Pretty much, what she said.

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~hugss~

Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate the insight, experience, support, and well wishes. No change or answers yet....but, its food for thought.

Says I'm "taken", but cancels on me at the last minute tonight. wtf??? "Not games", says he.

Good advice.

Get real close, look into his eyes and....tell him just that.

Only, what's worse, the devil you know or the devil you don't?

Too bad sometimes it is difficult to reconcile what we know, common sense, and the emotions.

Too bad sometimes it is difficult to reconcile what we know, common sense, and the emotions.

I have a copper IUD, which is about 99.2% -99.4% effective in preventing pregnancy. But, I totally agree with you about the safety issue!

You make a good point.

He isn't my spouse, although we had discussed the possibility. This is a different type of loving and has some different rules. However, we are still human beings who say we love one another; and I have a right not to be harmed emotionally, to keep myself safe that way.

Some people in the alternative lifestyle I practice would read this and say I was being terribly ungrateful, disrespectful, entitled, and didn't know my place. They would see much of my partner's behaviors and decisions as being perfectly within his rights to do as he wished. Now, I am not vanilla and I do not believe my partner is either. However, I am torn between the way vanillas look at it and the way my other acquaintances and friends do. The views are widely disparate. On the one hand, if I follow this advice, I feel I am not being true to myself. On the other hand, if I do not heed these words, I feel disrespected, and that my self-esteem will be destroyed. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I know I'm really hopeless....I want to believe this didn't really happen the way I think, that it is my imagination....that it is all a bad dream.

I know I deserve more....and much better treatment, too.

I know that I have value and that I am worthwhile in so many different ways.

I'm struggling because I have grown so bonded to him.

Of course I get upset and may over react when he publically degrades and denigrates me. He then says there is something wrong with me and he couldn't be with someone so "jealous" or emotional. Ha! I get upset over disrespect but I am not a jealous person by nature.

We couldn't even address these issues in couples' counseling because of a much larger personal problem that he has, that I will not get into here. The therapist(s) refused to work with him because he was not willing to look at it.

I know everyone's advice is to leave him; but there are things about him I love and I am in love with him. I also need him in my life right now; but, I don't even know if I have that anymore, because of the way he has been talking and behaving.

I've tried counseling and will start again, but at this point, leaving isn't an option.

I've tried counseling and will start again, but at this point, leaving isn't an option.

I'm sorry. I'm so sad....

Many do, just not as many as in years past. Of course, that is what I'm looking for, what I have always lived for.

but the last and only time I was treated with such meanness, disregard, lack of respect, and lack of compassion/conscience by a man, was when my husband of 11 years+ cheated on me when we were trying to conceive and then left me for the other woman when I was pregnant with our child.

Yes, I have been dealing with my feelings related to cancer and I have regained some weight as a result. I'm pretty sure one of the main reasons he has stopped being affectionate or having sex is because he is not happy with my looks. I have been told by him that he is still attracted to me and I do see that my just being around him does provoke a bodily reaction....but yet, he denies me. All of a sudden, I am informed he cannot keep up with me, that my sex drive is too strong. Once or twice a week, even? Too strong? This is the same person who calls himself a tiger in bed. Too much intimacy for him. He said the same about his ex wife, who he also denied when some of these VERY same issues of fidelity came up.

I have shown in the past that I have discipline and have become fitter. Of course I fully intend to get fit again. I am an attractive woman, and men still look at me as such. But cancer is not a light thing and to be disregarded by your partner as such shows little conscience. Stress is not good for my fight right now.

The argument he gives is that as long as he doesn't touch, he is within bounds. With all the tasteless and blatant flirting that he does in front of me, with active profiles of his seeking on other sites, who is to say touch is not happening? He openly admits (probably due to his poor self esteem) he needs the ego boosts, the attention from many women besides his primary. Yet, he insists he is monogamous. He says something is wrong with me for being insecure, despite all these red flags. It angers him and he has become more irritable than I have ever known him of late. It even almost got physical once or twice. We are in a fluid bonded relationship, as well. I have discussed the risks with him many times. He will not use condoms with anyone. (Yes, I was recently tested for HIV in Feb and it was negative). He says he has been faithful.

So did my ex husband. The attitude and the way I am being treated now seems familiar.

In relationships, especially in those where bonding has occurred and the partner has served their mate very well and loyally, faithfully over years, is it honorable or respectful to discard, set aside, or replace the partner like a pet you've grown bored of or no longer want the responsibility of? Where does a sense of responsibility come in? Some will say this is a man's world and they can change their mind and do as they will whenever they want.

One may argue that a person should know their mate well before any serious commitments are made. Of course. Behavior around this was tested and observed and found satisfactory in this relationship, despite his prior poor history. Then, there were numerous conversations and assurances made over the months, years to the fact. ....But people can always change their minds when the id takes over....

I'm just venting. I am not ready to leave this relationship or him right now, even though I am getting very little out of it. I still love him.

Forgive me if this is too much information, and please delete. I am just hurting really badly right now. I feel scared, a lone, and with little optimism for my future. There is not much left for me.

That's bad, too - sitting down and finding the seat, itself, wet. Have you heard of toilet paper or tissue? If you spray, clean it up!