I have been married for 16yrs and it has been a hard time I have 4 children ranging from 5 to 15 3 girls and a boy. The relationship started with a chance encounter and I think I loved her as soon as I seen her. I was totally in love with her, she was my whole world I didn't even see another woman and it wasn't a decision I made it was like no other woman existed. She got pregnant we got married with in a week we had only been dating for around 10 months I had already proposed so we were to be married in September but we got married in January. I am around a year younger than her I was on my own at 17 she was still living with her mom and dad when I met her and they still took care of her insurance and they told her how to spend her money and so on and so forth. Before I met her I had a lot more sexual partners than she had but I didn't boast about it but I was proud I had never had to ask for a second piece of tail. I am not well endowed I am average where I excel is my attention for my partner I will not finish until my partner finishes at least once multipole times is what I go for. She destroyed my ego in short time. I had to beg her for sexual attention by the time she was in her first trimester. When she found out she was pregnant I was happy and smiling because I was going to bring life into this world with the woman of my dreams she was crying. I found out latter in our marriage that she resented me for "steeling her child hood" and that is why she treated me like **** for the first 3 years. Just before my daughters 3rd birthday I found out she was taking birth control when she had been acting and telling people we were trying to add to our family. The first 3 years of our marriage was plagued with frustration for me I wasn't married to her she was married to her parents and I was along for the ride. After I found out her lie I found out about a lot of lies and she had me to the point I didn't like her anymore but I was willing to keep the marriage for my little girl. She promised me she would quit taking the birth control so I took her at her word and for another 2 years she did not get pregnant. By this time I had had enough I hated her when I would think of having to be married to her for the rest of my life my stomach would turn and I am not being melodramatic I would get physically sick to my stomach from the thought. I started to wonder and think about divorce and I saved up some money in the mean time I had met a woman where I worked as soon as I knew what was going to happen I told my wife about her and I moved out not to mention I am a man of many words as you can tell I had been telling her I was unhappy for years. I started seeing the other woman while I rented a room off of my best friend. My wife did a complete flip she did everything I had been telling her about and after time she re won my heart so I broke it off with the other woman and moved back in with my wife not to mention as soon as she found out about the other woman and I was going to divorce her she was pregnant by the 3rd month. The only reason we were still having sex is because I am week and when I would go to see my daughter she would throw herself all over me. I didn't have the balls to tell her to stop I would try to turn it into something funny and brush her off but she wouldn't let go until I would start kissing her and I am a man I love to please her. Fast forward 5 years everything is going good in our marriage and family we now have 4 children ( from her wanting). There is nothing to give a sign something was wrong I would ask her if everything was ok and she would say yes. One night I get a text from my best friends wife asking why my wife was texting her husband about taking off his shirt. I ask my wife tell her we can work through anything as long as she is honest she admits they had been seeing each other for 2 months then nothing but lies start. After 2 years of questioning I finally get the whole story or at least that is what I am told. We go another 3 years and I fall and tear the muscles and ligaments in my left leg and am in the hospital for 10 days with an abbsess. While I'm in the hospital I get a call from my second oldest daughter "daddy do you know we are moving" my kids are my life. I ask my wife about it and she admits she is moving out and taking the kids with her this woman I have never hit or treated badly and have given her the benefit of the doubt when she lied and cheeted on me. I call her babydoll and beautiful and tell her every day how much I love her and need her and the kids. She moves into a house that one of her friends from work have set up for her I try to talk to her to try to find out how to fix this. I find out just yesterday that not only is she lieing to me about just needing time away and we will work everything out and for me to not do anything I would regret that my wife has been out on 3 dates with 2 guys from a dating website that she had met another in a parking lot but didn't go on the date because she thought he was ugly and has a boy "friend" that has given her a flat screen tv a wii my oldest daughter a lap top computer and has spent time with my children all while I sit at my sisters healing and thinking of the future. This is gonna sound ridicules but the thing that hurt the most out of all of this is I find out the reason we had not had sex in the last 3 months of our living together and now 5 months all together is because she bought herself a ***** the first one was my size now she is using one that is 8 1/2 inches long and is proud to tell me she uses all of it in the front and back. She has asked me to work this out with her that's how I found out what I have, I had told her I needed to know the truth and that is what she tells me. The new year is upon us and she has asked me to come over and stay the night from the 31st to the 1st and wants to be intimate and I want to but how am I to pleas her now I am no where near that big I am 6 inches how am I to compete with her toy can any woman tell me if you were using something like that would you even be able to be pleased by some one my size and if so can you tell me how that can be ?

