In college on two occasions I had the privilege of going to a Catholic worker farm in West Virginia to help out with springtime chores over break. It's a rewarding experience and filled with great memories of camaraderie and purpose. Your son will look back fondly on this time.

I was reared strictly Catholic, but I have been to other Christian churches as well and participated in various services. I determined at some point that I no longer believed in Catholicism or Christianity or God — a long, difficult realization — but I continued to attend Catholic services for several years. I didn't particularly enjoy the services or the people who attended the nearby Catholic church, so I stopped going.

I have considered, though, attending a Unitarian service or something a little more relaxed than Catholic services — not for the religion, but for the serenity and for the sense of community. There is something soothing about some religious gatherings, provided the people around you aren't cramming religion down your throat.

As for the hypocrisy, I am reminded of an analogy I heard many years ago about not attending church and not bathing:

1. I was forced to wash as a child.
2. People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than everyone else.
3. There are so many different kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.
4. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
5. I wash only on special occasions, like Easter and Christmas.
6. None of my friends wash.
7. I'm still young. When I'm older and have gotten a bit dirtier, I might start washing.
8. I really don't have time to wash.
9. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
10. People who make soap are only after your money.
11. I get along very well without washing.
12. I work hard all week and am too tired to take a bath on the weekend.
13. The first bar of soap I ever used gave me a rash, so I haven't gone near soap since!

Okay, so it's a little silly, but basically it drives home the point that others here have pointed out: You cannot let others determine how you are going to live your life and you cannot allow others to drive you away from the things you consider to be important. If you find value in practicing a religion, find a community in which you feel comfortable — even if the theology doesn't match your beliefs 100% (as no two people have _identical_ understandings of their faith, etc.). If you feel that you are being pressured to attend a church but do not feel an inward attraction, again, don't let people push you around. Live for yourself.


They will tell you you can't sleep along in a strange place.
Then they'll tell you you can't sleep with somebody else.
Oh but sooner or later you sleep in your own space.
Either way it's okay, you wake up with yourself.
— Billy Joel

Two people in a serious relationship generally can't have _vastly_ different world views. However, I know several couples who don't believe the same things when it comes to religion (my aunt and her husband come to mind), and because they focus on other parts of their relationship with each other, it works for them.

I guess I don't see it as a big problem as long as each person gives the other respect in regard to his/her beliefs. Except for those whose religion tells them they cannot marry or date outside the faith, it seems like a non-issue.

So many things supersede a relationship — sometimes or all the time — like kids, work, financial problems, etc. Even when one person is more involved than the other (e.g., step children), what's important is that they are there for each other, supporting and consoling as needed. Whether my partner believes what I believe about the world is of no consequence to me as long as we have similar values and respect what's important to each other.

And what happens when two people get married and have similar beliefs, but over a number of years one person changes and believes something different. Does that shift in thinking require that the relationship end? If it does, then I consider that the relationship was incredibly superficial.

Abra:

Go to the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

'What have you done for the Lord today?'

Hmm... Should not the question be, 'What have you done for your fellow human today?' [For what you have done for the least of my brothers, you have done for me.]

As for persecution, Christians enjoy 80% dominance in the United States yet claim ad nauseam to be persecuted for their beliefs. Where, exactly, is persecution of the faith? If some dominant group throws you (and a large percentage of your Christian peers) to the proverbial lions because of your faith, perhaps I'll revise my assessment of your 'persecution.' If you suggest that the movement to maintain a moderately secular government to be 'persecution,' perhaps you need to look at a history book and learn just what persecution is about. The time of true Christian persecution was in classical antiquity, not in modernity. Look to the Jewish people to see true persecution. Look to the slaughter of the American Indians for an example of widespread tyranny. Look to the Crusades, Church rule, and the various Inquisitions to see how Christianity has dealt many times more persecution than it has received.

If any modern-day Christian claims persecution, s/he had better be hunkered down in an attic somewhere afraid to breathe for fear of being discovered, dragged into the street, and tortured until dead. Otherwise, quit b*tching about how horrible Christians are treated when there are so many people across the globe who know true persecution and torment. I think perhaps the people in Sudan and Darfur have it a bit worse than any of us typing at our computers can claim.

(PS — I'm not singling out rambill79 here. This is another of my pet peeves, and I think people fall back to Biblical clichés without considering that they aren't truly applicable. So, my apologies to rambill79 if this post seems to be especially harsh or attacking. That's not my intention at all, and when I reference 'you,' I'm using it in the plural sense — not specifying rambill79.)

Well, my opinion for what it's worth:

I believe that having a comparable value system is essential. It wouldn't do to have one partner to believe that it's never acceptable to take advantage of the good nature of others, while the other partner thinks that people who are 'too nice' are naïve and deserve whatever comes their way.

If you consider religion equivalent to morality, then having the same religious beliefs is imperative. Otherwise, you could have vastly different religious views without difficulty. Belief (or equivalent belief) in God wouldn't be necessary as long as you both have similar overall values. For example, atheists have a considerably higher marital success rate than the national average in the U.S.

You won't convert him from atheism, so you should break it off immediately. You will be doing him a huge favor.

If you think the people here are being too judgemental, exactly what do you think your boyfriend is going to think when you give him the ultimatum of "Christianity or else?" You don't suppose he's going to consider you to be incredibly judgemental when you tell him that he's simply not good enough for you because he doesn't see things from your perspective? Do you really think he's going to be consoled when you start quoting scripture to justify your decision?

