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| Topic: keeping your options open | |
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I always assumed that once you start seeing someone then that was it, anything else is off limits.
Let's say I started seeing someone called Julie and Julie calls and asks if I fancy a drink at the weekend. What am I supposed to say 'oh sorry, can't make it, I have another date' All a bit much if you ask me. |
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The way I understand the OP. Unless the couple has decided to be mutually exclusive in dating each other. Then both people may have their options open to date other people. I don't see why this is such a hard concept to understand. Way to go...I had the same understanding as well with what the OP posted. I could not imagine it could be this complicated...geezzzz... If I dated No. 1 today and the date was over, would I know all about him after the 1st date? and here comes date No. 2 who asks me out for a coffee, should I turn him down coz I had a date already with No. 1 and I don't even know if when we will have our 2nd date, IF, there will be a 2nd date, lolzzz. Should my first date be a "Love At First Sight?" (I could have been blinded  ). Not unless we're into several conversations already and exchanging I Love You's then I can consider myself exclusive but still it is not the parameter for turning down somebody who wants to treat me out (I still call it a Friendly Date) but getting romantically involved is not a good idea and the other party must know that you already have a boyfriend or special someone, so he knows where he stands. |
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Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Im now seeing something in the OP that I didnt see before. If both parties agree on optioning, but only one person ends up optioning while the other is choosing to be monogamous , then one is more invested in the process and is more vulnerable to getting hurt. If it is established through discusions that one person is more invested than the other, then it may really be detrimental to the monogamous one to continue any further. This isnt so much a thread about open options, as it is about open honest communication and two people being on the same page. |
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Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Im now seeing something in the OP that I didnt see before. If both parties agree on optioning, but only one person ends up optioning while the other is choosing to be monogamous , then one is more invested in the process and is more vulnerable to getting hurt. If it is established through discusions that one person is more invested than the other, then it may really be detrimental to the monogamous one to continue any further. This isnt so much a thread about open options, as it is about open honest communication and two people being on the same page. Was being practiced from both parties.. Once your physical with someone intimate the decision to be with them has being made... unless the relationship was purely based on the physical to begin with... but one or both parties are truly seeking something a little deeper.. but aren't quite sure yet.. if they can get from the other person what they truly need.. A little fence-sitting..... Or that coming to terms with in bracing the whole person for good or bad better or worse... as we get older being in a relationship becomes more complicated there's much more moving parts |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Sun 03/26/17 11:15 AM
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..well.. yes but I would hope you would assume that Monogamy.. Was being practiced from both parties.. Once your physical with someone intimate the decision to be with them has being made... If after sleeping with each other, only one person has chosen to be monogamous, and the other still feels a compulsion to option, then clearly one person has invested their body and their heart in the process, and the optioning person has only invested a small portion of themselves Those two people are fundamentally not on the same page, and the monogamous person has alot more to lose since all of their heart and body is invested, while the other person 's is not. There is nothing wrong with a couple leaving their options open, but its lonely and unfair if one person is anchored to their partner , while the partner is playing the field, and having the time of their lives optioning. |
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..well.. yes but I would hope you would assume that Monogamy.. Was being practiced from both parties.. Once your physical with someone intimate the decision to be with them has being made... If after sleeping with each other, only one person has chosen to be monogamous, and the other still feels a compulsion to option, then clearly one person has invested their body and their heart in the process, and the optioning person has only invested a small portion of themselves I might sound very old-fashion, but why should I go to bed with someone I'm not even in love with? Well, my body isn't for share just for passer-byes. And also my mind. |
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..well.. yes but I would hope you would assume that Monogamy.. Was being practiced from both parties.. Once your physical with someone intimate the decision to be with them has being made... If after sleeping with each other, only one person has chosen to be monogamous, and the other still feels a compulsion to option, then clearly one person has invested their body and their heart in the process, and the optioning person has only invested a small portion of themselves I might sound very old-fashion, but why should I go to bed with someone I'm not even in love with? Well, my body isn't for share just for passer-byes. And also my mind. Everyone has their own value system about sex sipsik. One guy told me that when he sleeps with a woman he is dating, it is not a sign of growing feelings. It is merely to determine sexual compatibility , before he thinks about exploring any emotional investment. There are many who share his belief. It's not important whether that belief is advisable or not. What matters is that individuals look for mates who reciprocate their romantic feelings/commitment, and who share compatible values, goals and hopefully lifestyles |
