Hi I'm a sagatarius also..

Hi to all, and to All God Bless.
I am new to JSH.. I am in NC I see that Sheryl was well thought of. I am wondering the Circcumstances on what hppened? where she was from and sorts? I really hate for your loss She seemed to be well Loved
pls if anyone wishes to explain this i'd appreciate it.. Sincerely.

Hi CNtrl Alt Del Key restart P/C will solve it. or boot in safe mode

Dear Diary,

Monday Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's
fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the
recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have
enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat
the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said,
serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to
bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look
startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said,
"Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some
water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda
silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the
rice any.

Thursday Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one
hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's.
So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there
one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked
if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put
all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right
over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong
with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked
the same as when I left it.

Saturday Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He
asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens
dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a
doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real
cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve
roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it
in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven,
because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am
eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bit ches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little ****s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big boobs.

Difference between men & women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good
time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy
themselves.

They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither
one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs
to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize
that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a
very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him
that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe
he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he
doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this
kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space,
so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the
way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I
ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it wa! s . . . let's see
February when we started going out, which was right after I had
the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . .
Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.
Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even
before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not
shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this
time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like
a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.


And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too.
God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help
the way I feel. I'm just not sure.


And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting
for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting
right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I
truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person
who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give
them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it ...

'Roger," Elaine says aloud.

'What?" says Roger, startled.

'Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have said...! . . Oh
God, I feel so .... . "(She breaks down, sobbing.)

'What?" says Roger.

'I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no
knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no
horse."

'There's no horse?" says Roger.

'You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger. He's glad to finally know the correct answer.

'It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,"
Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he
can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that
he thinks might work.)

'Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you
really feel that way?" she says.

'What way?" says Roger.

'That way about time," says Elaine.

'Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing
him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if
it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

'Thank you, Roger," she says.

'Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his
place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he
doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two
of them,and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said,! going
over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe
months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with
it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing squash one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

'Bill, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

Wow What a group.
I never felt more welcome in my life as far as well things like this.
Y'all seem really nice.
Love those Nuts.. and loonies...
A Question if i may. how can i place HTML on my Page?
or cant I?
I have some amazing Vids and GIFS. lol..

Hi there I'm some what new here, Well
at least I'm new to this forum thingy..
Loved what I've seen so far in here, you all seem nice!
Some wierd as hell. others Make a Head turn Twice..
but most are open ..
Me, I'm open Minded, from way down South..

All My Love and Wishes for a wonderful outcome to Him and His Mother and their Family..

Thank you all for your Kindness and I like this site alot.
and you folks seem alright!

Merry Christmas to Everyone..
and to all a Good Night.......

Prayers said, and Heard... just have to believe...

Hey hope this works?
if not let me have your e-mail. i'll send ya a Garunteed 1st place one:P//

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o253/deafasheck/santasbaby.gif

Merryu Christmas

Heres a Good One

Cleaning Chickens

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.

"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my Daddy. The
reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.
So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting
fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy
and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote.
The last Few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat.
And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he
grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna
git him!'"


"Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!" He was naked as a jaybird, no
boots, no pants, no shirt!

To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he
stuck that doublebarrel through the window of the coop. As he stared
into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had
done woke up and come a sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on
plumb helpless as old Zeke stuck that cold nose in Daddy's crack!

Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this
morning!"