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Topic: Question For the Girls
JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 06:51 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that?

bhernandez Joined Sun 03/21/10 Posts: 14901	Thu 03/08/12 06:52 PM
we loathe nice guys.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Thu 03/08/12 06:54 PM Edited by Totage on Thu 03/08/12 06:54 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that? Maybe it's you, not them.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Thu 03/08/12 06:55 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that? my first guess is they broke your heart because something is wrong with them or because you werent well matched not merely because you are a nice guy a good place to start is being honest about not just about what you can offer them but what you want in return if there is plenty of communication of those two ideas, it should be much easier to find a 'match' who wont break your heart,,,,but these days people are playing the 'dating game' so its hard to know what the truth is,,,,

bittentwiceshy Joined Wed 03/07/12 Posts: 53	Thu 03/08/12 06:55 PM
You are picking the wrong women. Simple.

JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 06:56 PM
what do you mean its me not them. i have always treated my girls with the up most respect i open car doors pay for the bills take them out and buy them things do everything that i know possible to keep them happy and everytime i have been walked on and hurt so tell me how is it me?

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Thu 03/08/12 06:59 PM
You're allowing them to take advantage of you perhaps.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Thu 03/08/12 06:59 PM
what do you mean its me not them. i have always treated my girls with the up most respect i open car doors pay for the bills take them out and buy them things do everything that i know possible to keep them happy and everytime i have been walked on and hurt so tell me how is it me? how old are you , if I may ask? and how old are they generally? do you ask them how it could be better? what do they tell you?

JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 07:02 PM
You're allowing them to take advantage of you perhaps. ok so what are you saying? that i need to not have respect for the one im with and just not care about them? i mean if that is the case then why be with them? if i dont care about someone im not going to be with them. i dont play games when it comes to my dateing life i like to do the right thing i was raised by my grandfater and he tought me that a woman is one of the most important things in a mans life and you have to treat them right to keep them happy. girls is that true and if so then why do yall play all those mind games and walk on the varry fue guys like me left in the world?

JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 07:05 PM
what do you mean its me not them. i have always treated my girls with the up most respect i open car doors pay for the bills take them out and buy them things do everything that i know possible to keep them happy and everytime i have been walked on and hurt so tell me how is it me? how old are you , if I may ask? and how old are they generally? do you ask them how it could be better? what do they tell you? im 25 and the last one that broke my heart was 22.. when i ask if everything is ok they say "yea baby its fine" then its like boom gone just like that no reason or nothing just gone..

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Thu 03/08/12 07:10 PM
what do you mean its me not them. i have always treated my girls with the up most respect i open car doors pay for the bills take them out and buy them things do everything that i know possible to keep them happy and everytime i have been walked on and hurt so tell me how is it me? how old are you , if I may ask? and how old are they generally? do you ask them how it could be better? what do they tell you? im 25 and the last one that broke my heart was 22.. when i ask if everything is ok they say "yea baby its fine" then its like boom gone just like that no reason or nothing just gone.. if its a pattern ,, maybe spend some time building up your confidence I only say that because of the immediate assumption you are making that you have done something wrong women like confidence,, and communication if you have someone that just constantly says 'its fine', they probably arent much of a communicator and its probably best to move on unless you can communicate for the both of you but that wouldnt be fair to you ,,,good luck

teadipper Joined Wed 10/19/11 Posts: 2732	Thu 03/08/12 07:10 PM Edited by teadipper on Thu 03/08/12 07:11 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that? I find a lot of these "NICE" guys not all but some also feel they need to advise in every area of my life. Remind me of what to do constantly, etc. etc. They think part of being a "nice man" is keeping tabs on everything 24/7. I am not saying that is the case with all but some. Also, a lot of "nice" guys are not good communicators about what they want or need. As for girls who stay with abusers, that's a multi-tiered complicated thing that steams from certain girls' self esteem issues and stuff. That is not a girl you would want anyway, she is going to have many issues.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Thu 03/08/12 07:12 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that? I find a lot of these "NICE" guys not all but some also feel they need to advise in every area of my life. Remind of what to do constantly, etc. etc. They think part of being a "nice man" is keeping tabs on everything 24/7. I am not saying that is the case with all but some. Also, a lot of "nice" guys are not good communicators about what they want or need. As for girls who stay with abusers, that's a multi-tiered complicated thing that steams from certain girls' self esteem issues and stuff. That is not a girl you would want anyway, she is going to have many issues. good points, I think balance is key here not to be too clingy/insecure/needy,,, but also not to be too selfish/cocky/inconsiderate sometimes the balance takes time and experience to find

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Thu 03/08/12 07:12 PM
No, just saying if you act like a doormat, expect to be treated as such. If every one you meet seems to be having the same problem, it may be an issue with you that you need to resolve. Just out of curiosity, do you know how to read people? You may be doing all these nice things, but is that the way they are being received as? I know when my mom would try to date, when I was a kid, she would get turned off real quick if the guy seemed too nice at first, not that she wanted to be with an a**hole or anything. I don't know quite how to explain it, but being too nice at first can be a red flag. IDK

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 03/08/12 07:18 PM
Why is it that when a man treats a girl right (opening there car doors, pay for everything, loves with all there is to love) they walk all over them but when the guy abuses the woman they stay true to them? i have been told that i was to good to be true and had my heart broke to many times because i am to nice. can you please tell me what i do wrong and why yall do that? Can't help ya, as I am not into guys that abuse me. Don't assume that just because you open doors and pay for things that every woman will fall for you, though. Just be yourself and you'll end up finding someone who is interested in you, rather than you paying for things.

bittentwiceshy Joined Wed 03/07/12 Posts: 53	Thu 03/08/12 07:21 PM
Perhaps it is because I am older and it is more noticeable to me but in your posts you refer to your ladies as "girls" and you refer to them as "my" and you say grandpa taught you they were the most import "things". You are young and I am sure the women you date are young also so this could explain that. But when you date a "woman", who has self respect, knows how to accept something that is given because the person cares and is not just doing it to impress them then I think you will find being the nice guy will have it's rewards. Sometimes people are so use to being mistreated they are a little fearful of a kindness being given.

JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 07:21 PM
No, just saying if you act like a doormat, expect to be treated as such. If every one you meet seems to be having the same problem, it may be an issue with you that you need to resolve. Just out of curiosity, do you know how to read people? You may be doing all these nice things, but is that the way they are being received as? I know when my mom would try to date, when I was a kid, she would get turned off real quick if the guy seemed too nice at first, not that she wanted to be with an a**hole or anything. I don't know quite how to explain it, but being too nice at first can be a red flag. IDK i know what you mean there and i mean yea im nice at first but not as nice as i am as the relationship progresses. for instance yea if we go out on a date yea i open the door. always have i do it for my mom if i can beat her there lol. i pay for the meal or movie or what not that we are doing that to is to be exspected but buying them things just cuz in the begining no i dont im not supper nice to start and no im not a stalker and keep tabs 24/7 i let them do what they want as do i do what i want but there is a line that should not be crossed by either person while in a relationship. for instance going to parties while in a relationship while the other is not with you to me that is a downfall and i personly dont like when that is done to many things can happen. i am more of a home body when i am dateing someone unless the one i am dateing is with me then that is when i go do stuff. dont get me wrong i have a life also and friends of my own but when im in a relationship i give it 110% i dont date just random girls i get to know them and become friends first and progress from there so its not like they dont know me b4 we start dateing. where am i going wrong girls please inform me so i can fix what ever it is i am doing wrong.. lol

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Thu 03/08/12 07:24 PM
No, just saying if you act like a doormat, expect to be treated as such. If every one you meet seems to be having the same problem, it may be an issue with you that you need to resolve. Just out of curiosity, do you know how to read people? You may be doing all these nice things, but is that the way they are being received as? I know when my mom would try to date, when I was a kid, she would get turned off real quick if the guy seemed too nice at first, not that she wanted to be with an a**hole or anything. I don't know quite how to explain it, but being too nice at first can be a red flag. IDK i know what you mean there and i mean yea im nice at first but not as nice as i am as the relationship progresses. for instance yea if we go out on a date yea i open the door. always have i do it for my mom if i can beat her there lol. i pay for the meal or movie or what not that we are doing that to is to be exspected but buying them things just cuz in the begining no i dont im not supper nice to start and no im not a stalker and keep tabs 24/7 i let them do what they want as do i do what i want but there is a line that should not be crossed by either person while in a relationship. for instance going to parties while in a relationship while the other is not with you to me that is a downfall and i personly dont like when that is done to many things can happen. i am more of a home body when i am dateing someone unless the one i am dateing is with me then that is when i go do stuff. dont get me wrong i have a life also and friends of my own but when im in a relationship i give it 110% i dont date just random girls i get to know them and become friends first and progress from there so its not like they dont know me b4 we start dateing. where am i going wrong girls please inform me so i can fix what ever it is i am doing wrong.. lol if you took time to get to know the girls and built up to sharing what you JUST POSTED with them, about your expectations,,before getting into a 'relationshp',, you might ween them out faster and skip the heartache many people have different ideas of what constitutes a 'relationship' as opposed to just someone to hang out with or someone to get to know if you make that clear BEFORE the relationship starts, it may work out better

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 03/08/12 07:27 PM
what do you mean its me not them. i have always treated my girls with the up most respect i open car doors pay for the bills take them out and buy them things do everything that i know possible to keep them happy and everytime i have been walked on and hurt so tell me how is it me? how old are you , if I may ask? and how old are they generally? do you ask them how it could be better? what do they tell you? im 25 and the last one that broke my heart was 22.. when i ask if everything is ok they say "yea baby its fine" then its like boom gone just like that no reason or nothing just gone.. women can't be bought. It's nice that you offer to pay for a date, but be sure you are not making a date feel like she owes you something becuase you did. You sound like you are very sincere, and I think you are doing many of the right things - but spending time talking & laughing and getting to know someone is more important than giving presents - if I were you I would not make it a habit of purchasing gifts until you know that you have found someone who you will be with for awhile - so there is meaning and a foundation/reason for buying the gifts jmho

JTfleming Joined Thu 03/08/12 Posts: 43	Thu 03/08/12 07:27 PM
Perhaps it is because I am older and it is more noticeable to me but in your posts you refer to your ladies as "girls" and you refer to them as "my" and you say grandpa taught you they were the most import "things". You are young and I am sure the women you date are young also so this could explain that. But when you date a "woman", who has self respect, knows how to accept something that is given because the person cares and is not just doing it to impress them then I think you will find being the nice guy will have it's rewards. Sometimes people are so use to being mistreated they are a little fearful of a kindness being given. i was refering as "girls" because my fingers are tired and im to lazy right now to type it out as woman. and i refer to the "my" as in the relationships that i have had and i have had only 2 serious relationships in my life the first lasted 4 years but we where young and dumb and didnt know what we wanted and didnt know who we where so it ended the second lasted 2 years and then just ended with no exsplination on why and for the grandpa thing yea a woman should be the most important thing in a mans life exspecily if you are planning on getting married to that woman and haveing a family with her. she should be the #1 priority to him.