First of all- give yourself a break and even if this may get me in trouble- give him a little bit of a break too. I understand what you are going through and I have been there with a woman I loved very much.

I believe that your boyfriend is reacting to your feelings the way he is because he doesn't understand them- he has never felt them. Unfortunately, often times people ask that our partners "understand" our feelings and all we want is for them to acknowldge that we are feeling those things. BUT what the other person hears is that we want them to understand actually what it feels like to feel it. He is hearing you ask him to understand what it feels like to want to hurt yourself and he can't because he hasn't felt it. Instead- you have to ask him to understand that you are having negative feelings-- that you are not asking him to understand what it feels like but to simply understand that you have them and need him to respect that regardless if he doesn't get it. I had a great love who was suicidal-- she wanted me to understand what it was like to hate yourself and want to die-- I couldn't. But I could understand that she was feeling something so terrible that she needed to get help. I understood the situation but not the feeling.

I think we get caught up in wanting our partner to be our everything and understand everything and they can't always do that. And because they want to understand and they want to help- but can't. Some situations can not be resolved by your boyfriend just understanding you-- and when he realizes that he can't help you stop feelings these things, he gets frustrated and scared because he doesn't know what to do and it comes across like he is being a jerk.

I know a lot of people think their partners need to be their everything- their rock- but I don't. I think some things couples are not able to handle on their own because there is so much emotional connection that common sense is lost. I think that seeking the help of a professional who is not emotionally connected to you would be beneficial to you and your relationship. Discuss that with him-- don't blame him that because he doesn't get it you are going to get help somewhere else. But share with him that you are seeking advice from a professional and maybe you can come home and say it was a great session-- wait for him to ask what happened.

We get in relationships and we lose ourselves. You have to be a whole, healthy human being with or without him--- regardless you need to take care of you and get help for yourself first. You can't put all your feelings onto him and expect him to fix them and by his reactions, he feels like you are expecting him to fix them and he can't and he is upset and frustrated that he can't... He clearly said that he wants to help but at the same time, he may feel like he has done everything he could and he is frustrated and upset because he feels he is lacking in what you need.... And remember-- he is taking what you say very literally.

take care

She may be online looking to see if YOU are still online. She may be thinking the exact same thing about you.

my ex?

Oh honey- you are too good for him- you know that. A LITTLE boy only runs to his friends and his daddy when there is a problem, a real man would have come to you and communicated. We have all been hurt and at the first sign of distress he ran instead of putting his faith in you and trusting in your loving nature. You dodged a bullet with this one-- if he is going to leave so fast now imagine how fast he would run if there was ever a real issue.