2 Videos for sale - Which to Buy?

Titanic or The Clinton Video
A comparison of two different, yet strangely similar stories.

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love,
and subsequent catastrophe

CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
love, and subsequent catastrophe

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a bs artist

TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there


TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica doesn't remember Jack

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica... uh, never mind

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary ...
basically the same thing.

well spoken........

I'm sittin here doin the longneck shuffle & she's out doin the jerk.......

THE UGLY FROG...
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.


He whispered,'I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.
'

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY.
'!

So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.


IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.


SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.
NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!

*

*

*

*

*

*

SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!


She's old...... NOT DEAD !

A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see, " says the manager, "and is this b!tch giving you a hard time?"

MuthaMartha, whose old man was SpeedyHerman lost him in a bad accident a couple of weeks ago. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home and kept them on the end table. The other day she picked up the urn and went outside, sat down at the patio table and poured him all out on the table.

MuthaMartha sat there looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them. After a few minutes she started talking to the ashes. 'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'Herman, remember that 3 wheeler you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me?.. Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, 'Herman, remember that bj I promised you? Here it comes.'

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Bubba and the Lake ...
>
> Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family
>tradition.
>It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
>able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd
>each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first
>legal
>drink.
>
> So when Bubba's 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal
>Billy Joe Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out
>of the boat ..... and nearly drowned! Billy Joe Bob just barely managed to
>pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his
>grandmother.
>
> 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I
>walk
>'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?'
>
> Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said,
>'Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born
>in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you
>dumbas$.
>

A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh."

The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of medical practice I've never once laughed at a patient."

"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."

yep......damn it maaaaaan........lol

Good 2 hear..... Doin ok myself

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.

Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."

Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.

Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."

Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.

Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"

Twitch -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"

Frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!"

Hi Fran....how ya been...

A nymphomaniac was doing her gardening one sunday afternoon when the wind blew her skirt up to reveal her bare arse.At this moment a dog appeared in the garden and stuck his tongue in her crotch.Without looking around she whispered."whoever you are I do the gardening three times a week sunday afternoon friday and saturday mornings.

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man

reading a book, and noticed he had his collar

on backwards. The little boy asked why he

wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a Priest, said:

'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied:

'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered

'I am the Father of many.'

The boy said:

'My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two

grandchildren and he doesn't wear

his collar that way!'

The Priest, getting impatient, said:

'I am the Father of hundreds'

and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for

a while, then leaned over and said:

'Maybe you should use a condom and

wear your pants backwards instead of your

collar'.

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when

working under your vehicle...


From the Northwest Florida

Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove

their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in

the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while

he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see

a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection,

she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the

chassis.



Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants

turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to

stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,

quickly p ut her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything

back into place.



She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the

crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring

at her husband, who had been standing idly by.



The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his

forehead!

...............................................

My head still hurts...

Will do darlin'....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"