Since you opened this bulletin,
say the color you are
and in 1 min. or youre
going to be single ! uht oh.



___RED___
Confused about someone


___Blue___
taken


___ Lime Green___
taken and love the person to death


___Purple___
Single and Loving it


___Green___
Single and Talking to someone and like them!


___Yellow___
Single, not hating it, not loving it, just waiting


___Gold___
Like more than 1 person


___Black___
Heartbroken


___Gray___
like someone you could never have.


___Pink___
robbed a jewlery store told em make me a grill


___Orange___
Like someone who is taken


___White___
Like someone but dont know if they like you


___Silver___
you're thinkin about just giving up


___Baby Blue___
You are still thinking if you like that some1 and aren't sure yet


___Teal___
Like someone who likes you back but arent going out


___Brown___
In love with someone but they're with someone


___Dark Blue___
Still in love with your ex


___Bergundy__
Talking to someone

First reactions...ok I'm bored This is called “FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ”. You have to type the 1st thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 33 things. You can’t think and go back and change your answers.
TIP: erase all of the other persons answers first..that way u can think in blank

Here we go

1. Beer: Want one now

2. McDonalds: Chicken nuggets

3. Relationships: Suck

4. Purple: barney

5. Power Rangers: pink ranger lmao

6. Weed: high

7. Steroids bary bonds

8. Cartoons: Tom And Jerry

9. The President: Howdy Doody

10. Tupperware: LEFTOVERS

11. Florida: PARTY

12. Santa Claus: Christmas woo hoo

13. Halloween: Candy

14. Alice: In wonderland?

15. Grammar: SCHOOL

16: Myspace: DRAMA!!!!!!!

17. Clowns: like em

18. Marriage: LoL OH NO

19. Paris: Hilton?

20. Redheads: Trouble

21. Blondes: DITZY

22. Pass the: BEER

23. One night stands: DEPENDS ON WHO ITS WITH

24. Donald Trump: UR FIRED!!1

25. Neverland: Child Molester

26. Dixie: Dukes of Hazzard

27. Vanilla ice cream: I like chocolate

28. Hooters:Boobs?

29. High school: Good times

30. Pajamas: CONFINEMENT

31. Woody: ????

32. Wet Socks: YAK

33. Love: Hurts!!

Subject: SURVEY
Body: 1. What is your best friend's Dad's wife's daughter's name?
dont know

2. What body part(s) do you hate?my azz lol

3. why you hate that part of ur body? cause its flat lmao

4. Have you ever made out in a basement?
naw

5. What body part do you wash first in the shower?
my hair

6. Do you have any current piercings?
EARS AND MY TONGUE,nose, eye brow

7. Do you have any tattoos?
YEA 7

8. Is your driveway steep?
NO JUST MUDDY AS HELL WHEN IT RAINS

9. What 's your favorite flavored Pringles?
bbq

10. Have you ever been tied up?
yea in a good way lmao

11. What was the worst thing you ever got grounded for?
not sure

12. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
naw

13. How many times have you been cursed at?
oh to many lol
14. whats your fav. way to have sex? oh this way an that way lol

15. Have you ever been to a gay bar?yep yep yep when ever my sis says we goin out lmao


16. have you ever dated anyone the same sex as you? naw just played around lmao:P does that count

17. Is there one thing that you have always fallen in love with in a person?
the way they laugh an how they make me smile

18. What is the worst job you have ever had?
not sure

19. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
my girl ... check on her b4 i go to sleep to see if she is breathin right

20. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets or your towel, which would you pick?towel cause i hate sleepin on dirty sheets lol towel ya can air it out lol an re use an all lmao
21.who do you hate ? well the freezen pop of my daug i hate him so bad
22. do you love having sex ? hell yea when i get it lol
23. how many dates have you been on in this month? oh 2 lol