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..well.. yes but I would hope you would assume that Monogamy.. Was being practiced from both parties.. Once your physical with someone intimate the decision to be with them has being made... If after sleeping with each other, only one person has chosen to be monogamous, and the other still feels a compulsion to option, then clearly one person has invested their body and their heart in the process, and the optioning person has only invested a small portion of themselves I might sound very old-fashion, but why should I go to bed with someone I'm not even in love with? Well, my body isn't for share just for passer-byes. And also my mind. Everyone has their own value system about sex sipsik. One guy told me that when he sleeps with a woman he is dating, it is not a sign of growing feelings. It is merely to determine sexual compatibility , before he thinks about exploring any emotional investment. There are many who share his belief. It's not important whether that belief is advisable or not. What matters is that individuals look for mates who reciprocate their romantic feelings/commitment, and who share compatible values, goals and hopefully lifestyles I totally agree with you! I'm just expressing my thoughts and values. Who am I to say to others what is right and what is wrong. |
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communication is always important
I am usually under an 'assumption' that there is no exclusivity unless expresssly communicated, UNTIL a sexual relationship occurs for me, there is going to be no sexual relationship without the commitment of exclusivity but, just online communications? I expect them to have ,know, and communicate with others, and I suppose I assume they are expecting the same. |
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I remember the olden days when the course was simple to follow, dating -> going steady -> engagement -> marriage. Extreme happiness -> Happiness -> happy -> H A P P Y http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOy7EZ27s7k 
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Mon 03/27/17 03:21 AM
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Ok.. I say and hear this a lot.. From people that are dating casually but looking for something serious long term... Now is it appropriate well seeing somebody and getting to know them to be also seeing other people at the same time.... or as an example let's say you're seeing somebody offline right now but you keep your profile online still running... basically keeping your options open.... Some believe once you meet someone and start seeing them.. dating them casually however... you should not have your interest anywhere else. Some believe if you're just dating casually but looking for long term.. It's quite alright to keep dating other people.. keeping your options open.. Now is this a form of sitting on the fence?.. Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Firstly I feel a bit weird dating multiple people... but at the same time I don't want to close off any option of meeting the right person while I'm entertaining or dating what .could be the wrong person... If that makes sense? You answer it yourself: It is stringing someone along. Is that unfair? Hell yes. "But she said it was okay and she understood?" Err... women are different from men, they DO grow attached regardless. And even if she says she understands, she won't, because she's a woman and doesn't work that way herself. Because she's wired differently. So she will still think and hope and expect you to be or become serious about her, especially if you keep dating her. Even more so if you take it to the next level and have sex with her. Women bond through sex. Men don't, women do. To be honest, you're just using this woman/women to keep you company, to not get lonely, and likely to get sex. Is that unfair? Hell yes! Simply put, as long as you are afraid that if you commit you'll miss out on something better, you are NOT ready to commit. All your questions on here reflect that, although I do feel the fact that you do begin to question your own motivations is a step forward. Keep at it, you'll get there eventually. Just please try not to hurt too many women in the process. Because, no, that is not fair, not nice.  . . . |
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Ok.. I say and hear this a lot.. From people that are dating casually but looking for something serious long term... Now is it appropriate well seeing somebody and getting to know them to be also seeing other people at the same time.... or as an example let's say you're seeing somebody offline right now but you keep your profile online still running... basically keeping your options open.... Some believe once you meet someone and start seeing them.. dating them casually however... you should not have your interest anywhere else. Some believe if you're just dating casually but looking for long term.. It's quite alright to keep dating other people.. keeping your options open.. Now is this a form of sitting on the fence?.. Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Firstly I feel a bit weird dating multiple people... but at the same time I don't want to close off any option of meeting the right person while I'm entertaining or dating what .could be the wrong person... If that makes sense? You answer it yourself: It is stringing someone along. Is that unfair? Hell yes. "But she said it was okay and she understood?" Err... women are different from men, they DO grow attached regardless. And even if she says she understands, she won't, because she's a woman and doesn't work that way herself. Because she's wired differently. So she will still think and hope and expect you to be or become serious about her, especially if you keep dating her. Even more so if you take it to the next level and have sex with her. Women bond through sex. Men don't, women do. To be honest, you're just using this woman/women to keep you company, to not get lonely, and likely to get sex. Is that unfair? Hell yes! Simply put, as long as you are afraid that if you commit you'll miss out on something better, you are NOT ready to commit. All your questions on here reflect that, although I do feel the fact that you do begin to question your own motivations is a step forward. Keep at it, you'll get there eventually. Just please try not to hurt too many women in the process. Because, no, that is not fair, not nice. . . .  Well said and so true about women, at least this one.
