I'm just asking for prayer so i can get there to forgive my x

I feel your pain.separation from husband for 2 years and it still hurts.I'm getting better i know i'm .I pray evernight to forgive him.sometimes i feel like i did and then it start all over agian pain!!!!!He was a christian into the church singing and a group leader and had a fair on me and left me and the kids.took money away and ect ect.I tryed to ask God why !!!This is your child why u allow him to do this to us.I use to say that not any more.I use to cry all night.stay in my room,low self estem,wouldn't hold my head up,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE but now i'm doing all of those things now i'm doing real good.I'm just having a hard time totally letting go and let GOd!!!!!!!Sometimes i feel like i'm crazy why i cant i do this!!!!.I'm in a better place were i was when this all happen.Do any body have and answer?