24. Have you ever found anything in your parents bedroom that was questionable?lmao yep an wish i didnt lmao

25. What was your childhood nickname?
carebear still is only by my dad tho
26. what was your fav. nite out ? two years ago on my bday went to the club an not sure how i got home lmao
27. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex's locker room?
HELL YEA....
28. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?got to have milk

29. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
oh bout that many lmao

30. Why are you doing this survey?
**** IDK CAUSE I CAN
32. Any strange phobias?
I HATE frogs

34. Did you notice that number 33 was missing?
HAHA YEA WHEN I READ THE SURVEY EARLIER

35. Whens the last time you threw up?
HELL IF I KNOW

37. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
yea is that bad lmao

38. Have you ever played naked Twister?
naw not yet wanna play lol

39. Have you ever been drunk at work/school?
naw maybe high lmao
40. you goin to repost this? yea i guess i will

Window panes come crashing down
Amidst the tears and pain
Vanishing hopes are gone and flew away
Up above through twilight
Shadows cast across the floor
Reflections of the past
Trembling thoughts of one
Dwelling deep within the soul
A mystical sense of reality
Captured by the craze
All in bewilderment
Of the shock in the wave
Creatures of the dimness
Chattering amongst the green
Everything slows in stillness
What is this we see?

How I'm Feeling???

i'm high and then low
my friends come and i go
how do they keep dealing?
if they only knew how i was feeling
happy to sad
excited to mad
it could be just days
or months of this faze
sometimes i love with all my heart
other times, from your love, i dart
level grounded to confused
appreciated to misused
when will this stop?
my brain's ready to pop!
i jump on a fast track
to keep myself from being abstract
restless to overly tired
dragging on to completely wired
i live up and down
soaring high then dropping to the ground
never know if it's that time
that my whole being worships my mind
always going to stuck in bed
breathing deep to not breathing, dead
sorry for you and sorry for me
but take a look at what i see....
by cs

Trapped inside my own head
With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me.
I know the pain of the madman;
He lives inside of me.
I've felt the strength of demons
And the weakness of self- preservation.
And hope. Hope.
Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight?
Are they locked away inside of themselves?
Are their minds slipping away?
Mama hen, mama hen . . .
The fox has taken your baby again.
Precious minds are a shame to waste
Memories are forgotten in haste.
I am losing all that is me . . .
Yet gaining something entirely different.
Something that acts like an animal
And speaks like God.
Comforts me like a best friend
And loves me like its child.
I am its child.
An innocent brat, ready for its teachings.
Ready to do what is told to me.
Believing all that is said to me.
Taking in all.
And living off of my fevered dreams. inside my own head
With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me.
I know the pain of the madman;
He lives inside of me.
I've felt the strength of demons
And the weakness of self- preservation.
And hope. Hope.
Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight?
Are they locked away inside of themselves?
Are their minds slipping away?
Mama hen, mama hen . . .
The fox has taken your baby again.
Precious minds are a shame to waste
Memories are forgotten in haste.
I am losing all that is me . . .
Yet gaining something entirely different.
Something that acts like an animal
And speaks like God.
Comforts me like a best friend
And loves me like its child.
I am its child.
An innocent brat, ready for its teachings.
Ready to do what is told to me.
Believing all that is said to me.
Taking in all.
And living off of my fevered dreams.
by cs

I am the shadow,
my arms will catch you
should you fall,
however far you go
my thoughts will show
how much I care.

I am the presence,
I will stand in your dreams,
whatever life means,
into the future we go
a path of sadness behind us
friendship carries us through.

I am the being,
my eyes shine brightly
full of love for you,
deep and secure
full of strenght and sure
that it will never end.

I am,
mere words cannot express
this love and nothing less,
look deep inside your soul
look far, you will never fall,
always remember to walk tall.
Words were not supposed to hurt me,
But they did not follow that rule.
I just wished they would let me be.
I only wanted to be "cool."
Stupid games.
Silly names.
I did not want to go to school.


