josie68 I find that really sad.
I hope you have not turned away from God, because the more time you spend with him (in the word and through prayer) the more He will do the work in you and transform your life and you will want to walk His way and will be exited when you get the chance to share with others. God says draw near to me and i will draw near to you.

1 John 2:15
"Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the father in not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the pride of life is not of the father but is of the world. And the world is passing away and the lust of it, but he that does the will of God abides forever."
If you love God you cannot love the world. You may fall into worldly things but it will go against the grain of your true affection.