I'm glad you didn't ask men to read this....
Holy cow dude, its damn hard to read with no paragraphs...
Anyway, welcome and good luck...

I was doing good with putting punctuation in most time I just write one big sentence but thanks for the look

I just read the last part man....
Its all about how you use it not the size of it....
Lots of foreplay....
Lots of teasing....
Be creative....
You will get this issue licked....
So to speak....

Take up the challenge.....
If you want to be with her....

Do yourself a favour and read the whole thing back but imagine it was me that posted it.

I am always sceptical when I see someone blaming their partner for everything while making themselves look like an angel.

I personally would have nothing but wonderful things to say about my ex, a great lady and a fantastic mother.

I'm just saying when there is a problem somewhere, it's always wise to look at yourself first.

one of the first things I do is look at myself I asked her to do couples counseling or to do counseling separately and she flat out said no

Thank you for the reply, I had always wanted to be the one to make her happy it brings me joy making her happy. Many times it would only be about her and that made me happy that is why I have such a hard time accepting it but hearing it from someone who knows and can explain it as you did helps, thank you again

I honestly wouldn't bother trying to please her.
If everything you have said is true (given I have only heard one side of the story) why would you want to be part of a manipulative relationship?

I agree with the girls on here, toys and experimenting are more fun with a partner than on your own.

However, after reading your book...I don't think that is the real issue here. You seem to be latching on to one thing. Why didn't you just say, my partner has toys, how do I compete? Instead you gave us your back ground, your life history - therefore there is more to this issue than the toys!

Read it back to yourself. Take note of the points at which you cringe, or any thoughts you have such as "I shouldn't have said it that way" or whatever. If you do that honestly, I think you will find your own answers.

All the best. x

Frankly with all the manipulation and lies, I would be suspicious of her motives in wanting you to come over, stay and be intimate. I would want a pregnancy test to make sure she wasn't already pregnant and was hoping to make you think it was yours. After her behavior she should be willing to do this as proof of her sincerity. You clearly care deeply for this woman, but think wisely and with your eyes open.

He got married at 17, she got pregnant at 18.
After 16 years they now have 4 kids; from 5 to 15
Now she has a toy.

So what was the problem? Ah yes, he wants to please her.
So? Give her a better toy.
I hear about toys with recorders in, saying pleasing things.

As for the kids, I find this generation more informed, well ahead
learning more from failed models; growing to be real characters.

But at 15, a daughter needs her father more than ever, I think.
Therein lays the complication.

So ladies don't you see he's being blackmailed into pleasing?

Dude
Kick her to the curb.
You deserve better.
How long are you going to go on for?

Be there for your kids yes but not for her pleasure. Buy her another toy and tell gosh I hope this will do the trick because mine is for someone else who appreciate it.

..cause mine has lost a main spring.
Then if she truly cares..
haha, too late its already 1st here.
Happy New Year to you all.

Thank you for the response, the one good thing about going over during the new year was that if something happened she couldn't claim that. After we had our youngest we had been talking and we decided to go for 6 children rather than 4. She got pregnant again but she is a diabetic and she didn't watch her counts and lost the baby ( the doctor said her counts being so high was the likely culprit ) so we talked again and decided we were happy with 4. She was thinking about getting her tubes tied but instead I offered to get clipped so she wouldn't have to go through the pain of a procedure. Wasn't a year latter she messed around.