Sure I was not a pretty face.
I did not deserve that treatment.
Those comments put me in my place.
To my mind, they stick like cement.
They remain.
Feel the pain.
In my life the words made a dent.


I am still haunted by the voice
Telling me that I am a "nerd."
It is my fault to make the choice
To go on living by that word.
A tight noose.
Ugly goose.
A lonely runt in a large herd.


Old words raining in a shower
Presently drowning in the past.
I've lost all potential power
Under a spell long ago cast.
Low self-worth
Leave the earth.

An older, attractive lady,
Fighting to overcome her pain.
Vivid past becoming shady.
A waxed moon beginning to wane.
Fresh new start
Feeling smart.
But painful words will always reign

im a single mother of two kids a 13 an 7 my 13 ia ahad with bipolar an my daug she is autism they say god cant give what he dont thank you can handle right im only 29 im rasin these two with my family help not a mans .... but i had a drs apt today an they said i may have cancer so monday my family an i will know more but i really need prayers im scared as hell cause i came this long in life an fight so many battles b4 i know i can this one im not willin to let go an give up but this is really for mothers raisin kids without mens help it can be done may be hard but can be done ive been doin it for a long long time alone my kids have two diffents dads so my son ive done since he was born.. an my girl id had help maybe till she was 4 then ive done her own my own but ya know what i like it an its what keeps me goin an to prove to men that women are alot stronger then men ever will be in some thangs .... but im more scared now then i have been cause i dont know what to do anymore i dont wanna have cancer so plzzzzzzzzz pray id be thank full sorry for sayin all but i feel god keeps puttin me to test to see if i can handle more an stay stronge so im provin to him an everyone im more of a women then ya thank ....this

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in
buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 57
years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet
memories.

He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go
off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd
always
spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his
hands.

He knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I
only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping
was
different since he had passed on.

Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had
for two.

Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and
remembered how he had loved his steak.

Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely
in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large package of
T-bones, dropped them in her basket.. hesitated, and then put them
back.
She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks

She saw me watching her and she smiled. 'My husband loves
T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know.'

I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue
eyes.

'My husband passed away eight days ago,' I told her. Glancing at
the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice.
'Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together.'

She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she
placed the package in her basket and wheeled away.

I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to
the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I
should buy. A Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream.
If
nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone.

I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle
toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the
pretty
lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face
was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo
encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes
holding mine.

As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting
in my eyes. 'These are for you,' she said and placed three beautiful
long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. 'When you go through the line,
they will know these are paid for.' She leaned over and placed a gentle
kiss on my cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she'd
done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she
walked away as tears clouded my vision.

I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue
wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the
answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone.

Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears
in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.
(Please read all of this, it is really nice)

This is a simple request. If you appreciate life, send this to
your friends, including the person that sent it to you

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings.
Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as
long as possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you,
Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are
bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are
lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my children are so loud.

Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the picture in
magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced.

Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are
hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank
you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.


Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and
wish my circumstances were not so modest.

Thank you, Lord, for life.

Pass this on to the friends you know. It might help a bit to
make this world a better place to live, right? A friend is someone we
turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone to treasure.

For friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our
lives with Beauty, Joy and Grace and makes the world we live in a
better
and happier place.

YOU ARE MY FRIEND!

God bless you and yours.

some say im crazy
some say im good
some say i need help of others but to me im me an thats what i like about myslef i dont be who im not. i dont play games with hearts im no fool of love .
some say im greatful
some say im strong
im just me an only me another i play two roles in life a mother an father
some say im good in many ways
some say i have came a long way due to my hell of a past but they always say im me an thats what makes me diffent an loved ...