If you require that your boyfriend be a Christian, then go find a Christian. Otherwise, accept your boyfriend for who he is and for what he believes and let him make his own decisions as you have made yours.

We live in a society that glamorizes anorexia and huge tits. It doesn't make sense, but it's the reality. A woman who, like Gypsy, is naturally slender is the exception — most starve themselves or have some other eating disorder. Being extremely skinny for reasons other than genetics or a high metabolism is unhealthy. I have no doubt that Gypsy is quite healthy.

On the flip side, people who are quite large usually have health problems that result from their obesity. The heart works much harder, the joints in the knees and hips wear faster, back pain and foot pain are more common, diabetes and high blood pressure are more likely, infections of various sorts are more frequent, etc. Yes, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow, in which case the salad you ate today would be moot, but the goal isn't to live forever — you want the years ahead of you to be as healthy as possible. You want more than to merely be alive — you want to live (i.e., be active).

Carrying a little extra weight is worse for men than for women, because of the increased risk of heart disease. A little extra weight on a woman, while not as healthy as a trimmed and toned body, doesn't significantly damage health. But we're talking about 20 lbs. or less extra, not 50 lbs. or 100 lbs.

Now, having said all of this, I think we should just let people be who they are. If someone is unconcerned with the health risks of being a little larger, why does that really matter to anyone else? Many people have such a visceral reaction to others they consider to be "overweight." We don't have the same reaction to people who skydive or commute long distances every day, yet we consider it worse for someone to have a big belly. It's ludicrous.

In the end, we can do so much more for our health by being happier and reducing stress in our lives. And that alone often results in weight loss, increased energy, etc.

Sexual attraction remains important in a relationship, but after a couple of years it's role starts to diminish. By the time there are kids, other aspects of the relationship begin to develop. It sounds like the guy to whom your friend was married hadn't grown much at all. Had he been patient and more understanding, she likely would have lost the weight much more quickly. Some form of physical attraction remains important, but it ceases to be the dominant factor at some point.

I don't think anyone should give up on their partner just because they gain some weight. However, weight gain is sometimes a symptom of something else — sometimes depression or feelings of low self worth. The root cause can sometimes be the real problem, and can tear a couple apart. Was your friend happy before the divorce? Was she happier two years later when she started losing the extra weight? Would she have lost the weight at that time had she still been married, or was it because she was "back on the market?" Marriage can make people complacent, and men and women alike often stop putting the effort into personal upkeep for their spouse that they would have put into a new relationship. I'm not saying your friend's ex-husband was at all justified in his actions, but the issue may have been a lot deeper than her weight gain.

The fewer the items, the more suspicion it will raise:

condoms + needles

condoms + 9V battery

condoms + enema bulb

condoms + face paint

condoms + Tickle Me Elmo doll

condoms + flares

condoms + acne cream

condoms + straws

condoms + tire pump

condoms + Mentos + Diet Coke

Are we to attribute all good things in life to God and all bad things to Satan? In that case, is it not Satan who piles on our burden, and God who prevents it from being too heavy? If such is the case, God fails in many instances.

I'm not criticizing your belief that God has helped you, but if that's the case then God doesn't help everyone to the same degree as God has helped you. If we want to suggest that God treats all people with the same degree of love and compassion, then it's much more reasonable to believe that God does not intervene (nor would God allow Satan to intervene) in the various aspects of our lives. Either God is wholly unfair, or God allows nature to take its course without divine intervention.

I'm really not picking on you, so please don't feel that this is a personal attack. This is just a pet peeve of mine — the assumption that anything good in my life is thanks to God, while failing to recognize there are others who are not so fortunate in similar situations. And if everthing negative is attributable to Satan, that's suggesting that Satan a LOT of power equivalent to God. (That opens up a whole new discussion about dualism and deistic power that probably deviates too far from the topic at hand.)

I would much rather congratulate you (and I do) on maintaining a sunny disposition in the face of adversity and to commend you on a personal strength few possess. I am sincerely happy for you, considering all that you have been through. You haven't been broken by your situation, and I think that's wonderful. Regardless of our difference in opinion, please accept my happiness for you as genuine.

Merlot? Chablis? Cabernet Sauvignon? Oh, hell, have a glass of each!

The world is your oyster, and you my dear are the pearl.
© 2007. Resserts. All rights reserved.


I never enjoyed working the late shift, so I can empathize. I never adjusted to the schedule. I need a regular schedule to function.

I'm sorry your date didn't go well. I tend to think most dates don't go that well. It's amazing anyone ever gets together! All I can figure is that most guys (like the oddity with whom you went out) can attribute any success with women to alcohol.

Kansas is a long ways away for me to sweep you off your feet. I'm not sure my dating skills are up to the task. Would you care for a glass of wine?

I'm doing well, ellgee, thanks. Work is ever busy, but I'm trying to take a day or two to catch my breath — doing some smaller tasks that require less concentration and such. All-in-all, I'm doing pretty well.

How about you? What's new (other than people adding you mysteriously to YIM)? How's life?

Thank you ellgee! You're looking pretty cute yourself. Is that a new pic?

Mmm... I can almost taste it.

Chunky for me!

Strawberry, please.

Mmm... Peanut butter and jelly sandwich...