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| Topic: What do you guys need from us when ... | |
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you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated?
Not because of something we did! This has me sort of puzzled, so I'd love some serious feedback from you men! The scenario being ... you are telling us what has happened, why you're upset etc. In that case, what do you need from your woman? -Do we just listen? -Do you want our advise? -Do you want us to help find a solution? -Can we kiss and hug you, or does that feel like emasculating and smothering? In short: what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. 
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for me it's someone to listen and say some things to make me feel better.
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you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Not because of something we did! This has me sort of puzzled, so I'd love some serious feedback from you men! The scenario being ... you are telling us what has happened, why you're upset etc. In that case, what do you need from your woman? -Do we just listen? -Do you want our advise? -Do you want us to help find a solution? -Can we kiss and hug you, or does that feel like emasculating and smothering? In short: what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. The question is too general and there is not a single answer that is appropriate as its situation specific... |
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think its maybe just to let off steam
to vent like a pressure cooker I ask questions to clarify and understand never try to give advice unless asked |
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It's pretty simple, just agree with us... that's it
And a blowjob! 
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It's pretty simple, just agree with us... that's it And a blowjob! because, ya, a blowjob cures all ills.. 
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It's pretty simple, just agree with us... that's it And a blowjob! because, ya, a blowjob cures all ills.. We're not ill, in this case, we just pizzed  Do you want to hear what men need or no?  
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for me it's someone to listen and say some things to make me feel better. Thank you for your feedback!
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you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Not because of something we did! This has me sort of puzzled, so I'd love some serious feedback from you men! The scenario being ... you are telling us what has happened, why you're upset etc. In that case, what do you need from your woman? -Do we just listen? -Do you want our advise? -Do you want us to help find a solution? -Can we kiss and hug you, or does that feel like emasculating and smothering? In short: what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. The question is too general and there is not a single answer that is appropriate as its situation specific... I understand, but if I'd list all options I can think of ... Feel free to give an example! |
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think its maybe just to let off steam to vent like a pressure cooker I ask questions to clarify and understand never try to give advice unless asked Yeah, in a way that's what I would think too. Although -depending on what's happened etc.- I do know I can have the instinctive reaction to hug and hold him. And I don't think men really appreciate that, but I'm not sure. |
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you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Not because of something we did! This has me sort of puzzled, so I'd love some serious feedback from you men! The scenario being ... you are telling us what has happened, why you're upset etc. In that case, what do you need from your woman? -Do we just listen? -Do you want our advise? -Do you want us to help find a solution? -Can we kiss and hug you, or does that feel like emasculating and smothering? In short: what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. I would give the same as what I would want in this situation. I do not expect my problem(s) to be solved, I don't need to be saved... I merely want someone to listen, to be completely present and hear me. For me, it's truly that simple. If I'm asked for my thoughts and opinions I will share, but I really don't think in this situation, that's what any of us want. We just want to let it out and be heard. Then again... what in the HELL do I know? |
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Different Men need different things and also it depends on his age and experience.
But hugging always works in any situation. You need to know what kind of guy and what is the issue exactly 1. Work pressure or fight or small to medium issues can be solved using kissing, hugging and love display (blowjob, lap dance, etc) 2. Bigger issues like family, disputes, death, etc requires more of listening and hugging even consoling in some situations. 3. Serious issues like bankrupt, disease, death in family, etc requires support and advice (only if he is okay with it please don`t throw free advises) |
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Edited by
Aksnowbird
on
Wed 01/20/16 11:27 AM
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you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Not because of something we did! This has me sort of puzzled, so I'd love some serious feedback from you men! The scenario being ... you are telling us what has happened, why you're upset etc. In that case, what do you need from your woman? -Do we just listen? -Do you want our advise? -Do you want us to help find a solution? -Can we kiss and hug you, or does that feel like emasculating and smothering? In short: what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. That depends on the circumstances... Listen first, all situations are different. Could be just explaining what happened, it helps to talk to someone. Doesn't hurt to ask if we need advise or help. Sometimes 2 heads are better then one. As for a hug or kiss, well that would depend on the situation again. But usually a hug never hurts. |
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What do you guys need from us when... you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Healthy emotional cues normal to you. If we're all freaking out, and that freaks you out wondering what to do, then it's just going to exacerbate the problem. If we're all freaking out, and you aren't reacting at all, trying to control your reactions, it's going to come across as distancing, pulling away, exacerbating the problem. If you act normally, we'll take the cue and start acting normally in response. We need you to act normal. To respond how you would naturally and organically. Then your body language is familiar. what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. For you to have heard us the entirety of our relationship, so this isn't that big of deal, and to use common sense in light of that. |
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Edited by
IgorFrankensteen
on
Wed 01/20/16 06:17 PM
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Most important thing I want from my mate: show me that you believe in me.
