She obviously didn't mean that 'one can be in 3 (or maybe '4') places at the same time...'

Well written. Nice viewpoint. Keep smiling (& shining)!

Your questions are 'natural/normal' and 'aint' weird in any humanly comprehensible parameter/scale of measurement.

We 'feel' the need to pair off with someone, because, having been gifted with the life of 'human beings', we have been blessed with a 'heart' to feel, a 'soul' stirring within our material being, an 'imagination' to hold someone tight And to be with 'him/her' (as the case may be).


Although, we were sent into this world 'alone'; and will exit from this world, 'alone', we weren't 'punished' to spend one human life, 'alone'. I guess, each and every individual, has 'her/his' soul-mate waiting at some corner of this blessed universe. If 'this' particular life doesn't bring 'them' together, it shouldn't be necessarily inferred that 'it wasn't meant to be...' - Yes, it wasn't meant to be, not in this life, but 'certainly' in some other life (for them, who believe in 'Life After Death' philosophy)!


So, Keep smiling. You aren't an 'exception' to this 'rule' of 'feeling lonely' & 'desiring to be paired off with someone'.. 99% of the human race ('gender' irrespective) is by your side... The only 'suggestion' that I would render to you (although I don't purport to appear rude in any manner whatsoever, by delving into your personal life) is: 'It would be far far better for you (and for any human-being, for that matter), to stay alone' than to 'find an incorrect partner'... Perhaps, the pangs of loneliness are bearable than the trauma of spending a human life, with an 'incorrect' choice...!


And finally, I will encourage you to 'mutter' to yourself, every night: "As long as I have a heart to feel; A soul stirring within me; An imagination to hold you tight; And to be with you; I'll always love 'You'!"



May you find your soul-mate (someone who would help you 'rise' in love and life) in due time.

Amen!

For You, 'WTM':




Love is patient, Love is kind
Love is learning to be blind.

To others' faults, it keeps no score,
Love is learning much much more.


Love protects and always trusts,
Perseverance is a must.

Love is facing stormy weather,
Hand in hand we walk together.


Love is honest, not deceiving,
In God and others we keep believing.

Love is learning to forgive
As Jesus taught us how to live.


True love we find will not forsake
But always gives more than it takes.

Love is learning to rejoice
In all we face, it is our choice.


We are learning the meaning of love
As gifted to us by God above!

[Marcell Billinghurst]

6 years for me also,although not by choice.My angel got her wings 5-27-2007.My life is a bit empty but always have hope.Many are right,we aren't meant to be alone,even my late wife told me to find someone because "Your not good alone"
Someday.......?

DON'T BE AN A-HOLE WHEN AN AMAZING GIRL COMES, THINKING YOU'LL GET BETTER LATER ON.
THERE'S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA BUT THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF NETS TO SCOOP THEM UP.

DON'T BE A BIOTCH WHEN AN AMAZING MAN COMES, THINKING YOU'LL GET BETTER LATER ON.
THERE'S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA BUT THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF NETS TO SCOOP THEM UP.

There's plenty of fish in the sea, but the nice ones always swim past me.

ooooo what you need is one of my chicken stews and pint baaaaaaby

So, how is the search going?

seriously tho don't worry about being alone there are plenty of people out there and you will bump into one that suits you just fine

We don't get lonely. We get horny....heehee

I would say that there is an argument to be made from a sociologists point of view perhaps that as Americans have moved away from the extended family or tribal past and have moved from small town living into the urban jungle that they have cut themselves off from this sense of family and belonging that was once a common place occurrence in this country



yes we strive for independence in this country but we also shut ourselves off from our neighbors in high rise apartments and gated communities. I think we have lost something along the way that people had figured out in the 1950's with smaller ranch homes and neighborhoods were kids played together and parents all got together for cook outs. Do these still exist? yes in some parts of country they do.

I don't think anyone is unaware that as infants we form strong bonds with our caregivers/nurturers and that human beings seem to be wired with this need.
that infants left on their own who do not have this need met often develop learned helplessness and a failure to thrive even if they are being fed, changed and clothed

are Americans lonely? not all but yes some are.
look at the sheer amount of them that are depressed

So very true... I do believe that we as human no matter what culture are taught from birth to interact with others. When we don't there is something inside of us that craves for the touch whether is it physical or emotional..

For example, as in a intimate relationship I have been single way more than I have been in a man/woman relationship...Do I feel like I have been cheated. I did when my husband died when I was twenty-five. I chose to fill my life with some great friends...

So IMO, the emotional side was fulfilled the physical side...well there was lots and lots of cold showers..lol.

I also believe that a person has to find that inner place of being content alone before they can really appreciate being with a partner.

