Sorry but that old expression "age is just a number" does not hold water!

I married a man in 1980 who was only 7 yrs younger than me. It was a "non issue" then and a non issue when I divorced him 26 yrs later.

But...in 2011, I met a guy 14 yrs younger than me online and after 3 months of heavy dating...he moved into my home with me and lived with me as a husband for SEVEN YEARS.

Then..after my 71st birthday...things began to go sideways. He became involved with many activities, organizations, clubs, etc., which meant he not only was gone all day at work but then he was gone nights and weekends too!

Eventually, after 1 1/2 yrs of that...we agreed to part as friends and that's what we did.

No regrets on his part or mine...he was an amazing person, man and if not for the 14 yrs age difference, I would have spent the rest of my life with him.

So you can get away with it for awhile...but eventually, it will turn around and bite you....you know where!

That's why I sold my home, land, car, furniture and all I owned and moved from my home state in the south east and moved to NV to be near my only living family members.

I probably will NEVER find a man I find attractive who is even 1 yr younger than me now...but at least I had seven years of happiness with him and that's better than nothing.

In other words: Try not to get involved with anyone more than 5-7 yrs younger than yourself...it's not worth the risk.

May 3, 2019

This is ONLY MY FIRST-HAND, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE in dating, etc.

First of all, unless your brain is wired differently than mine...you can't just be with anyone to not be alone! How nice it would be if this were true, but in my case it is not the case.

I'm 73 yrs of age now and started dating in my early 20's, so now my opinions are from over 50+ yrs of life.

I divorced my husband after being with him from 1977-2004. Up until then, the only way to meet a man was in person face-to-face.

Then, In 2004 when I found myself "single" again...it was a totally new ballgame! And, I might add...a much safer and better one by far!

I can recall the nightmares and horrible drama I experienced as a young woman in my 20's in Atlanta when there was no internet, cell phones, etc., so nothing could be worse than "blind" dates!

Even meeting a guy at a club was a huge risk because you knew NOTHING about him as a person....so that was all based on - you guessed it - sexual attraction...period!

That being said, I absolutely have to have some physical or chemical reaction in my brain in order to WANT to meet the person after seeing their photo on line. Which brings me to the real topic here.

PROFILE PHOTOS!

I am not 100% positive, but I think that women "get this" more than men.

I've always heard that men are more "visual" than woman are...but I'm here to strongly dispute that!

We (collectively) seem to take better care of ourselves physically and we also know IF we want to attract a man to being interested in us...we must keep our appearance up to the best of our ability.

Of course, a lot of that has to do with how well we have "aged" over the years, keeping our weight managed and the rest is pure cosmetic (i.e., hair, makeup, nails, clothing, etc.) This is something everyone can do so we make the best of what we have to work with!

Another thing we gals seem to focus on is HEALTH. We know we're going to live much longer than our male counterparts, so normally we take better care of our bodies, etc., than men do...generally speaking!

But, what the ONE THING that has been a constant problem with online dating is men's inability to take flattering photos of themselves to put on their personal ads!

If you're a gal reading this, you know exactly what I'm talking about!

The photos I've seen since 2004 of men are so bad that sometimes you actually cringe just looking at them! A lot of men (on ALL date sites) look like they are severely depressed, angry, mad or like they just smelled something bad.

This may sound funny to you, but I'm not kidding. They look like "mug shots" after they've been arrested and are going to jail - in other words...like felons.

Why this is so common on ALL DATE SITES...is beyond my comprehension, but it's been the #1 most common thing I've seen since I started this in 2004.

The other thing which is IMO, very "self-defeating" is the men who are over 60 who put on their profiles they won't even talk to a woman unless she is 5-10 yrs younger than they are. I'm not even going to dig into this subject but think about it. If women outlive men 10-20 yrs at the least...why would WE want to date someone older than we are? I've never had to do that and I'm not about to start now!

If they would just leave the age at 10 yrs younger to 5 yrs OLDER than they are....they could reject anyone that doesn't appeal to them without the hard line age requirement! Guess they don't know that women these days date and marry men many yrs younger than they are.

So back to the photos...

The reason PHOTOS are paramount in your personal ad is simple.

When I flip thru the hundreds of profile pics...it only takes my BRAIN one half a second to like or dislike a photo.

So, what chance does a man have of ever meeting me if they look like they just found out they have 6 mos to live or they stepped into some dog poo?

A man who has a sad, depressed, angry, or mean expression on their face is NOT going to attract anyone EVER!

I won't even waste time talking about the ones who let their hair grow down to their shoulders, or put it in a ponytail, or have beards and mustaches that are so long, they look like they stepped out of The Old West of 200 yrs ago! Not only is that unsanitary, but the idea of kissing or sleeping with a man who has a long beard, long mustache or long hair is IMO...sickening!

Then there are those who like the old "bait & switch" trick.

Nothing like engaging in FALSE ADVERTISING to start a new relationship!

Guess they are so stupid they actually think we are going to fall for that?
They post a handsome YOUNG guy on their profile pic, but after you open up their profile and see the other pics...you realize this is how they looked 10-30 yrs ago!

So, would someone please explain to me how I'm going to meet that guy when he doesn't EXIST anymore??? All that does is show us how much you've AGED since that photo was taken!

I often ask men online...how would you like it if you saw an ad online and it said "car for sale"....with a photo of the car brand new!

