this is extremely embarassing to talk about but i've realized this about myself and this is something i wanna fix to get well. I've been in 2 relationships that each lasted about 2 years. in each, both of us were happy open had fun never was boring. as you probly could of guessed by the subject this is why they ended. im very insecure and feel in not worth anyones time, and i dont feel good enough which i've learned and i need help to fix i will not get in another relationship until i fix this because i've wasted so much time before. both girls where great and i screwed it up for no reason. they did nothing to deserve my over reactions. i want to find that girl but im afraid i never will because im afraid of getting close now and if i do driving her away. has anyone else had to deal with this.

and you just found the cause of the problem my friend. You need to be good with yourself before expecting a good relationship. If you are insecure, then no matter what the other person does, there will be suspicions.

Take some time and figure out why you are insecure and work on that.

Best of luck

Jealousy is your issue (not the others), and it’s good that you seem to realize this fact.

If you are insecure then you need to address that baggage before you get into another relationship. Try to discover WHY you are insecure; immaturity, appearance, attitude, lack of self esteem, poorly educated, etc, and plan a strategy to improve yourself.

I wish you luck. This is not an impossible task but you will need a lot of personal growth to conquer the core issues. As long as you aren’t blaming others then you are on the right track.

I just perved your profile and you seem to have a lot going for you! I think you are pretty damn hot; you are working on your education; and you have a lot of interests. Find what ails you because I think you are a good catch otherwise!

jealousy doesnt work
i was with this guy before my divorce was final 21yrs ago
my ex hubby and i had been separatede already for a yr and there was no way we would had rekindle
but the guy i was with if i would just talk to someone that i knew he would question and say i was cheating or something... but of course i wasent... he was just a jealous prosasive mexican that thought everything had to be his way.
we still talk every now and then, but he doesnt live in oregon anymore he lives in nevada now.. and he wonders why i broke up with him........ well geeze.. being jealous in one, controling is another and being a dang alcoholic is another reason... im suprise after all this time he doesnt have a liver problem
any how with jealousy it just proves that you dont have any trust in a relationship..
with him i did in some ways. but i hated to be around him when he was drunk and he knew it but didnt care

Great advice so far. You need to take care of #1 for now and start respecting yourself more.

I developed my ego more towards arrogance instead of jealousy, then I found myself laughing more at those types I used to feel threatened by, but you'll find something that works for you.

The first step is not relying on somebody for your happiness. They should compliment your personality. Don't be afraid to let people go if it does'nt work out, and don't fear losing somebody. Just do what you think is right. The people you date might be great or they might really have problems, but chances are you won't see that until it's too late, unless you start taking care of #1 first.

i used to have a problem with jealousy until i came to terms with the fact that i have no control over what other people do and that i don't own anybody. if i'm dating a girl and she talks to other guys, it's not my place to say that she can't; i don't own her. besides, if i tell her not to she'll likely just do it anyway and try to hide it from me.

as for your own personal feelings about yourself, i have those same feelings which is the #1 reason that i am alone. people always say that no one will love you if you don't love yourself first and it's probably the truth.
i can't tell you how to solve that problem as i myself haven't been able to solve it.

good luck.


. . .

It's good that you realize jealousy as your problem in a relationship. It's common to be jealous. But it's a problem when you let it get the best of you.

Jealousy can not be cured...but it can be tamed. I can sit here and type a bunch of mumble jumble stuff, but I won't. (Mainly because I'm tired and can't think straight to advise someone.) Jealousy in a relationship just shows how much you care for a person. But when you become jealous all the time, the person will feel uncomfortable being around you.

I've suffered from jealousy, but not in a relationship. Mine was more of..."I really like you and wish we were together". Then it turned into..."Who in the world is he talking to now? Is she a friend? Maybe his sister? Is he interested in her?" Thinking about these questions and more brought my self-esteem down. It's terrible to focus all your energy on one person when there are many, and I mean many, other people out there to possibly hook up with.

I wish I had better advise to give you. But like I said above, I'm tired and can't think straight to advise someone. I wish you all the best. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail.

oh also i know what i found funny
before my ex hubby and i ever got married
yea he was a little jealous but not as bad as others
there was one time i remember we had been downtown and he insisted for me to take the bus home. i decided to wait to take the next bus for there was this elderly gentalman that lived down town and a friend of mine and i had befriend him. and i saw him and went to say hi
and my ex hubby(bf) at the time saw me talk to him and he accused me cheating on him with that elderly man... that was a major laugh

i see u have found what you think is the root of your problem.... maybe so ... maybe not... i see u as a young man.. for perhaps maybe seeing this is the problem and looking into it! please don't blame yourself! for in the future you may find that it wasn't you! i am only saying this because you are reaching out... and maybe looking at this factor! so to me that is a good thing in you.. for you are out to self improve yourself! kudos! you will go far in life! hugs to u! deb remember there is always time for change and also seeking out and learning! and communication is always key! with your partner!

I've been on the receiving end of jealousy more than once. My opinion is if you really care for someone then you should be able to trust that person & not fill your head with all kinds of BS. Now, if a womans going to cheat on you she's going to be able to do it whether you're keeping a close watch over her or not. You can't prevent it & need to end the relationship if you "know" she's cheating. But, don't force her to leave when she's being faithful because of your insecurities. I've always felt like something must be wrong with me because I've never been the jealous type. Now, I realize it's a blessing! My ex used to have a job where he'd come home with #'s & addresses in his pockets daily. I never questioned it because of his job & if I found them in his jeans when I was doing laundry I'd put them on the table beside the bed. Those #'s was our income & if I tossed them he'd likely lose work because of it. In 21 years of marriage I never had a reason to mistrust him!! Yes, I stayed married 21 years to a control freak!!

You've done half of the work now - you've identified the problem, and it's you. Now do the other half of the work and fix yourself. Is it easy? No. Is it necessary? Yes. Unless, of course, you just want to be holdin' 'pity parties' for the rest of your life. No one will put up with constant jealousy from a partner - and if you'll admit it, you wouldn't put up with it from them. The ball's in your court - not theirs.