((( this is me for real im just me an thats all i am lol)))

your whole life is based
on a make believe world
every person, every situation
is just something youre imagining
its all pretend, nothing is real
is that what you have to tell yourself?
yet, it is all so real
like living in two worlds at once
sometimes its so overwhelming
because youre stepping so fast
back and forth, so fast
until the two worlds collide
being left in a kind of limbo
dont want to face reality
dont want to face fantasy
you end up lost
sort of floating about
wandering, until one world
pulls you back down, stable
it wont be long now
just count the days
before it happens again...
are you ready?

will stand as one, but not a lonely soul.
The tears will be far from my smile.

I will never forget the days we once had
The days when you were everything to me
My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever
But now I realize that was all a big dream
The feelings I have for you will never go
I wish I could take back that one regretful day
The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms
Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets
That I would once have to live through
The sight of you in someone else's arms
Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces
I sometimes wonder if you still think of me
Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd
I wish so very much that one day we can have it all back
But for now, I'll sit here silently
Remembering all the memories we once shared
Everyday my love grows much stronger
Hoping that one day you will feel the same
And put back the pieces of my broken heart.

Life can change in a moment; in the blink of the eye;
at the darkening of the sky
Maybe thats a good thing;
maybe its a bad
what ever it is you can never go back to what you had;
once there now gone;
almost like the playing of a song;
in your head;
before you know it the cd player goes dead
but just for a moment;
then it goes on;
just like life
small pauses;
longer at bad times;
shorter at good
but thats just life; there is know way to change there
no way to preserve one time you loved

My heart is broken,
from all of life's
despair..
Only the hand of
GOD
can fix & repair
this tattered heart
soaked with
tears...
Sometimes...
I feel like,
he's the only 1
that cares...
But then...
I am reminded of
all those who
love me,
without them
I'm sure that
I wouldn't
even be here...
Then all of
those feeling's
do disappear

by: me cs

Subject: I want this Girl
Body: I'm This Girl - A Great Reminder
Body: It came back around again...just a reminder to the guys...it's always great to be appreciated for being who you are!

SWEET HEARTED GIRLS : If you are this girl repost this saying "I'm this girl"

DUDES: If you want this girl repost "I want this Girl"

LUCKY GUYS: repost "I have this girl"

I'm the girl who gives you her heart, and hopes you don't break it in return...If you break it, you can keep the shattered half. You don't get a second chance.

I'm the girl who never gives up hope with you..

I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...

I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside an expensive resturant...

I'm the girl who says,"ok, but you owe me..." jokingly not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you...

I'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will (or at least try to) have fun because it means I am spending time with you...

I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but if it means that much to you, I'll try anything...

I'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me

And even if we spend time apart, I'm the girl who never forgets you.

I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...

I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything...

I'm the girl who laughs at your jokes even if they aren't funny...

I'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and will remember each one...

I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends...

I'm the girl who will listen to you talk... even if it's about random things..

I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...

I'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what other people say...

I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead..

I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends...

I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...

tampon game
okay...this is called the tampon game.. this is how you play...think of a title of a movie...only change 1 word to tampon...ONLY REPOST....if you don't repost this... the guy/girl you love will break your heart and never love you again...!..