Then, when you went to see the car in person, it was roached out, doors missing, tires flat, dented, scratched, and on cinder blocks in someone's yard?

That's what I'm talking about! All you accomplished was to make a fool out of someone, make them mad and not only did you not sell the car, you couldn't even give it away!

Now the second part of this subject....

IF you post an attractive, recent, close-up photo of your face and you have a nice, engaging smile on your face...you are going to attract a lot of interest in women! Like the old saying "Honey attracts more bees than vinegar!" It's not rock science! :)

So, over the the past few decades, I've met dozens of men in person, after meeting them online first...based on their pics, stats, personal information, a few emails and a nice long phone conversation!

Anyone who skips from personal ad to a face-to-face meeting is setting themselves up for a disaster not to mention, it could actually be dangerous.

In closing, I'd just like to add that although there are many things about online dating that I hate, it's still the safest method to "vet" someone before you meet them in person.

Here are my "RULES OF ENGAGEMENT" which have kept me from being harmed or stalked from 2004 to today, 2019.

1. Initial contact online after you've SEEN their photo/photos and read all they offered about themselves on their profile or personal ad.

2. Email a few times on the site to begin the first process of "vetting" them....this also works for them too!

NOTE: NEVER reveal your LAST NAME, STREET ADDRESS or business location
until you've met in person and have had your FIRST DATE together!

THIS IS VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOUR SAFETY AND WELL-BEING. MEN WHO DON'T HANDLE REJECTION VERY WELL CAN RETALIATE DAYS, WEEKS OR MONTHS AFTER YOU HAVE MET THEM IN PERSON AND REJECTED THEM!

3. Email OFF the date site to get more personal with one another and perhaps share more details, likes, dislikes, and photos, etc.

4. IF you are lucky enough to both have a WEB CAM....use this instead of personal emails so you are meeting each other in REAL TIME, face-to-face but safely in cyber space!

NOTE: When a man is in his "comfort zone" he is more apt to be himself as he feels safe, secure and at home! You can also look around in the web cam to see if he lives like a pig or not.

5. After you've done 1 thru 3, be firm about breaking the ice on the phone!

6. If he is not interested in communicating with you on the phone - that should raise a big RED FLAG!

The phone call is extremely important to find out if you get along as people!

Many times, everything went smoothly between me and a man on line but the phone call was the deal breaker!

So trust me...if you skip the phone call....you're setting yourself up for either a nasty surprise in person or he's a FAKE profile to begin with!
Not common in 2004...but it is now! :(


AND the last Rule of Engagement should be:

THE MEET & GREET!

BEFORE you set a date to "meet and greet"....tell the guy you do not wish to make any further plans with him when the meeting is over. Tell him that you would like to sleep on it and perhaps get back to him the next morning with your thoughts about actually making a real date with him.

This way, when he says goodbye to you after your initial meeting...you won't have to LIE to his face and tell him to call you to plan your first date with him! This is also not a bad idea for the guy to have time to think on it too. Acting on impulse normally doesn't work for either party.

7. Agree to meet INSIDE at a public place such as a restaurant, bar, lounge, community park (daytime), coffee shop, shopping center, etc. NEVER IN A PARKING LOT where your'e basically alone!

8. When you meet, make it SHORT! Coffee, after dinner drink, or drinks and appetizers at the bar. NO FULL MEALS!!!

First of all, it takes to darn long. You will know in minutes if you and this man will get along in person...or not!

Secondly...no body likes to be used! So if he spends big $ on your drinks and then dinner and you tell him you'll email him later about your decision to never see him again...that's NOT FAIR TO THE GUY and it's mean too.

So, if you're a decent woman, do NOT use anyone for a free meal!

Just keep the "meet and greet" short and sweet! You do not want to be trapped into a 2 or 3-hour meal when you're ready to run out the door to get away from this guy! Been there, done that and it's not fun!

AFTER YOUR MEET & GREET:
Make sure when he walks you to your car to hug you OR say goodbye be sure and THANK HIM and then when you drive off...make sure you don't go straight back to your place. Drive around a few mins and then when you don't see ANY CARS in your rear-view mirror...it's safe to go home again.

All I know is that men are working against themselves by posting the worst photos of themselves, photos with their cars, bikes, boats, kids, dogs, cats, fish they caught, their immediate family members, etc.

We don't care about your "stuff" or your family or any of those things....
...unless we get married to you! We are looking for a MAN...not a family!

Men who look sad only make us think they are unhappy because they are losers or have nothing positive in their lives to make them happy and that is IMO, a strong indication that they are not successful at anything...their careers, their personal lives or anything else for that matter.

And the morons who post their pics with funny, silly, expressions are even worse! If you think that's going to turn a woman on...you need to meet your next woman in Clown School.

So, that's it in a nut shell...lol!

Hope this helped someone out there who is new at internet dating and if anyone wants to respond back to me...that's fine too! I'd like to share my decades of online dating with anyone who asks...you can learn from my stupid mistakes!

Oh...one last thing....

DATING SITES DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO MEET, DATE AND GET MARRIED!

They are only here to make money...end of story! That is why they do nothing about ensuring a man or woman's photo is current, etc., they simply don't care...it's about the money period. As soon as you meet someone...you leave with them and take your money with you! Make sense???

Happy hunting out there and I hope everyone uses COMMON SENSE to keep from getting into any dangerous or high risk situations.

May 3, 2019