Ahh, look at all the lonely people, and that's just on Mingle!!

Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles

i wonder the same things, but then i realized that there is still hope... thats the only answer i come up with...

Edited for targeting other members rather than the topic.

soufie
Site Moderator

I keep trying because SOMEBODY has to do these dishes on a regular basis!

Weird thing is people get lonely because they want to share then they become involved in a relationship and get selfish.

I think there is some merit in the post that stated "we don't get lonely, we get horny".

Anyway, other than biological drives, I don't have the universal answer to your question - one can only speak for his or her self.

Well, As for me, I've all but given up on the idea of ever meeting Mrs Right. I've been around a good bit. Either my picker is broken or there are just way too many weird people in the world. That's all I can seem to get to date me. I have a very hard time finding a woman that doesn't have a life full of drama. I've always tried to keep control of my life and not allow drama to creep in. I just won't put up with it.

So, In a way, I talk to women on here and a couple of other places if they want to talk. But at the same time a part of me has gotten to the point to where I really don't care if they talk to me or not. I guess I've had way too many nuts and to many that are weird one way or the other. Or just don't have very good control of their lives.

Plus, I'm tired of the lies. A lot of women that I have come across are very good at hiding who they really are. I don't find out who they really are until I'm in too deep with them. I'm about to the place where I see no point in trying. I'm starting to think that it's best for me to be happy within myself.

I try to think of such things quite a bit more simply. I am not remotely comfortable making grand declarations about how the world intends this or that. And my own life experiences have showed me that grandiose romantic claptrap actually does a lot more damage than good to everything.

What if we are always just creatures who sometimes want to be on our own, and sometimes don't? What if the STRUCTURES of love relationships really are all made up from over-thinking, and are all really gilded cages that we struggle with?

I know that I like to have a woman as a companion, and as a partner, and as a friend. I feel no need to justify that, or turn it into something more than that by proclaiming it my destiny or the will of some great spirit.

And I know that for me personally, a collection of purely nominal female arrangements provides no satisfaction: that is, even if I had the money to afford it, I know quite well that I would NOT want to hire a woman to have sex with on call, another woman to converse with on call, a woman to help me figure life out, and so on, and have them all be otherwise unconcerned about me.

So leave me out of all the "destiny" themes, and all of the "need-based" theories. I'm quite snotty enough that social pressure has zero to do with my hunger for a mate. I want a mate, because it's Monday, and I want a mate, for all the little things that are part of having a mate. Someone to please, to care for, to annoy for the fun of it at times, and to completely ignore at times.

^ You could just have written "companionship" and we would have understood you.

Yes.
Millions and tons.
They're always starting threads on internet forums.

Which is funny.
They are looking to connect with someone in order to talk about something that is important to them, to find people that "get them" or want to listen to them.

Just a case of "I can't find the relationship I want....so I'll settle for this small little fast food bit for now."


Couple reasons.
1. You don't feel the need to pair off, only mate and get someone pregnant. During that process you bond and stick around to help raise the kid.
2. Society and your mommy and your daddy and Disney taught you to pair off with one person forebber and ebber. Which unfortunately sometimes interferes with #1 because things don't always turn out the way you were taught to idealize.


Human beings are group animals.
Just like monkeys and horses.
Not to mention, you are never truly alone.
You go to the grocery store? You live in a neighborhood? You have access to the internet? The police?

IME when most people say "I am used to being alone" it usually means "I am used to having complete control over my environment and my own gratification with as little responsibility towards others that I can get away with, and my needs are met by trading money not social favors or upkeep, that way I don't have to acknowledge my emotional weaknesses. I have power. Power over my life. Power over me. And ultimately, power over you by being able to keep you at the distance I want you."


People that get used to being alone generally do so at a cost they don't realize they've paid. Not realizing what they've done until they start becoming too scared/insecure to be around other people, then they start rationalizing how much better it is to be alone, focusing on the flaws of other people.

I'm sitting here thinking about what you've said here. I've thought about the cost several times. Right now, I have my family. But by the law of numbers, it stands to reason I'm going to be the last one left. When that happens I will be alone completely. But at the same time I've also had to think about it like this, So far I have dated many women. And as I said above, So far every one of them were messed up one way or the other.

I don't know about anyone else. But as for me, I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. But, I also don't want to hitch my waggon to some woman that has messed up her life one way or the other and lives in constant drama. Or has a messed up family that is always causing friction or drama. To me, it just isn't worth it. It's a Sad truth, that's all I ever seem to find. It's usually their unruly, irritating kids. I say "kids" even though some of them were grown. And every now and then, The X husband that doesn't realize he has been divorced from her for 10 years. But still wants to stir shyt.
Being alone doesn't sound good. But it's better than that.