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| Topic: Scenario........ | |
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Shocker.........I grew up with a guy always thinking of him as a brother......tells me has been in love with me all this time and getting to hard to continue to be my friend because of it.....32 years of friendship....the ball is in my court.....wondering if I should let the dynamics of the relationship change.....either way it looks like I could lose the friendship......am sad at the possibility of losing the friendship.........but not sure if I can change the dynamics within myself or not........is it worth a shot?
1- If the dynamics of the relationship is changeable, and it doesn't work out possibly lose the friendship...... 2- If I do not try to change the dynamics of the relationship, I lose the friendship..... 32 years of friendship to lose here...... Geesh how confusing can life get???? |
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I say go for it!!!!
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Edited by
74Drew
on
Mon 06/21/10 07:58 AM
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32 years of friendship
it's obvious that you get along with each other. that's a big step right there. but, is there attraction? does the thought of being with him in a physical sense disgust you or does it intrigue you? clearly he has patience, but what has changed in his life to make him suddenly come forward? i can't tell you what to do, but i think you should figure out how you feel about it. could you see yourself having a relationship with him? it sux that you could lose out either way, but if it doesn't fail you win. i always hear women say that they want a lover who's their best friend too. . . . |
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32 years of friendship it's obvious that you get along with each other. that's a big step right there. but, is there attraction? does the thought of being with him in a physical sense disgust you or does it intrigue you? clearly he has patience, but what has changed in his life to make him suddenly come forward? i can't tell you what to do, but i think you should figure out how you feel about it. could you see yourself having a relationship with him? it sux that you could lose out either way, but if it doesn't fail you win. i always hear women say that they want a lover who's their best friend too. . . . Honestly.....I had never given any thought to a physical relationship with him........it does not disgust me but I am not sure it intrigues me either........maybe in shock? Of course....I love him.....you cannot be friends with someone that long and not have love in your heart for them.... I really do not remember a cross word between us ever.....and had many a good time together....... . . . |
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All I know is - and I heard this from many many sources - the best way to ruin a friendship is to either get married or get into a love-related-relationship - especially if you don't even think of him as your lover, but your brother.
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All I know is - and I heard this from many many sources - the best way to ruin a friendship is to either get married or get into a love-related-relationship - especially if you don't even think of him as your lover, but your brother. Not brother as in sibling.....brother as in friends....."bro".... But did allow him to kiss me this past weekend and it wasnt bad but I was nervous about it and uncomfortable at the time........ |
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Shocker.........I grew up with a guy always thinking of him as a brother......tells me has been in love with me all this time and getting to hard to continue to be my friend because of it.....32 years of friendship....the ball is in my court.....wondering if I should let the dynamics of the relationship change.....either way it looks like I could lose the friendship......am sad at the possibility of losing the friendship.........but not sure if I can change the dynamics within myself or not........is it worth a shot? 1- If the dynamics of the relationship is changeable, and it doesn't work out possibly lose the friendship...... 2- If I do not try to change the dynamics of the relationship, I lose the friendship..... 32 years of friendship to lose here...... Geesh how confusing can life get???? I say go for it. Sure, there are risks. But what relationship doesn't? The possible awards far outweigh the risks. You already have love for him. You already get along well. That's already better than most couples. You have a shared history so they'll be no more surprises. You've already have more going for you two than most people get in a lifetime. And seriously, it is unlikely his feelings for you developed in a vaccuum. I'm willing to bet that if you looked deep into your own heart, you'd find the beginnings of a romantic love for him too. I say go for it. |
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All I know is - and I heard this from many many sources - the best way to ruin a friendship is to either get married or get into a love-related-relationship - especially if you don't even think of him as your lover, but your brother. However, I've found this to rarely be based off personal experience. Most people just assume if it didn't work for the dozen other people that may or may not have even gone through the situation, then it will in turn not work out for them. Oh sure, every once in awhile you get that person that went through it that one time and it didn't work then so they base the future idea of it off that one experience. Like I said previous, might as well try it out, you're not standing to lose anymore if you do or not and you could possibly gain a pretty good relationship. |
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A couple should be 'best friends' to begin with....
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A couple should be 'best friends' to begin with.... Agree...
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It's hard to look at someone with new eyes like that. If you aren't physically attracted to him it might end up worse if you try and then it doesn't work for you.
Also, and I am not saying that this is the case but, he could be manifesting these feelings because he is getting a little older and is lonely. He has always loved you in some capacity but to say he has always been IN LOVE with you and it is just NOW starting to get to him after 32 years tells a different story. I would be weary, I've let myself get caught up in a similar situation only to find out later that curiosity killed the cat. |
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It's hard to look at someone with new eyes like that. If you aren't physically attracted to him it might end up worse if you try and then it doesn't work for you. Also, and I am not saying that this is the case but, he could be manifesting these feelings because he is getting a little older and is lonely. He has always loved you in some capacity but to say he has always been IN LOVE with you and it is just NOW starting to get to him after 32 years tells a different story. I would be weary, I've let myself get caught up in a similar situation only to find out later that curiosity killed the cat. Apparently, he tried to tell me once when we were teens (I moved not long after famlial reasons), but I thought he was kidding. Now he is a man....this is the first time we are both single since then...(difference maybe he is more forceful now in late thirties than at 18?) at least, this is what he said when I asked about it.... |
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Ok. So he tried to tell you at age 18. Well, the reason he is more "forceful" with it now is due to him not wanting there to be any confusion about it. He has his chance to say it, and he did. Now, you know how he feels.