The reason why hugs and sympathy sometimes backfires, is because it can come off as a declaration that I can't cut it. That I need sympathy because I'm weak, or incompetent or otherwise less than what I need to be. Telling me that I'll feel better if I communicate more might be accurate, but the subtext message super-glued directly to that statement, is "you aren't smart enough/strong enough/grown up enough/respected enough by me to choose for yourself, how to deal with your own emotions." If I'm still trying to figure out why I'm upset, demanding that I talk it out immediately can make my work much harder. Not only do I have to battle through the problem I'm trying to deal with, to get to my mental "explanation workbench" so I can answer your demand for instant results, I also have to add another item to my future "to-do" list: back out the INCORRECT statement I'm about to be forced to give you (not because I'm dishonest, but because I have to guess at this point), and try to repair all the confusion my instant erroneous guess is going to cause between us. So keep the hugs ready, but if someone tells you they want to work things out themselves, try allowing them to do it. Show confidence that they can, while remaining available if they call. And as someone already said, everyone is different, so this is just part of what I've been through, not saying it's the be all end all. |
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depends on the man
also on the kind of relationship you have what level of intimacy you are at for instance, if it were my brother or one of my sons I would let him know I am here if he wants to talk when he is ready if not..that is ok too always give a hug, kiss on head, and an " I love you" if it were a man that I was dating so much depends on his comfort level |
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This is a great topic! I think I prefer to listen to the guys on this one. I am sure I will learn alot
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Man (human) is a bundle of mistakes. This goes for both the genders. But, what you want to know depends upon the situation. Otherwise, in general, everyone (weather a man or woman) wants to be heard with patience and RESPECT. There is a word "empathy". This lies in the core of every situation. To the Listner, it should be a empathetic listening but not Sympathetic one. Because in symathy you sometimes hurt the feelings without understanding the situation and giving any resolution to that. I am not gender biased. Everyone in this world is stubborn. Including me. So don't worry be happy. Life is very short no re-takes. Live life large.
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What do you guys need from us when... you are very upset, angry, hurt, frustrated? Healthy emotional cues normal to you. If we're all freaking out, and that freaks you out wondering what to do, then it's just going to exacerbate the problem. If we're all freaking out, and you aren't reacting at all, trying to control your reactions, it's going to come across as distancing, pulling away, exacerbating the problem. If you act normally, we'll take the cue and start acting normally in response. We need you to act normal. To respond how you would naturally and organically. Then your body language is familiar. what would you need from us in order to feel heard, not emasculated etc. For you to have heard us the entirety of our relationship, so this isn't that big of deal, and to use common sense in light of that. Thank you for your feedback! Makes sense :)
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Most important thing I want from my mate: show me that you believe in me. The reason why hugs and sympathy sometimes backfires, is because it can come off as a declaration that I can't cut it. That I need sympathy because I'm weak, or incompetent or otherwise less than what I need to be. Telling me that I'll feel better if I communicate more might be accurate, but the subtext message super-glued directly to that statement, is "you aren't smart enough/strong enough/grown up enough/respected enough by me to choose for yourself, how to deal with your own emotions." If I'm still trying to figure out why I'm upset, demanding that I talk it out immediately can make my work much harder. Not only do I have to battle through the problem I'm trying to deal with, to get to my mental "explanation workbench" so I can answer your demand for instant results, I also have to add another item to my future "to-do" list: back out the INCORRECT statement I'm about to be forced to give you (not because I'm dishonest, but because I have to guess at this point), and try to repair all the confusion my instant erroneous guess is going to cause between us. So keep the hugs ready, but if someone tells you they want to work things out themselves, try allowing them to do it. Show confidence that they can, while remaining available if they call. And as someone already said, everyone is different, so this is just part of what I've been through, not saying it's the be all end all. Thank you! Very insightful.
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