i am so tired
my soul is tired
the only smart thing i had done in my life was " not bringing a child to this world"

after all that after, while thinking i will be okay, "shani louk" news, which i am watchin everyday. not any moter's hearthh can stand. my heart hardly stands what is going on. ıf i die young, it will be because of all this hearth ache...

next year, i will have to work again
and i dont want it

i have never hated from i worked before this much!
they threw baby cats away. just 3 month old ones. one morning i went and e still blue eye ones were thrown ayaw to nowhere knowwn

the manager of the hotel was saying, "lets cat this cat's head off, so she wont suffer - because of a leg injure!
that was the time my brain went red and i decided.

i am still recovering
i ad bad depression for a month
i didnt get out of the bed

best thing i had done was, i saved 2 kittens and a pregnant one from there

working so hard so hard at a **** place
this is the first time i turned my laptop, i hardly had time for shower
worked to hell
and then i said ok. bye.

it's been a long time
ellö mön'ö..

Thank you Delight..

And after seeing all those losses, whole family losses, now i understood that i have to grateful for what i still have. There is always a worse. Everyday is a lesson.

Hi MOto, BLondey and Beach, sorry for writing late. We are okay but life is frozen for us. We are okay here at south -West at the moment and did not have any relatives at the eartquake area but still it is very sad, more than sad. We are stuck in front of TV to see if there are any more rescued and hoping the number of deaths is not increasing but we know that the final number will be out of beyonds. There are 2 families moved to the downstairs apartment, who survived after eartquake. They came in muddy clothes, not knowing what to do.

Our region is one the highest eartquake expected areas (dark red alert Zone)as well. Everynight we sleep planning what to do when it happens. Not if what it happens, "when" it happens. Our building is a New one and just 3 storey so we hope we are okay but we are stressed. Hard to sleep after all what we watch and hear and All thoughts.

Thank you my friends, and All helps from the other countries.

And thank you the hero mexican rescue dog "Prote" , who saved many lives from the knocked down buildings and died while trying to save an other person from the wreck. İ am so sorry for your loss. RIP Prote and thank you mexico and my condelences..

Thank you for being next to me and for your beautiful hearts. I love you all..

please no more God...

i know life is giving bads and goods
thunder and then rainbow
but some things are harder than the others
you think, it is hard
then one other comes, harder,
then one harder
but enough, isnt it??

anywway, life is going on
pistachio is with me
though she is sleeping all the time, thanks she is with me.

it is too much now.

i kissed kissed kissed her, i said "goodbye, sorry. ilove you. wait for us there"
and they drove
they went 3
came back 2.

on 3rd of Feb 2023, 2,5 days ago, Friday
we had to send our 19 year old Frisé to sleep
no words to say..

"İ cant think properly at the moment", is my escape sentence. because if i start judging, it will go against "that" justice. Better say i am off with my brain and sleep soon.

İ dont know why God is treating me so bad while i am trying to be a good person. As if am a bad person, he is loading all the bad things on me. İ really wonder why?!!!

This is too much. Forget about benek, my 3 babies.. they trusted me and i sent them to death myself. With my hands i put them in those boxes. Nothing can relieve this guilt..