my dad got carded while i was with him and he didnt have his id

luckily i had mine and bought his cigs for him

haha it was funny though i had to buy them for my dad

music and knowlege

i take steriods....just kidding of course

"I just want two more drinks."

She was holding up three fingers.

I sighed, resisting the temptation to laugh.

"Sometimes I don't know what to do with you, Addy."

She giggled, swaying back and forth with her feet planted on the ground, as if they were cemented in the earth next to me. Her eyes grew glassier with every passing minute drink.

They were electric.

Her cheeks were flushed with color from having so much to drink. They were always a light shade of pink, but now they were red and bloodshot.

"You always seem to do the right thing though." She said, leaning against me and falling to the ground for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

She fell apart so easily, and I picked her up every time. I put her back together, like she was some hopeless puzzle that sat on your kitchen table since Christmas. The puzzle that would never be finished.

"I think we need to go home. Come on."

I took her hand and began to walk away with her trailing behind.

"No. I don't wanna leave."

"Adelaide, please. Stop."

Here it comes.

"I don't wanna leave, because I can't be alone."

I mouthed the words as they tumbled from her lips, leaving traces of regret on her face.

She frowned at me, sighed, and grabbed her bag.

I began to walk again.

"No, wait!"

She turned around and picked up the bottle of alcohol and came back to me.

"I couldn't leave it behind," she said, taking another swig.

Adelaide, with her half smiles and harsh humor. She seemed like nothing but a drunk; a rude and vicious girl; carved out of stone. But her core layers were soft and caring. Behind all of her insecurities, there was truth, hope.

"Where's your home tonight?"

"I haven't got one."

"Oh, Addy..."

"Let's just ride around in your car for a few hours." She said, leaning back in her seat and putting her feet up on the dashboard.

There's a light in her head that never goes out. I swear. She was always awake, ready for anything, and willing to try everything. Adelaide was the kind of person who was just happy to be alive. The type of person who just wanted to live life to its fullest. She didn't even really have a home, but she still managed to smile.

"Okay. But not for too long, I'm tired."

"I can drive!" her face brightened up with excitement.

"No, you aren't sober."

"I'm good and sober. I promise you."

"Adelaide," I said, sternly. I sounded like I was her father at times, telling her what to do and what not to do because she could get hurt.

She hung her head, knowing I was right.

For a while, she didn't say anything. She just stared out the window, with her head in her hands. The street lamps illuminated her eyes, her now sad eyes.

"Hey," I said, reaching over and pushing her chin up carefully with my index finger. "It's okay."

Her lips curved into a smile.

"I just worry about you."

We sat there, in silence, for what seemed like forever. But really, it was only about two minutes.

The clock read 4:06 am.

The streets were empty; except for the few left behind. The ones who begged for money, only to waste it on cigarettes and alcohol. The ones who would wake up in the morning, wishing they hadn't even woken up at all. The ones whose lives could have meant more, but they never tried.

The ones that were what Adelaide used to be.



"Goodnight, Adelaide." I whispered.

Her body moved with every breath, softly exhaling afterwards. I touched her hair, moving it out of her face, her pretty face. Adelaide looked so peaceful, which was rare for her.

I loved to watch her. Watch her smile, watch her laugh, watch her dance, watch her sing. Just to see her happy made me glad.

She was inevitable.

I couldn't stray too far away, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't rid my mind of her face, her voice, her touch. I couldn't erase her. I couldn't throw out our memories. It wasn't that I hated her; I could never hate her. Not one bit. It was just that I was plainly infatuated with her. I wanted so badly to stop this obsession, stop this addiction.

It was unhealthy, wasn't it?

It made my heart jump and dance to an awkward beat. I lost my breath time to time, thinking of her. My hands got all sweaty and gross when I got nervous.

This is unhealthy.

I sighed, looking at her one last time, softly brushing her face with my hand once more.

Just as I turned away, I heard a voice.

"Stephen," she tugged at my thin shirt.

"Adelaide, sleep."

"Stay with me, just for tonight." Her eyes seemed to change color, a darker color, a sadder color.

"But, I," I ran my fingers through my hair, scratching my head with uncertainty.

"Please."

I gave in.


_____________________________________________________________



"Stephen, come on. Time to wake up."

I turned over in bed, smelling the sweet aroma of the sheets. They smelled like Sunday mornings and her jackets that she'd leave at my house. The ones I'd sleep with, just to feel like I was with her, like I was by her side.

Adelaide was hovering over top of me now, pushing my shoulders, trying to wake me.

I smiled, looking into her dark hazel eyes. Her dark hair framed her features, falling down on my cheeks and tickling my nose. The sun leaking in between the blinds was shining on her face, making her look so happy, so beautiful.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's about seven forty five. At night. We slept in all day."

She laughed.

That would be why it seemed so early: the sun was setting, not rising.