From what I gather, you don't feel that way. But you wonder if you could. I have always maintained that if you don't feel something for someone, then you cannot make yourself feel the way that they feel about you. Yes, you love him. It's a friend love. That's all. He is IN LOVE with you, but I do wonder if he truly is, why did he not be more convincing about it when he was 18. I'm sorry, but when you love someone like he says he does you, one does not simply sit back and weakly say it. You have to tell that person how you feel. I know that your response (back then) could have made him back off. But then again, he needed to affirm how truthful he was about his feelings. It's great he got the second chance to say it now, but even so I think the time for you two to even think that it could be more than a friendship is past. You can take the risk. Go for it. Be adventurous. But, from what I have seen of your responses, you don't seem to keen on it. And, even with him saying how he feels, if he cannot accept that you don't feel the same way (and he drops the friendship) then that is him being a little biatch. A true friend wouldn't do that. But, what do I know? This is just my opinion. |
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Edited by
Atlantis75
on
Mon 06/21/10 09:30 PM
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It's hard to look at someone with new eyes like that. If you aren't physically attracted to him it might end up worse if you try and then it doesn't work for you. Also, and I am not saying that this is the case but, he could be manifesting these feelings because he is getting a little older and is lonely. He has always loved you in some capacity but to say he has always been IN LOVE with you and it is just NOW starting to get to him after 32 years tells a different story. I would be weary, I've let myself get caught up in a similar situation only to find out later that curiosity killed the cat. Apparently, he tried to tell me once when we were teens (I moved not long after famlial reasons), but I thought he was kidding. Now he is a man....this is the first time we are both single since then...(difference maybe he is more forceful now in late thirties than at 18?) at least, this is what he said when I asked about it.... So basically he tells you this after many years passed by? Actually it's not as relevant, but what is relevant is for you, is how you feel about him. So far it seems like you are - and forgive me if I'm wrong - not in love with him, you just treat him as a friend. Love and friendship are 2 different things. Question you gotta ask yourself and think about: 1. Am in love with him? 2. Am I looking for a friendship or love? questions you have to investigate: 1. Does he really love me? 2. What's the real reason for suddenly reappearing and going after me? Seriously. Dont' mix the 2 things. You can be a friend with him forever but you will feel no love. Hell, you can even have sex with him in a regular basis, and do all the kissing etc.. Just remember. If he is in love with you and you aren't, someone is gonna be getting hurt, not receiving only giving, eventually this whole thing is gonna choke into a painful experience (in my opinion). |
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Ok. So he tried to tell you at age 18. Well, the reason he is more "forceful" with it now is due to him not wanting there to be any confusion about it. He has his chance to say it, and he did. Now, you know how he feels. From what I gather, you don't feel that way. But you wonder if you could. I have always maintained that if you don't feel something for someone, then you cannot make yourself feel the way that they feel about you. Yes, you love him. It's a friend love. That's all. He is IN LOVE with you, but I do wonder if he truly is, why did he not be more convincing about it when he was 18. I'm sorry, but when you love someone like he says he does you, one does not simply sit back and weakly say it. You have to tell that person how you feel. I know that your response (back then) could have made him back off. But then again, he needed to affirm how truthful he was about his feelings. It's great he got the second chance to say it now, but even so I think the time for you two to even think that it could be more than a friendship is past. You can take the risk. Go for it. Be adventurous. But, from what I have seen of your responses, you don't seem to keen on it. And, even with him saying how he feels, if he cannot accept that you don't feel the same way (and he drops the friendship) then that is him being a little biatch. A true friend wouldn't do that. But, what do I know? This is just my opinion. I have to agree with goof here. This is well spoken. Good luck hunn
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drink some beers and go from there
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I do not know if I am not keen about or just blown away by it and confused.............I understand him not wanting to be friends rather than me crying on his shoulder about the idiotic BF I seem to have, though........esp. if he has feelings......the only love I have known for him has been friendship....but you are correct whether it feelings of friendship or confusion.......it would not be my way to jump in with both feet without being sure of how I feel about someone.......Goof your great man.....loved what everyone had to say.....and appreciate all the inputs and varying opinion....minglers are awesome as always........
 3  minglers
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It can take time for a feeling to grow into more than the long time friendship your use to...perhaps your just blown away because you weren't expecting it. If your feeling change towards him in a natural way it could be the right thing. I concur, you shouldn't attempt at forcing yourself..pondering it isn't forcing it.
The best friend thing is already there, a best friend feeling is different than a brother feeling. Listen to Vanessa Williams 'Save The Best For Last' song.
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The best relationships do start out as friends. Sometimes we all have to take risks. Whatever you decide to do, good luck
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On one hand the fact that you had to bring it to a forum should tell you how you feel ... The attraction isnt there or you would know it
On the other hand will you ever be able to see him in the same light again ... knowing how he feels?? You may have nothing to loose!! |
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