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I have been in some relationships with the wrong people by being exclusive. If you're up front that you want to date different people and you don't want to commit, I see nothing wrong with it. Take your time and really get to know someone first. If the other person doesn't like that you don't want to commit, they have the option to stop talking to you at any time! Good luck in finding the right one!
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 03/27/17 04:44 PM
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Ok.. I say and hear this a lot.. From people that are dating casually but looking for something serious long term... Now is it appropriate well seeing somebody and getting to know them to be also seeing other people at the same time.... or as an example let's say you're seeing somebody offline right now but you keep your profile online still running... basically keeping your options open.... Some believe once you meet someone and start seeing them.. dating them casually however... you should not have your interest anywhere else. Some believe if you're just dating casually but looking for long term.. It's quite alright to keep dating other people.. keeping your options open.. Now is this a form of sitting on the fence?.. Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Firstly I feel a bit weird dating multiple people... but at the same time I don't want to close off any option of meeting the right person while I'm entertaining or dating what .could be the wrong person... If that makes sense? You answer it yourself: It is stringing someone along. Is that unfair? Hell yes. "But she said it was okay and she understood?" Err... women are different from men, they DO grow attached regardless. And even if she says she understands, she won't, because she's a woman and doesn't work that way herself. Because she's wired differently. So she will still think and hope and expect you to be or become serious about her, especially if you keep dating her. Even more so if you take it to the next level and have sex with her. Women bond through sex. Men don't, women do. To be honest, you're just using this woman/women to keep you company, to not get lonely, and likely to get sex. Is that unfair? Hell yes! Simply put, as long as you are afraid that if you commit you'll miss out on something better, you are NOT ready to commit. All your questions on here reflect that, although I do feel the fact that you do begin to question your own motivations is a step forward. Keep at it, you'll get there eventually. Just please try not to hurt too many women in the process. Because, no, that is not fair, not nice. . . . |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 03/27/17 04:49 PM
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I have been in some relationships with the wrong people by being exclusive. If you're up front that you want to date different people and you don't want to commit, I see nothing wrong with it. Take your time and really get to know someone first. If the other person doesn't like that you don't want to commit, they have the option to stop talking to you at any time! Good luck in finding the right one! Exactly there is a time limit of course you can't drag this out forever.. when real feelings and emotions become involved and of course you cannot be sleeping with each other well dating other people.. or sleeping with other people.. this is strictly a let's find out if we're a match ..but I'm going to keep my options open.. arrangement..hmmm.. okay we might sleep with each other just to make sure we're fit in that aspect as well..lol |
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If I am dating someone I like I have no desire to look elsewhere.I am a one man woman |
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Is makes little sense to commit until both agree and as for stringing along no one is obligated to do anything other than not have the social skills to manage dating or finding someone to teach these needed social skills...
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Ok.. I say and hear this a lot.. From people that are dating casually but looking for something serious long term... Now is it appropriate well seeing somebody and getting to know them to be also seeing other people at the same time.... or as an example let's say you're seeing somebody offline right now but you keep your profile online still running... basically keeping your options open.... Some believe once you meet someone and start seeing them.. dating them casually however... you should not have your interest anywhere else. Some believe if you're just dating casually but looking for long term.. It's quite alright to keep dating other people.. keeping your options open.. Now is this a form of sitting on the fence?.. Is it unfair to be stringing the other person a long while you keep looking.. Even know you explained your position to them clearly.. and they say they're okay with that they understand... Firstly I feel a bit weird dating multiple people... but at the same time I don't want to close off any option of meeting the right person while I'm entertaining or dating what .could be the wrong person... If that makes sense? Some people who are married seem to want to "keep their options open". Sad to say that it appears that these days commitment has become a thing of the past. |
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if one is married, the options should be closed...
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The way I understand the OP. Unless the couple has decided to be mutually exclusive in dating each other. Then both people may have their options open to date other people. I don't see why this is such a hard concept to understand. Ding !!!! Ding!!! Scoob... I agree with this sentiment. When I was single, I was NOT exclusive til we both had the talk and agreed. Dating casually and getting to know one another didn't mean I was sleeping with them a whole different category. |
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