I'm arguing with a few people on another site, and it seems like most are looking for a long term relationship on dating sites , right off the bat.

Basically browsing and matching with people and see that person they contact as someone who'm they want to spend a long term right off the bat.

Isn't that just a little too much and too early and having way too much expectation from someone?


To put in a metaphoric expression ~

Isn't that like trying to trap an adult grizzly bear, while you ignore the little cubs you can have for free and just raise him to be a big grizzly one day?


I always start out by getting to know someone, who is someone fun to hang out with and then just see how things gonna go later on. It might turn into a serious love relationship that could last for many years or we might never get to that point and remain as friends only.

Always friends first...............

But I do need to feel compatible enough that I could see it working out long term or I wont even bother.

I agree but I waver back to the other arguement at times too. I make sure I don't "push" too hard too fast.

It's a fine line damn it!!

I just know that if there are things that bother me in the beginning it's only going to get worse long term. So while they may seem petty or inconsequential at the time they could turn out to be deal breakers later when you're already invested.

Edit: And I would never ask or expect someone to change for me. I wouldn't do it and they shouldn't have to either.

No because I want to try to find out as much as possible about them first.

Ok, I just got into a fight with someone...Here is what I wrote:




here is the response I got back:

I'm wanting a long term relationship...I have 'man for friendship" as the option on here. Because my intent is "long term" doesn't mean I want to be with the first guy who is also looking for long term. A want a strong foundation built on friendship and it takes time for a feeling to grow.

I have no interest in casual dating or intimate encounters. I also don't have any interest in dating one that isn't interested in 'long term'...we don't want the same thing.

Like Myka said..I'm not going to put much energy into one I'm not compatible with either.

I know exactly what I want and at my age I see no reason to fU *k around playing the dating game...

With out knowing what the conversation was before this, I would have to agree with her.

I have to fight the womanly urge to see a man "as my man" too soon. Women need to visualize the relationship, it is their ultimate goal and the prize worth working towards. It gives them the reason to even be bothered. If you take that away from a woman, she loses focus and becomes lost, which usually means the end of the relationship.

Men on the other hand can see a connection forming many different routes and not need any motivation to stick with it other than they do not end up fighting with the person.

This is my observation so not a concrete science by any means.

I try to get to the friendship place and keep the option open for more later. I will tell you it hasn't worked well for me yet.

Geezus!! We agree 100% again.

This is golden right here!

Ditto.

This is interesting. I think my last date consisted of a 6 pack and the back seat of an old Dodge. I have found that people will ask you the damnest things nowadays...............

no how could you know that is what you want unless you have spent some time together?.. friends first then dating, exclusive dating, bf/gf, then long term


course butt shots are always welcome anytime in there as well

I think everyone should read what he wrote....he wrote the same things all the ladies wrote with the exception of wishing to visualize LTR.....its the male version of everything said previous to the comment.......he needs to find the right mixture of commonalities and differences to balance a relationship. He will not turn away friends and pals along the way. That is probably how I would have wrote or my intake of his outtake.

So I seem to be a person who always generalize all the time?


I can't even get a date for ....5-6 months now and I'm the one who believe that they want to marry me? LOL I don't even get contacted to begin with and my tries go unanswered.

You can only base your conclusions off of your own experiences. If it helps any, no one woman is the same as the last.

I think the problem lies in your need to analyze. There are too many unknown variables to come up with an equation my friend.

Now here is the 2 typical things I get:

1. If i go full steam ahead and try my best - People say "You are too desperate, hold on to your horses".

2. I'm trying the easy-go thing - "hey not everyone wants to marry you, don't be afraid".

I don't know what to do now. I think the last date I had thought that I wasn't interested or something, because I was very easy going and I didn't try anything. I gave her a hug every time we met and a kiss on the cheek. Now it seems like it wasn't enough. If i try anything more, then there is the chance that she's gonna think "hey this dude just wanna f..k me and that's it".

whiner