I leaned back, raising my arms above my head to stretch. Adelaide laid down next to me, poking my stomach and giggling as I yawned.

Such a child.

"Well, what are we gonna do? The whole day is gone."

"We could lay here for a bit."

"But Addy, we already laid here for over twelve hours."

"Please lay with me," she said, giving me her puppy-dog eyes and snuggling up against my side.

"Ugh..."

I faked that I didn't want to, even though, I was so happy just to be with her right now.

Adelaide hugged me tight, resting her head on my chest, listening for a heartbeat. I could feel her warm breath under my chin, giving me chills every time she exhaled and inhaled.

I could sense that she was grinning into my t-shirt.

She was happy.

"Addy?"

"Yes, Stephen?"

"You know I love you, right. As a friend. My best friend."

"Well, of course I know that. You're my very best friend too."

Once again, the childish giggle. The adorable childish giggle.

"As long as you know that."

What a lie.

I loved her, but not as 'just friends'. I loved her more than anything. But, I was too afraid to tell her. I was like a rock when it came to emotional stuff.

I always swore that alexithymia just seemed to be attracted to me.



The stereo sang our song.

And of course, Adelaide would never hesitate to sing along. She smiled as the words left her lips, feeding into my ears and turning into a sweet melody.

I could see us happy together, smiling together, laughing together.

But of course, that wasn't reality.

It was just an immature dream of a hopeless romantic.

"Stephen,"

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead. You know I'll listen to anything you have to say."

I was worried inside, even though on the outside I was grinning to hide the truth.

What happens if she says she hates me, she can't stand me?

What if she says she's sick of me taking her alcohol from her, trying to protect her?

My mind seemed to be racing at a million miles an hour, and I was thinking way ahead of myself. It was speeding past, leaving my body behind. I just could never seem to keep up with thoughts, ever.

I lifted my foot off of the gas, slowing the car down so we were just under seventy. We weren't in a hurry to go anywhere but away from here, so there was no need for speeding.

"I just, I think, ugh..."

She was nervous.

"Adelaide, its okay. Tell me." I said, reaching my hand over the center console, letting it rest on the top of her thigh.

Her eyes grew wide.

What the hell did I just do?

I quickly took my hand away, rubbing it as if I were trying to rid it of her scent.

She stared at me, her eyes seemed to be unconscious, confused. It was a blank stare, a dead one.

I stopped the car, pulling over next to an abandoned liquor store. The sidewalk was dirty and covered in cigarettes and flyers. Typical city life. And I loved it.

"Go ahead and talk, Addy."

I smiled at her, trying to be encouraging. I wanted to know what she had to say. I cared about her, unlike all her previous boyfriends and lovers. They'd tell her she was beautiful, then leave her stranded. Adelaide didn't deserve this.

As I waited for a reply, I noticed a truck behind us. Trucks usually didn't go down this road. It was odd.

"Stephen, I-"

She loved me.

I pressed my fingers to her lips, keeping her quiet.

"I love you too, Adelaide." I said, before leaning across the arm rests that kept us apart and kissed her softly. I could feel her mouth curve into a grin as I let go, looking at her eyes.

It was over.

The truck swerved behind us, loosing control. I could hear the screeching of the tires on the asphalt, trying to gain friction. But it was a lost cause. There wasn't hope left.

I could feel our cars collide, watching as my face and Adelaide's slammed through the windshield. Our bodies hit the pavement, cracking almost every bone within us.

We laid there, watching each other gasp for air. My chest heaved with every last breath, as did Addy's.

"Adelaide," I stammered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, Adelaide."

And my eyes shut.


-stephen christian (anberlin)
based on the song adelaide by anberlin (cities)

yeah...when i clean, i throw everything away dont use. if it takes up space and i dont use it, its gone.

haha i just reread that and it seems like i wrote that sounding like a ****
not my intention haha sorry man

haha because once you pop, the fun dont stop

a party is a party. im 18. everyone is doing stupid ****. its pretty much expected. at 18 yars old, doing this stupid crap makes you look different than it would to someone 20 yeas older. and it sounded fun at the time. i mean better that playing what the others were playin and see who can stand in the fire the longest

im a dumb drunk...get it straight

haha yeah thats it
and i wouldnt have done it if we didnt see it on tv

i know the rules yes
beer before liquor never been sicker
liquor before beer your in the clear
i had the vodka first, then i had beer, then vodka again with a beer chaser.
and i dont drink often. last time before this was new years.

i doubt thats gonna happen

no it seems fun at the time

and my friend melissa is ussually there to dismiss dumb ideas like that

beer....and vodka

i got drunk last night and had the dumbest idea ever

i let people hit me as hard as they can with a bamboo stick on my back

now a have huge bloody welts on the back of my arms

im a idiot and im never drinking again without a good friend there

yes yes....you are right

hey! i just noticed my posted are going up!

i dont know

hi everybody

is that really you in the pic

i wish i could....i like to share