I thank you for your impute and concern for my children we do not fight or argue in front of our children. I do admit to making poor judgement calls when it comes to my wife but never in the way I treat her. Before I got to the point of hating her I talked to her every day about what was missing in our relationship. She never talked to me or let me know she was unhappy and that is what blew my mind I felt like I got hit by a bus. My number one priority is how my children perceive our relationship and that they feel love and support from both of us. I cant say I know how this is going to work out or how its effecting them. I can only pray God watches over them in my absence and helps them to understand so they don't grow up and make bad decisions. I came from a broken home and remember my mother having different men in our lives. Every time she seemed steady and we had a home she would break it off. I think that's where my devotion to trying to make this work comes from. I don't want my children growing up in a house like that

Thank you for the kind words but just as my mother, my sister, & our friends would tell me stuff she would say and do behind my back. I chose to go on not believing them, she would look into my eyes and deny and call them liars. They were just trying to start stuff between us and I believed her up to and including loosing relationships. I will try to be strong but I don't know if I can be that strong. Thank you again and hope you had a good new years.

Right. So, she treats you like that, and you're letting her. Listen, I'm in no way trying to tell you what to do, but if you even feel a TINY bit of hurt and anger, I wouldn't be that surprised. Let's be realistic, when we leave a lover, the thing we're afraid of the most, is that they might have sex with someone new. I suppose that's what's stopping you from leaving her. If you don't leave her, at least make her sweat. Tell her that a really attractive woman wanted you to go back to her place, and then some. But then, that's just stupid, because after she's been manipulating you, she's still really secure, because she has you where she wants you. I'd try backing off a bit. Even if you're lying, tell her that you made some new friend, at wherever you go by yourself, and when she starts being all selfish, you should make excuses to leave. If you won't change your life, no-one else will do it for you. I understand you don't want to make the move, of leaving her, but I digress. What ARE you meant to do?

tough for a guy to start a deep game
not when the woman is the mother of his 4 kids.
and she knows it.
in that sense it's now for "better or for worns".

This is all weird.

IMO get a shrink
Get away from that woman
Stop asking women what they think
(Including your relatives)
Get some guy friends & man up

Geez

Ok, I'm going to be the a-hole here. Take out the fluff, and leave the 'facts' that have been given.

She cheated on you...but it seems only AFTER you cheated on her...but somehow you feel justified in your cheating because 'you told her before, and moved out'..but let's dissect shall we...



The only reason I'm quoting any of this B.S is because it kind of shows you view yourself as some sort of 'sex master' or guru, god whatever, so when someone doesn't see it the same, it hurts...honestly more than it should.

The is made more clear by


(which mind you was during her pregnancy, it's not like pregnancy affects hormones or anything...she was just obviously a manipulative 'so and so')

but let's go on shall we,



So newly married, young, with a kid and marriage is hard..in-laws suck, so rocky start...many marriages are...you either weather the storm, or pull into port and abandon ship....

but it seems even with all the issues you still want to add another kid into an already unstable relationship...i'm sure your wife could feel this, probably put up a front around other people, pretending everything was alright, but it seems she didn't want another kid(if she did...she wouldn't have been taken the pill)..but for some reason you do, and are upset that she doesn't agree...

Honestly...at this point...i think your wife was the smarter one.

but let's continue..


Again mad that you two are on separate pages because you want one, she doesn't...and it upsets you obviously enough to CHOOSE to hurt her,



But some how this affair was a 'good thing' because your wife did a complete flip...and 'won' you back...and in process became pregnant with another child...

But then later you get mad at your wife for 'cheating' on you...you did same thing even though you may not look at that way.

But now after all this craziness, you are worried about competing with a *****...umm here's my advice.

Stop focusing on sex as the only/most important aspect of a relationship, sex isn't the cause for your issues, and it sure as heck won't be the remedy, you could have a schlong like Lexington Steele and it wouldn't help.


If you really want to work things out with your wife, don't sleep with her...that's right don't.

Take her out, do some activities that don't end up with you and her back at her place or yours, fall in love with each other again, and remind yourself why you married her in the first place(hopefully it wasn't just because she was good in bed).

While I was reading this, I had about 10 responses/advices to give, but I read till the end. All you wanted to know was how to please her in bed! Why did you go through that whole story? I wasted about 20 minutes out of my life. You can please her by telling her to find a new man.