Hey its rough when you can walk into a wall with a h*rd-on and break your own nose!

I gotta try these. No wonder I don't get dates!

Uh, I think you stumbled into the wrong room. Go out the way you came in and find a chat room.

Except that here is FL we jut had a woman do exactly that. Then the morning they were supposed to go to court, she shot him in self defense 6 times, in the back.

USMC 0311
USN ET2(SW/AW)
FLARNG 15R, 35R, 79T

thanks

I have to go to a bunch of balls throughout the year. Good thing I'm not a girl. One suit, many occasions!

Thank you. His movies are all the same script, just different scenery, what, hey, ouch, who just kicked me!

30 Facts about Chuck Norris


1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

6. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

8. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

10. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

12. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

13. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

14. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

15. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

16. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

17. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

18. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

19. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

20. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

21. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

22. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

23. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

24. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for
a single show, however, so it was divided.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

26. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

27. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

28. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

29. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

30. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)



"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

Moses Hadas


He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

Abraham Lincoln


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

Groucho Marx


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

Winston Churchill, in reply

Some general rules of drunken dialing:

1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false
advertisement.

2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Example: "Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you"

4. Dirty talk while drunken dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something?

5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.

6. Drunk texting is alright... If you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.

7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your ex's and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.

8. You can also call this same ex and let them know, that you know, that they still love you. Then explain that you nderstand because you would still love you too!

9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.

10. It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.

11. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed...
Never angry.

12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".

13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.

14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.

15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.

16. Drunk dialing to a foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if feel that if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend's phone.

17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing.... Be prepared.

18. When drunk dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn't involve cards and it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk..... "you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"

19. Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when you're far to drunk to be using electronics and you won't be able to drunk dial anymore that night.

20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes.

I don't know why I'm even up. I hate it when work calls at 6AM in the friggin morning. I should have at least been able to sleep till ohmygodthirty.

there is nothing in this world that cannot be fixed with 5 gallons of diesel fuel and a match.

heck I started there. 0311, anything else is just support.

Don't fish from the company pier!

Especially today when shopping for a bathing suit!

Will one of you girls please help this guy out and send him the rules of the hour. At least he knows what they were before he started reading them, cause they will change by the time he is done.

OK

It's all in the advertising. When women window shop are they really buying anything or looking for something they find appealing?

Oh, and it's our fault that we at something attractive? If you don't want us to look, don't show them off. If you put them on display, expect someone to look at what you are displaying. You girls go window shopping, why can't we?