What is Love Bombing and how do you avoid it?

Online dating can be fun and exciting. You get to meet new people that you may have never had the opportunity of meeting before. Getting to know someone during online dating can be exhilarating and fairly safe. Despite all of the positives of online dating, there are still some people on dating sites and apps that can be manipulative and downright harmful to you. Love bombing is something you see often in manipulative users of online dating sites. 

image to illustrate Love Bombing
Love Bombing: an early warning sign that you’re dating a narcissist

How is love bombing different than normal affection?

Love bombing is a much more intense version of normal affection. The person doing the love-bombing will start doing it immediately. They may tell you in a variety of ways how attractive you are. They may shower you with compliments about every single aspect of yourself. Love bombing may seem like an enthusiastic attraction, but it is much more aggressive and manipulative.

The key to noticing when someone is love bombing and not just showing you a normal amount of affection is if it seems too good to be true. If this person is telling you everything you have always wanted to hear about yourself, something may be up. If the person you are talking to seems perfect and you are genuinely surprised that they are this into you, it may be a good idea to slow down and assess the situation. Normal affection has boundaries and limits that most people will not pass until much later in a relationship. If this does not seem to apply to the person you are talking to, it may be a good idea to hesitate before you completely fall for them.

Why do People Love Bomb?

Narcissists and manipulators are always looking for a target. In their mind, they need someone who can serve a purpose for a short time. People who love bombs are usually using you as a way to reach a goal. They may have a specific need or want that they are just using you to fulfill. Many people who love bombs are narcissists who need constant reassurance that they are important. Love bombing is a technique used to help gain this assurance. They will say whatever they need to for you to commit. Once you are committed to filling the role that they needed filling for their own confidence boost. When they get what they need, they will most likely devalue you and discard you. 

What Can you do to avoid love bombing?

There are a few techniques to make sure that the affection you are receiving from a new partner is genuine. It is important to identify the red flags of love bombing as quickly as possible so you can avoid being manipulated and possibly even hurt.

Insist that things move slowly

When you first start to notice that your new partner is bombarding you with affection it is important to insist that the relationship is taken slow. You should firmly state that you are interested in getting to know them more before letting your feelings take over. Every time the person tries to move things forward with affection, forcing commitment, or gifts, remind them that they need to respect your wishes to take things more slowly. If they are truly interested in getting to know you, they will have no problem with this. However, if their only goal is to manipulate you, they will fail to respect your wishes. That is when you need to end the relationship.

Observe their relationship with others

Most people who are manipulative or narcissistic have a hard time keeping long term relationships. If you suspect that your new partner is love bombing you, pay attention to how he talks to and about others.

  • He seems extremely hateful of his past relationships or talks negatively about his family all while showering you in positivity, it may be a sign that you are being love-bombed.
  • He’s directly rude to others but is overtly nice to you at the same time, take that as a red flag!
  • If you are the only person in the entire world that the person seems to love, it may be time to end the relationship.

Being aware of how your new partner treats others can help you determine who they really are when you are not around.

Check your own feelings

We all want love. Sweeping up in a new relationship is easy. Especially when your new partner seems to be everything that you have been looking for. When you feel yourself getting over-excited about a new relationship, it is a good idea to stop and reflect on your own feelings. Have things really been as perfect as they seem? You should be able to:

  • Be your genuine self around this person.
  • Feel like you can be honest with them no matter the situation.
  • Feel like they have been completely honest with you as well

If things seem off, it is a good time to get out of a possibly manipulative relationship.

Conclusion

Love bombing can be hard to identify. When manipulators and narcissists are on the hunt for a new victim, they will do whatever it takes to get your commitment. That is why it is important to identify the signs of love bombing. When you start to notice that a new partner is love bombing, get out as fast as you can. Love bombing may feel great when it is happening, but it will leave you hurt and alone when all is said and done.

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