Turns out my 'long lost love'.. is shy.
Now I'm reading up on that.. try to help him out of that a bit, bring him out of his shyness (with me)..and I'm a believer in talking and saying what you want..so we'll see how that goes, lol..
I've already shocked him with my forthwardness..

ohh.. !turns out I'm really shy as well...
Maybe you can get me to open up with some of your forwardness as well... be gentle... mybe turn the lights down low might help..lol

One suggestion..Alcohol..JK

I grew up as a shy person. I am really introverted, and it's not the same thing. I'm able to be social for a short amount of time. It really drains me.

I think I might ply him with whisky one night..do some digging!

"Shyness" is another one of those labels which is deceptive in application.

I'm technically an "ex-shy" person in many ways, but I am still a VERY shy person in some others.

Some people that are labeled as "shy," are actually more accurately labeled as AGORAPHOBIC, for example. They aren't actually "shy," at all, they just get freaked out and anxious in wide open places, so they SEEM shy.

Sociopaths and other mentally unhinged or ill people often get labeled as "shy," but they really aren't shy either.

I used to be shy, due to a combination of accidental training, and an incredible coincidental sequence of very bad luck.

I also suffered tremendously from having a larger than usual vocabulary, which believe it or not, was actually a social handicap when I was young. It had the result that I always heard what people actually SAID, but missed what they MEANT to say, and so thought I was being chastised or repbuffed all the time, when I was not.

Is that what you want? A project? What do you want out of the relationship? Short term fun, relive youth, something long term?

If you "help" him with shyness, will that change him?
If that changes him, is he still going to be the same guy that is your "long lost love?"

Does he really want you to help him? Or is he a "nice" shy guy that tells you what you want to hear because he's too shy and nice to tell you the truth?

Do you think it's possible that shyness is just another ploy?
Kinda like "nice guys?"
Where "nice guys" subconsciously adopt the facade of being a "nice guy" as a means to protect a "good" image and rationalize bad behavior? "I'm a nice guy, I'm a gentleman, I'm not like the trash that uses women, like a player, or tries to nail them on the first date, or tells them what they want to hear. I back up what I say, I am nice so I get niceness back, I wait a month until we're both 'ready,' it's just coincidence that all my relationships tend to fall apart right after we first start having sex."

So a "shy" guy is "shy" because they are insecure and need the woman to chase them, to fix them, to be their white knight, to feel valued and loved, because they don't understand "normal" communication that expresses such things?

If he's a "shy" guy now, at the very beginning of dating and a relationship, and you don't want to change him, and he can barely handle this...how is his shyness going to handle even stronger emotions, or more rapidly changing situations reliant upon each other?

Could something else be going on that he, or you, are simply calling "shyness?"
Like he's never had a serious, deeply committed, strong communication based relationship, just kinda found someone that stuck around, so he's not really "shy" he's just out of his depth and has no idea how to handle the emotions and interaction of something meaningful and serious?
In essence dating a teenager with all these new emotions they can't process so "shy" away from them?


How has that worked out for you in general, especially with online dating, when guys "shocked" you with their forwardness (forthwardness?)...did that lead to valuable relationships and continued interaction?

When I go out, I really have to force myself. I'd rather stay home and read or watch tv alone.

I used to be shy before, I grew up being tagged at home and by my friends as "laon" in our dialect , which means like an old maid. But when I started to work after college I have developed my social/communication skills, I was exposed to different kinds of people and finally I got over my shyness, also I have learned from the church where I was active before that i should be more open to people, let go of my inhibitions and just let down my barrier, have an honest conversation, make a sincere connection by showing genuine interest in their lives or them as a person , knowing there wants , needs, likes or interests. With that, I was amazed at how my life changed for I gained many friends.

I remember one of my suitors before , he was really shy , when he was in front of me he couldn't talk which he admitted to me , and sometimes he said he drinks alcohol so he will have the guts to face me it's OK with me as long as he is not too drunk. What I did was I made him feel comfortable first by leading the conversation, I kept talking and talking made some jokes made him feel at home. I tried to encourage him to open up about himself . Show real interest about him as a person, get to know him deeply, keep on asking questions. You will never run out of questions if you really want to know more about him because he will have so much to tell you too. And if you get tired of talking find a game that you could both play like cards, boardgames or ask him what game does he like or maybe watch a movie of his interest and yours, find a common ground. Or maybe if you wanna invite him for a dinner , you could ask him to help you cook or assist you in the kitchen, that would help you both become more closer You will be surprised he'll gradually open up to you , loosen his tight nerves and he'll feel comfortable with your company, that you will win a friend at the end not just a boyfriend

I would say sometimes being too forward with a shy guy may make him feel uncomfortable and he would feel the need to withdraw. Some do shrink when a woman overpowers/overwhelms a man by her straightforwardness......a little finesse, smooth and easy conversation that wouldn't shock him coz maybe he's not used to it goodluck Rustykitty! Time to rub off the rusts, and let the kitten meow or growl

Shy men can make great lovers accordingly. They are loyal, trustful and will keep you happy.. love to find one lol
Best of luck, Kitty

Absolutely. The challenge, is figuring out and recognizing that we like you!

My understanding is that shyness is an involuntary strategy to buy time to sus out an unknown situation.

Obviously a useful and effective strategy.

Its so useful it can become a habit

It can also become an effective voluntary choice as well

Understanding what it is that is unknown and therefore threatening in any situation would be key to find the understanding that will alleviate shyness.

Shyness is a healthy response as long as it is serving a useful purpose.

Of course there are lots of other strategies that may be superior at different times

I was a shy child..what? I was


stil am kind of quiet in real life



so I would suggest giving him some time


to warm up to you


maybe he will open up

He is the one who has labelled himself as shy... I've only spent a couple days with him, so I'm just getting to know him.. He has said he is lonely, I've been in his home... he needs a woman in his life (it just might NOT be me).. but I am willing to start being a friend and get him out of his rut and do things with him. He is small town/rural; never travelled far from home; he's 65 years old and never had a BJ (imagine that!).
I believe he's not been in a serious COMMUNICATION based relationship, although was married over 20 years ago and has 2 grown children..
His shyness is about sex and talking about ones 'feelings'... groan.
We've got 40 years of stories to tell each other and to catch up on and query each other..I'll find out where he's been and more importantly, where he wants to go.

Aawww ... This sounds really cute Rustykitty.

Its gratifying introducing people to new and exciting experiences if they are open to it.

And its very inspirational to the "student" embarking on all these GRADUAL new adventures.

I don't know if this will turn into a romance or not, but I think you guys catching up will be super fun. Enjoy it and good luck!

I'm too shy to even say what I want here so I'll just go back to my room and be quiet

Don't you worry...I am waiting there inside so you can just whisper it to me then

I'm shy with men and I can tell you that for me it's all about trust. Once I'm comfortable and feel 'safe' I can let them see the real me.

If I have any doubt whatsoever that 'he' isn't being honest with me? Playing a game? Not sincere? I'm long gone.

Just allow him time to know that you're sincere and that you believe he's worth the effort and see what happens from there.

As for the talking and saying what you want? Being shy doesn't mean we don't or won't. It just means we'll wait a little while before we do.

I can only speak for myself when I say this would be a big fat no no.