lily...why dont u actually take some time to read these before beginning
to type. And, i wont put u down, it just feeds your anger.

i have been thinking about getting a reverseable-vasectomy myself.

it's more widespread than you think. have you had a paterninty test
done? I have. just protecting myself. if you want, i can find actual
statistics.

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to
popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you
decided to stop being a frigid *****. Getting it hard is your job. I
suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the
time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partner’s mouth while
you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off.
Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and
you’re all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex
makes most women want to talk and bond and all that crap. It makes men
pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it
over his head, it’s not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That crap is
uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn’t unreasonable, but
when it’s time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes,
that’s nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles
all the time is like expecting you to act like a pronstar all the time.
If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the crap that Cosmo forces down
our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I don’t know who comes up with half that
crap, but I’m pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his “one-eyed geelah
monster” instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy?
Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other
clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending
you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He’s
about to get some “trim”. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the
way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. I’m pretty bad at this myself. But if you
want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the Amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes,
some people don’t want to go bare. That’s fine. If you like bush, great.
If you have sensitive skin and can’t shave, I feel for you. But for the
love of Christ, trim that crap if you want him to spend any time down
there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you
have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That’s
as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you’re ragging. He didn’t do it.
Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he’s hormonal, I
suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make.
Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while
you’re having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you
to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would
respond with answers like “I stubbed my toe” “I ran up the steps” or “I
was putting up drywall”.

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you’re sexually active and insist that
he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not
all men keep them on them, and it’s just as much your responsibility as
it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn’t be having
sex anyway. Go back to Jr. High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy
can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn’t be
offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a
whore and tells you to come, it’s his way of showing that he cares if
you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes
sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it’s not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a
dynamic thing. There’s an awesome raw energy when you only have 20
minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed
against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a scaredy cat to tell him what is or isn’t
acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he
can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it’s an
invitation, don’t look surprised when he “accidentally” sticks his
“one-eyed geelah monster” in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I
know for a fact that getting them off isn’t always easy. Help a brother
out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If you’re shy, dim the lights, but give the
man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the
covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. There’s no reason men should have to do all
the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than
women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a
little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and
2) didn’t suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

A few years ago Zammo got a vasectomy.

He met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a
selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and he
could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was
a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

He did NOT tell her about his vasectomy and he always used a condom with
her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was
only used for birth control. Silly girl.

They date for a few months. He never made any move towards commitment
but she brought it up occasionally. For him, this was a casual but
pleasant relationship. For her - as he was to find out - it was part of
a life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, he gets the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on
and on about how the condom must have broke and now they really need to
think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She
has a baby in her and she thinks she’s going to have a good meal ticket
(him) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, he’s just as giddy. He gets to pull the reverse “oops” on
her. He figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up.
Good thing he was using condoms! Better still that he has a serious
mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So he waits a couple of days to “think about all this.” He meets her
again. He says he doesn’t want kids and that she should have an
abortion. He knows where this is going and sure enough it goes there.
She goes completely bat droppings insane on him. There were the usual
insults about his manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was
all very ugly and he was loving every minute of it.

Well, he let her stew for a few days. She leaves him nasty messages on
his phone. She sends awful emails. He’s laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing he was busy. First
he gets a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy.
Next he gets a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a
“negative test result for sperm” to show he’s sterile and shooting
blanks. Finally, he gets a letter from a shark attorney stating he has
seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman
if she continues to communicate with him in such an unpleasant manner.
Also, the letter states that they will insist on DNA testing to show
that the baby is not his. He’s ready.

He meets with this woman at her place. He brings flowers and a small bit
of jewelry to show he is willing to reconcile and assume his
responsibilities as a new father. He also has stuck in his pocket the
documents he has prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks.
They talk about their future. They have some pretty good nookie. Then,
as he is about to walk out the door, he asks her the $64,000 question.
“Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes bat droppings insane again. Heck, she ought to. Her plan
could completely unravel if there is ANY question about his paternity.
Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare he question her morals. Does he
think she’s a slut. He’s just trying to weasel out of his
responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

He’s not really mad. He’s kind of embarrassed for her. But since she
won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, he asks her to
step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a
bit. She is glaring at him with all the moral self-righteousness that
only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has him trapped. She is 100%
convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit
she has wrought around herself and he is about to hack through them with
a few pieces of paper.

He reaches into his pocket slowly. He extracts the three pieces of paper
and unfolds them slowly and deliberately.

He tells her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what he has
prepared.

He continues. “I am sterile!”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in.
Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of crap. You’re
trapped and you know it.”

He holds up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we
met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter stating what I had
done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the
presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is
simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation.
“Horse-hockey, those are fakes.”

He was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is
from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue
any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist
on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is
not mine.”

He gives the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly,
deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she
has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry.
It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By
the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

He had no sympathy for her. He turned and walked out the door. Even
after he closed the door he could still hear her sobbing.

yup, in fact, we encourage it. But then again, my friends dont date with
intentions to find "the one". we date for fun, and what's good for one
is good for all.

to the initial post...if she is really your friend, tell her.
if the husband is your better friend, dont tell her

turbo...ummm thought aboout again....and i had no supernatural help

stop being delusional. the first sign a failing relationship
is...thinking the relationship is failing

FANTACULAR POST KOJACK...but read between the lines

valentines=another waste of money, best time to get some from the lonely
girl at the bar ...without a valentine

hey now, he is our president....you dont need to tell us about his
sexual preferances....lol

oh CHRIST!!!!! jesus, u girls have got to learn that men are looking for
one thing. as you have just proved to me AGAIN. the guy is looking at
all possibilities, including your friend. it's no surprise. This
commercialized world of endless love does not exist, no matter how much
u belive so.
Over 50% of marriages end in divorce
Over 50% of households in america are single individuals
do u believe this is a coincidence...and if u wanna use the fact the
there is "almost 50% still married" do u really believe they are happy
marriages???????????????????this isnt the brady bunch

lollipop=bubblegum

left at the harbor=my boat

it takes a while to get all the lingo

laughing my ass off

howdy

marilyn...it's summer camp all over again. oh and im not kidding myself.
i forgot to tell you, that three ring circus is a flea circus...im not
delusional

yeah marilyn, that's how we roll ( and by we i usually just mean me)
lily...yes, the tent it's so huge i have to call it a three ring circus