of that bag.

It's GREAT for venting frustrations and a damn good workout too.

or go to the bar and tell the bouncer he's a poozy