I am tired of being stood up on dates. Especially by British guys.

I want to meet someone sincere, kind and young who won't hurt me.

Thank you very much!

Hello,

I'm relatively new here and just feel really sad, I want to meet someone nice, who will care about and eventually love me for myself. I left an abusive marriage after 20 years.....it's been 9 months, and I am suffering the "aftershock" of it all. I know meeting another man will not make it all better, but I do want to date and get to know someone. Sometimes I despair of ever meeting my soul mate.

I don't really know why I'm posting this here; guess I just feel especially lonely this morning.

I have that book by Bancroft....it's superb!

Thank you, I have. As of last week. It's much better.

Thank you. That's pretty much what my Dad said.

This has caused so much pain (the main one being that I'm apart from my kids half the week), but the pastor just heaped another load of pain on top of it.

But yes; you're completely right about not being a slave to the opinions of others. It was only those 2 pastors anyway; everyone else was supportive of me. Thank you.

Hello,

I'm relatively new here. I am recently divorced and sort of open to meeting new friends, and so I opened this profile a few weeks ago. I just noticed there is a forum for Christians. I was really hurt by my church, and wondered if anyone else had been through the same thing.

My decision to divorce after 20 years of abuse was met with pressure to 'reconcile' at all costs by my 2 pastors. They entrapped me (March) with a 2-hour interrogation, during which I was told I have a "low view of Christ" because I repeated my ex-husband's insistence that he would not change. I was informed categorically that "abuse, even physical, is never biblical grounds for divorce". I sent them an 8-page statement documenting the highlights of the 20 years of abuse....it didn't matter to them. My ex husband was pulled into weekly "counseling" sessions, with a counseling pastor who, by his own admission, has virtually no experience counseling abusive men; and I was coerced into "counseling" (presumably to groom me to return to my ex-husband, which the female biblical counselor was reluctant to do.)

I spent several hours on the phone discussing the situation with the senior pastor, who is the one pushing so hard for this 'reconciliation', which none of us in the family, including the kids, want. He assured me in the spring that 'reconciliation' was absolutely dependent upon ex-husband's full repentance and change (which I knew would never happen).

Over the summer, our 19-year-old daughter was home from college and spent most of her time at ex-husband's house, where she was bullied and victimized; verbally berated and screamed at on a daily basis. I wrote to the pastors, asking for intervention - even attaching screenshots of her explanation of situation and pleas for help. She herself wrote to them the next day, begging for help. Nothing was done to stop the abuse. I documented pages and pages of abusive incidents that all 4 of the kids told me about (February - July), as well as many specific incidents of ex bad-mouthing me. Senior pastor emailed me at end of July (2 weeks after receiving email from adult daughter and me about ongoing abuse), asking me "where we are in reconciliation process" and "what growth and change have seen in [ex husband]". He acted as if we had never reached out to him concerned about the abuse.

I responded by explaining the ongoing toxicity of the situation; the fact that the one condition I had set out (that ex be evaluated by psychiatrist to address underlying mental health issues, before any 'biblical counseling' would begin) had not been met; and attached 6 pages of documented, ongoing abusive incidents (as well as testimony from kids that ex is not going to repent; and plays role of victim). It was ignored.

Six weeks later, I received a response: they (the 2 pastors) would like me to come in for another meeting, with the 2 of them, to again "discuss some difficult issues like the last time" and "some things we've observed" and the "reconciliation process". (Read: entrapment). They refuse to accept the fact that there is no repentance/change; rather, the woman has the burden of 'reconciliation' to abusive husband, because marriage is a 'covenant'.

So now, although I'd jumped through all of their hoops, seeing right through their bullying (cloaked in very spiritual-sounding language, of course), we're right back to where we were in March: they wanted to intimidate me into going back to abusive situation, in Jesus' Name, or else. (Many hours of theological debate have occurred between us, but since they make the rules and I am just a female abuse survivor, my word is meaningless.) Of course, I am not going to let myself be put back into that situation of meeting with the 2 of them, agenda already made clear, trying to back me into a corner. I spoke briefly with a lawyer last week, who, while agreeing this is harassment and is grossly unfair, advised me I simply have to stop fighting and leave because the court cannot protect me if I continue to go to the place where I'm being harassed. Online, I found a sample letter one can send to churches revoking one's membership preemptively (before they do their all-church gossip session about you; which they call "The Matthew 18 Process"), but churches have by-laws drawn up by lawyers to give them immunity in treating former members any way they want. I don't have the power or money to fight it, and to respond may just instigate them to pursue this "next step" (the public shaming). Last week, I sent a certified letter revoking my membership and asking them to leave me alone.

The same afternoon, I received ANOTHER e-mail from the pastor, pressuring me for another meeting to "start discussions about reconciliation".

Of course I already knew I was never going back; I had had to take the decision that gave me panic attacks and made me think my life was over last spring.

It was extremely painful mainly because my 3 younger kids are all invested there (teen son in particular) and refuse to leave. College-aged daughter is disgusted at the misogeny (I'm not the first women fleeing an abusive situation to be treated this way). I'd been serving at that church 11 years, much longer than current pastor (who is younger than me by about a decade), and if you had told me a couple years ago that I would be treated this way, I would never have believed it. No matter what I did, or how well I documented the situation - which is clear as day and is NEVER going to change; and my ex, whom they want me to reconcile with, despises me to the point even the kids are warning me not to go near him - these men have twisted lies into truth; black into white. No one protected me.....they care only about protecting my abuser's reputation.

So that's where I am....I don't know what to do. I hope to keep writing, for ministries that support us women in such situations. I was a conference speaker here in New England, as a biblical counselor. Maybe I'll find a venue to speak out on this.

I just felt the need to reach out and share my experience, because I was already in a lot of pain and the church just compounded it.

I'm hopelessly addicted to Lay's Wasabi Ginger Kettle Chips. The mere thought of them makes me want to drive to Walmart, right now, in my pajamas, and buy them but I don't because I wasn't raised that way (going to Walmart in my jammies).

I also tried Lay's Tikka Masala, a new flavor they just came out with, and now I'm addicted to those too. Fortunately it was a small bag, but they were delicious.

Ah, Lay's. Why you do this to me????

I wasn't happy in my marriage.

So I ended it.

No longer married. Woot for no-fault divorce laws!!

Curry. Vindaloo curry. With beef. Or chicken. Yummy.

Thank you!!

LOL!!!!

Most of us would rather date a 24 year old than 54 year old any day. How about you post some pictures of yourself??

That actually made me laugh out loud!!!

Thanks for sharing how you feel about grapes! Now.....do you like wine?

Sure, why not? This site is designed for attention-getting. Go ahead....leave me comments/compliments/observations. Thanks!

Hello,

I am a newly-single professional women working in Boston. I am somewhat new to the 'online dating' world, actually the dating world in general. I hope to meet someone nice, preferably younger than myself; no pressure to rush into a serious relationship! But I would like to start dating again and meeting people. :) Nice to be here!