Have you ever been in Love With Someone You Couldn't Have?

Falling in love isn't a timetable event,

No.

I've been highly attracted to and lusted after people that didn't return my affection, or were in social situations where it would cause too many problems and harm to reciprocate.

I've been highly attracted to and lusted after people I've idealized without knowing who they really are (e.g. Drew Barrymore).


It kind of is.
It's a process.
It's just not an exact timetable.
There's some wiggle room.
Starts with initial attraction, becomes lust, that turns to pair bonding attachment.

Takes a few months.

Falling in love is easy.

It does require reciprocating behavior (that's highly dependent upon clear communication to understand it as such) to achieve.

The hard part is completely changing your life to accommodate and support it. People abhor change. It's scary.

Sometimes that's the reason people believe they actually "loved someone we can't or couldn't have."
It's a safe relationship.
There's no real danger of having to actually change.
You get to play the victim.
You get to live in fantasy land of "if only," or, "what if."
It's titillating to stimulate the glands that begin the love process.
Similar to when children yell "poo poo pee pee," and then run away giggling. Or fantasizing "I coulda been a contendah!"

But it's not really "loving" someone you couldn't have.
It's mental and emotional masturbation at best to believe you do love what you can't have.

Timing is....everything.

Have you ever been in Love With Someone You Couldn't Have?

I think that we all have loved someone we can't or couldn't have at one time in our life, whether by our choice or theirs.
Falling in love isn't a timetable event, it just happens and we have no control over our emotions at the time.
How do you feel about this and has it happened to you as it has to so many of us in the past?

You can help who you fall in love with, despite popular belief.


You may not be able to help who stimulates your dopamine reaponse causing you to 'get butterflies' but that isn't love, love is a choice that you can constantly choose and work at, problem is people are lazy, and want to say things like "can't help who you fall in love with' thereby shifting personal responsibility away from them.

yesss, and it feels suck when you see he or she dating someone else

Apart from puppy love -which is basically idolisation-, no, don't think so.

Lusting after
Drooling over
Attracted to
Fantasized about
Hell yes! But that's not love.

I totally agree with Ciretom, I don't think it's really love

I fell in love very deeply some years ago with someone who didnt feel the same way about me. It was very painful at the time , but it worked out for the best.

He and I had incompatible goals in life which I know could have worked against us in the long run but I think I loved him so much at the time that I didnt care.

But he and I are great friends today so I dont really feel like I lost out in retrospect.

I agree with the other respondents . Most of what people think is love is actually infatuation

No. I've only been love with someone I'm with

Yes. I did.
In my case, it's always their choice. Lol
Then, after a while, i realized that maybe relationships like that are somewhat not meant for me.
Maybe I am luckier and more capable with career. Hahaha

You sound like a wonderful young lady and I am sure the right one will be along sweeping you off your feet for a lifetime of bliss for you both

Anyways, I am silently hoping that someone will come along.
Someone who will bring out the utmost love I can feel for a guy.

ahhh...let me think about this one

on another site
where I used to be active in one of the forums
there was a poster
and we would give each other a hard time
joke around, banter back and forth

well then we began harmless little messages
here and there
maybe making a comment about what someone had said
that could not be said on the thread

asking each other what ya doing

"in the car boozo quit texting me"
called each other by our 1st initials

I was in the process of my divorce
had moved in with my brother
and was dealing with my soon to be ex
the lawyer and the discovery that my brother
was a raging full blown alcoholic

he was dealing with a company turn over
the possibility of losing his job
or relocating
and the fact that he had been living
with a woman with two kids for four years
knowing he was not in love with her

we became strongly connected
texted, called each other

talked about what it would be like
if he wasn't living with her
if I wasn't tied to this state
because that was where my kids live

he admitted that he felt like he might be in love with me

I ended it..for his sake
for he was still attached
and it was not fair to her

Infatuation can be as deep as love and for many it is love and can hurt just as bad. Glad you got over it and turned out to be the fine lady you are to day