Cody-the lion the witch and the tampon
SEAN@@= DUDE I LOST MY TAMPON
James-not another tampon movie
BRITT- super tampon
HAYLEY- 10 things i about tampons!♥
Jaimie : tampon story
sheleah:my big fat greek tampon(my big fat greek wedding) lmao
taylor-Tampon pie...(american pie)
yiseel marie> a tampon t o remember:]
Faith:Why Did i Get Tampon?(Why Did i Get Married)
shyann-not another teenage tampon-hahahaha LOL
Kay<3-Fly Away Tampon
Kody- I Am Tampon
Destiny- PS. I Love Tampons. X] [[oh i took out some people]]
Jaz-Confessions of a Teenage Tampon
ryan-tampon rush..XD..
Seeairuhh- I Tampon {I Robot} haha wow.
Izzy♥ Dazed and Tampon ♥ Dazed and Confused.. lol
Briana-Super Tampon(Super Bad)
♥Mikayla-Alvin and the Tampons (alvin and the chipmunks)
!.:brownie:.!-tampon hour 3 (rush hour 3)
.:ÐÎãNNã:.------tampon luv♥
Casey-barney and the tampon gang! [barney and the back yard gang]
Jennifer-- blades of tampon. [blades of glory]..
Breana- shes the tampon [shes the man]
adam- the texas tampon massacre
aleigh---freddy v.s. tampon
zack-i now pronounce you tampon and larry
tyler-big mommas tampon
lindseyy.-scaryy tampon 3
lindsey!!-dude wheres my tampon??
tori- desparate choices to save my tampon:)
alyssa-tampon diaries
alex- red tampon. hahaha [red eye] lol mine was the best
Hunter- epic tampon haha
bri-dude wheres my tampon(dude wheres my car)
JennieyP--A Tampon Story (a cinderella story)
kathy=house of a thousand tampons
cesilee= Harry tampons (harry potter)
Lexxi Luvvs U (alexis)-- how the tampon stole christmas
KARiNA ---i AM A TAMPON (i AM A L3G3ND
K3NDR@-TAMPONS 2 (CLERKS 2)
SexyLove-virgin TAMPONS (VIRGIN SUCIDES)
Rachel- how to eat fried tampons(how to eat fried worms)
tori- bloodie tampons (bloodie mary)
Marie-fried green tampons(fried green tomatoes
Kae---the exercice of tampon {the exercice of emily}
JORDAN~SUPER TAMPONS {SUPER TROOPER}
N3LLA-scary tampon 4
♥Tatiana B♥- Alvin and the Tampon (Alvin and the Chipmunks)
russtaco1----Tampon Busters
Amanda♥~good luck tampon(good luck chuck) Imao!!
Adrianna---> The 40yr Old Tampon
ASHL3IGH~~~>MAD3A'S CLASS TAMPON(REUNION
Michelle[><] ----> How to lose a Tampon in 10 days
Marra--------> A Tampon Tampon To Remember
ashley-----> waynes tampon ( waynes world)
meagan- into the tampon (into the blue)
Dustin Dude, Wheres my tampon! (Dude wheres my car)
Rae --> 40 Days and 40 Tampons (40 Days and 40 Nights)
Laura -----> Tampon Destination (Final Destination)
Ashley----> The Family Tampon (the family stone)
TRENA-----> American Tampon (American Gangster)
Thomas---->Tampon In The Water(Lady In The Water)
Steph---->Snow White & the 7 Tampons (snow white & the 7 dwarfs)
CHELSEA------> URBAN TAMPON ( URBAN COWBOY)
Misty ---> Pulp Tampon (Pulp Fiction)
TRACI~~>Big Mama's Tampon(Big Mamas House
Georgia ---->>> Diary of a Mad Tampon Woman (Diary of a Mad Black Woman)
Carrie ~~~ When a tampon calls
MIKE----->>The hunt for red tampon...(the hunt for red october)

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and text messages: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips [ washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries ]? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken [ water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin ] prior to going to sleep/passing out [ face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever . The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. [ pre happy hour ] on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan

P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

JOKE ABOUT MEN
Body: 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened

( Common guys, we laugh at your Blondie jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Alcohol Warnings


He board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding a pint or two.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a **** truck at 100 yards.

Warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think while photocopying your **** at the office Christmas party.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).

Warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than someone really, really big named Psycho.

15 Things Not To Say When Getting Pulled Over


1. What do you use those rubber gloves for, anyway?
2. So thats what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone means.
3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
4. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?
5. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
6. You’ll never get those cuffs on me... You Homo!
7. On the way to the station let’s get a six pack, oh don’t forget the cig’s.
8. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
9. But officer, I’ve got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick one.
10. Back off, Barney, I’ve got a piece.
11. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph.
12. No, offi, offic, lucifer... I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
14. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
15. No, you assume the position.